To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

Tbh OP, if you’re going to have that kind of candid conversation, you can’t really be surprised by a candid response.

@brimful I think the poster is referring to the AIDS crisis of the 80s

Why not share the number if you want to and if it in context of the conversation. If it is 1 or 1001 it makes no difference to anyone else. Your life is yours to choose, your sex life is yours to choose. (I'm probably older than you partners father, my odd numbers are the year, month, and day of birth so I am 72) Not all mature people would criticise.

Yes it’s a shitty thing for them to say

Jesus christ I'd never tell in laws that!

I hope no one doubts that here

It’s not a lovely thing to say, but if everyone was being honest it was him being honest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That is an appalling attitude. Grim.
I'd be wary that dp didn't share such shaming views. But also I would never discuss my sexual history with anyone other than a partner or someone medical. You are perhaps too open or walked into a set up to check out your suitability my first boyfriends mum oftend randomly interrogated me in order to criticise me. I hope she made someone a peach of a MIL

Who you sleep with is your choice but you are naive if you didn't think you'd be judged on what you said.

We came into our sexuality when each sexual partner meant a chance at death

No matter how many times I read this I can't work it out

I'm assuming the pp meant they began having sex during the eighties when hiv was first widely known of...?

Yes, it was a candid response. But he response is incorrect and (I believe) misogynistic.

To strictly answer your question from the opening post: yes.

Yes 100% incorrect and 100% misogynistic

It's not the fact the subject is sex, it's the fact that you've discussed a personal piece of information. That you have now been judged on.

YABU to feel furious; if you didn't want to invite comment/opinion, you shouldn't have shared.

Plus, I think you have to remember that your DP’s parents are always going to have half an eye on his interest in any conversation. I have no personal view on how many people you’ve slept with (couldn’t give less of a shit) but as his parents they are going to be thinking about the risk to their DS of STIs, for example.

That was shitty to say. I find the older generation definitely more judgemental when in fact nobody should be judged for sleeping with whomever they want to providing it's been done with their consent and safely.

But you could say that about anything, that if you don't want anyone to judge you or make unfair comments then you just shouldn't say anything at all?

So what's the number then?

“ Why on earth would you share this?”

Why wouldn’t you? Oh hang on, this is mumsnet so sex = shame

Not really @streetwise! I think people are just shocked this was shared with her DP parents!!

Why wouldn’t you? Oh hang on, this is mumsnet so sex = shame.

No sex isn't shame, but it's private. There's a difference.

I can't imagine any circumstances where I'd disclose to my in laws information about my sexual history.

But you could say that about anything, that if you don't want anyone to judge you or make unfair comments then you just shouldn't say anything at all?

I often do say nothing at all. Others have a perfect right to judge me; there’s no anti-judging law.

@Footballmumto3 thank you! I'll just facepalm over here. It's been a long day!

I think you should say something. It is misogynistic & offensive & yanbu to sleep with as many folk as you like

On the other hand, if it was my child and they’d slept with 100 at the age of 19, I’d assume a lot of those were pre-legal age

A person could realistically break their virginity and fuck 100 people at the age of 19, Doesn't have to involve anything underage.
The person could be 19, with a partner and fuck many many more times.

You've done nothing wrong. Father is judgemental.

Take the people telling you not to share as providing helpful advice, not an accusation of wrong-doing. There should be nothing wrong with sharing, but because other people are sometimes arses, it's wiser to be wary.