To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

Why do I sound terribly immature? How is sharing a number, along with the four other people that I was with, boasting?

I must say if a partner had told me by the age of 20 he’d slept with over 100 people (when we were early 20s, I wouldn’t want to be with him,

I’m presuming the father is in late 40s into his 50s ? We had a lot info about not sleeping around because of hiv plus we were being told that having so many different partners was one of the causes of cervical cancer

He's 51, but that information is dated and most people are aware that it's dated.

“As long as it’s safe then carry on”

Well that’s easy to say, but so do think s lot of teen girls have sex simply because they think it’s what’s expected of them. It’s low self-esteem a lot of the time and I remember I saw this a lot at uni.

There was a girl in our corridor who was very insecure and it was devastating to watch because she basically slept with the entire rugby team. Not because she was super-liberated and in control “enjoying her body”. It was the opposite - she didn’t know how to say no and I guess it was a kind of validation for her in some level. People did feel sorry for her. The worst thing was (shudder), there was a rugby club dinner shich she went to because she had joined the women’s rugby club by this time. And the men’s rugby club presented her with an award for being “the most active tart.” It was an actual cup with a speech and all those who claimed to have shagged het stood up. This was 1996. Absolutely vile, but yes people did feel very sorry for her and I don’t think she ever got over it. She reacted by sleeping with even more people and she was very disturbed, looking back. I think it was an attempt to appear in control, but it was anything but that.

This is silly. You sleep with who you want to. Sex is fun and enjoyable, it doesn’t equate to anything else. If you choose to now only sleep with DP then that too is your choice. I went through a stage a few years ago of being single and regularly sleeping with 5 or 6 men, they all knew and it was great fun. There is absolutely no reason for him to judge you. I would happily tell my in laws if the topic ever came up. I was in control and having a good time what is there to be ashamed of?

I don’t think you say how many you’ve slept with but I’m 26 and slept with 15 men, which has been the same since I was 23 ad got married.

A 16/17 year old girl might sleep with 3 or 4 people a month joyfully and mindfully, or she might do it because she doesn’t understand how not to. I have never encountered someone sleeping around at that age who hasn’t regretted it.

No regrets from me.

@AnuvvaMuvva I'm in the same age group as you. I know what great sex is. I can do this alone or with someone. Men haven't made me think anything. When I require a man for physical and/or emotional attachment I seek out such a man.

Some of us really enjoy that intense pleasure and release.

You can have the adventures in a relationship as long as the other person is as equally adventurous.

And, I haven't slept with anywhere near 100.

What’s the number OP?!

So what’s the number?

You're possibly confusing 'people' you have spent a drinking evening with and 'his parents.

How many has your partner slept with and what did Dad say to that?

Also this is why you shouldn't be drunk by 4 on in tbe afternoon 😂😂

ffswhatnext

That’s great and I don’t judge you.

OP would FIL have judged it if it was around 10-20 people?

It's immature to be naive enough to not realise you will be judged, however wrong that judgement may be.

Did your FIL out himself as misogynistic? Definitely.

But there's another issue; and that's whether that is suitable information to share with your partner's family. Just like I wouldn't share my salary with anyone, it is no one else's business but my own.

I think the lot of you should cut down your drinking!

You can tell your in-laws but not say it on an anonymous forum? Ok then.

I'm also shocked you'd tell your in laws this. There are some things you just don't share.

im going to guess your numbers 24.

Why are posters equating good sex with many partners
You don’t have to be promiscuous to enjoy sex and have lots of it

If you engage in this kind of conversation then you have to accept the consequences, being in-laws is irrelevant if you're all drunkish. Remember, in vino veritas next time!

OP regardless of the number, YANBU to sleep with as many people as you wish, as long as they want to sleep with you too. Your FiL is narrow-minded and probably a bit sexist - lots of people think women should be more chaste than men and it shows in comments like this. But now that the conversation has passed bringing it back up to criticise the way he spoke to you will, to him, just reinforce his misconception because he'll see it as evidence he's hit a nerve not as evidence he was really rude.

If it comes up again laugh in his face and suggest he probably feel inadequate if he feels the need to put down some else's love live without cause.

It's not 'oversharing' if it's part of a conversation of consenting adults who are all sharing the same information!

Eh yeah it is. Doesn't matter what the others were doing, no one has to go with the crowd. That's sheep like behaviour. Healthy boundaries are a thing and this was over sharing. As she has now learned.

Her in laws have no need to know how many people she's fucked.

So she’s just meant to shut down the conversation?
Depending on how misogynistic the fil is he would probably goad her into an answer and make things worse.

You have to weigh things up in these situations and surly being truthful is best anyway?
Nope will change their ways if people don’t speak out

Know when to share and who with.