To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

ffswhatnext - but would your in-laws ask you that?

Slightly off the point, but if my new partner’s parents told me how many people they had slept with I would be out of there.

I agree.

I hope my children don’t grow up being afraid of using and enjoying their bodies for the potential judgement out there

As long as it’s safe then carry on

Wouldn't put me off a guy if he'd slept with hundreds. Why would it?

At the end of the day regardless of the number of partners, people are still going to fuck loads. You it could be with the same partner over the past 20 days, for others its multiple partners. But at the end of the day, it's still the same number.

Lumity - but if they didn’t want to know the answer or we’re going to be judgey about her number then they shouldn’t have asked that question either

CharityConundrum

Well, for me, it’s one of those things that might not be sad, but every time I’ve encountered something similar it has been sad. A 16/17 year old girl might sleep with 3 or 4 people a month joyfully and mindfully, or she might do it because she doesn’t understand how not to. I have never encountered someone sleeping around at that age who hasn’t regretted it.

Hmm he’s prob jealous/uncomfortable that a woman enjoys a sex life. If he was prepared to start drunkenly having that conversation he shouldn’t be a judgemental prick about it. Tell him to do one.

I'm still reading the thread but had to say turt, I was born in 1955 so was a young adult in the1970s.
That makes me older generation.
You appear to know nothing of what attitudes we had or have.
I find your post offensive.
An attitude comes from a person, surely?
Not a generation.

Of course anyone can sleep with as many partners as they like, but if you're going to broadcast that private information you can't become 'furious' when you don't like the response.

She didn’t broadcast it though. Everyone was asking and sharing too

Some people are more open about their sex lives than others, is it really that hard to understand that we are all different?

YANBU OP, he was being ridiculous.

@lumity my first mil did ask.
She didn't like the answer and made some derogatory answer.
I suggest along the lines of maybe a good fuck would help her stop her being uptight.

It's generational. If you're around 20, you've grown up in the era of free porn, and have been conditioned into believing that great sex is only about variety, adventures, and trying to squash down any unsightly emotions so it's all just fun. Basically, men have made you think that way, for their own convenience.

In my opinion. I'm late 40s.

But, why should I "expect" judgment, when it's wrong? If something is wrong and misogynistic, why should I put up with it just because I chose to disclose certain information?

DP is the same age as me and has only slept with two less and his partner has no issue with that.

@CharityConundrum well because even though you’re legally able to have sex at 16, I don’t believe that that immediately makes you mature enough to deal with the complexities of sleeping with 100 people. Very different if you’ve got some life experience and are exploring your sexuality / using it for your own pleasure but I don’t believe that 16 year olds are mature enough yet to deal with that.

I know a few people who slept with a lot of people at that age (and those I know who slept with a lot at that age all started much younger, one friend at age 13) and they all regret it.

Everyone was asking and sharing too

If everyone jumped off a bridge...

AnuvvaMuvva

You're wrong. Great sex means different things to different people, the greatest sex, for me, is with my partner whom I love. I have had other good sex because: I enjoy it! It doesn't run any deeper than that.

But, why should I "expect" judgment, when it's wrong? If something is wrong and misogynistic, why should I put up with it just because I chose to disclose certain information?

You don’t have to put up with it. You can, if you wish, disclose that you think your DP’s father is a misogynistic, hypocritical twat.

Brimful

It wasn't a bridge, though. It was a drunken conversation and this isn't a playground.

As this is an anonymous forum, I can tell you it’s more than 1 and less 1,000.
Highly identifying!

So you and your dh have slept with the same amount of people?

I also think perhaps there is a generation of women who left school in the mid/ late 90s , for whom binge drinking and ladette culture was all the rage.
Raves, Drugs, three for a pound tequilas, one night stands.. It girls, no social media retribution as there is now ....
And I think many of these women live with real emotional scars from living through this time and embracing that culture. Pre "me-too",
Pre the exposure of small town sex exploitation.
I think a generation of women live with real damage from this time, and carry a sense of shame. Many victims of sexual abuse and harassment that was just disguised as Saturday night clubbing.
You look upon your sexual past differently when kids come along. I find it sad when really young women have had a host of sexual partners.
I do think it’s a question of self worth. I also wonder why their parents aren’t protecting them.
So what may be culturally acceptable and encouraged at the time looks different later in life.
I imagine twenty years from now there’ll be a lot of people seeking therapy for all the tinder shagging they did in their younger years. But for now it seems a massive laugh for people to have a few different partners a week.
None of this to be discussed with the in laws though.

You sound terribly immature
As a parent of a 19 year old I would not be impressed with any partner of DD's boasting how many girls he had slept with.

I would judge him for sharing that information.

A very strange dynamic

You were definitely over-sharing, but his response was hideously misogynistic. He felt 'sorry' for you and questioned your sense of self-worth because traditionally men have seen women who enjoy sex as being 'desperate', 'lonely', 'cheap' etc.etc.etc. Yawn. Gives them some kind of feeling of power I suppose. Bet his son didn't get the same response.

He's just showing his age/lack of intelligence by not recognising that having many sexual experiences is a valid choice made by many women who gasp love sex as much as men do (or men pretend to anyway, to keep face when they're talking to their mates).