To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

I think you're quite right in your opinion that the dad is a misogynist and bit of a prick. I like to think I'm very sexually liberated, openminded, mature and experienced. It's still not something I would discuss with my in-laws. I think you can be sexually confident without needing to tell anyone about it. You can be a fierce sexual being in private; it doesn't need to be acknowledged publicly for it to be any more true.
My DP asked my number; I plucked a number out of thin air that is around 1/3 of the amount I've actually been with. I don't think my real number is overly shocking, however he thinks my fictitious number is a lot. I don't care. I spent a large portion of my adult life as single & carefree.
It's not a question that people should ask anyway in my opinion. I find men care far more than women do (but I'm looking at that from a biased female perspective). In general I find that people who ask tend to have very low numbers and are in fact, angling to judge others for their numbers. Its been a loaded question at every encounter I've had with it. In future either be prepared for judgment, refuse to answer or even do as I do and pluck whatever number you feel like having that day and tell the person that you have today decided it is 800/5/43 and they can do whatever they like that information

I don't have children and I am too old to have any now but have an interest in child safeguarding having worked in this area previously. I was also very curious to see if the rumours I had heard about Mumsnet being unbelievably funny, hysterically embarrassing, outspoken and candid were true.

I can confirm the rumours are true

For a lot of men, the fact you have shagged them, never mind any others, means you are "easy". You only have to overhear the things they say about girls or women to know this is true. It's a sad fact of life.

Maybe promiscuity is bandied about as fun but there's no such thing as a free lunch for many who partake in it. And there is no such thing as safe sex as herpes proves.

I think his response shows he cares about you. He (rightly or wrongly) associates sex with love - and made an assumption that you were looking for some kind of validation using your sex life.
You're absolutely right that he should have used that same thought process for his son too.
I wouldn't be too hung up on feeling judged. We all judge, are being judged. It's natural.

There is a big difference between silently judging someone and rudely making your judgment known when that person is not even your child and is a guest in your home who you are presumably supposed to be making feel welcome.

Whether you agree with his judgment or not he was incredibly mean and rude to pick on her and say it.

OP - take no notice of many of the responses you are getting. Sounds like most really wanted to know your "number".

YANBU - it is not his place to judge you. If he mentions it again, just say something smart like... my past is what me the person I am now and the person your son loves.

And if he's a dick about it say... "ha ha you're just jealous your generation did not have Tinder etc cause then you're number would have been more!"

Nobody should make you feel bad about your number, whether low or high. Yes, it was a horrendous, judgy comment on his part. I'd have told him to up his number by one and go fuck himself.

I would be put right off a bloke who told me had slept with more than about 12 ish women. If nothing else, it would show me he jumped right in before deciding it was going somewhere. As a poster above said, I think it's generational. My young lodger has gone through 3 short-term relationships in the few months he has lived here.

I can't imagine having that conversation with in laws or even my own mother or daughters. In the eighties we were definitely scared if Aids and in the seventies not that many girls slept around. Fear of pregnancy was very real and being a single mother was a very hard choice to make.

I think the FIL probably just shared what many of his age would think.

Yes, he was judging you. He would've been polite to keep his thoughts to himself, and if his own son gave such a similar number, he definitely should've kept his mouth shut. (I'm somewhat surprised you didn't immediately point out his hypocrisy.)

However, you open yourself up to judgment (though more usually silent judgment) when you share personal information.

And no, it's definitely not a typical conversation topic among in-laws or potential in-laws! (And it's not prudish to think that it's a private matter! )

I don't see that confronting him will improve the situation, but if I did, I'd point out how little difference there is between your "number" and his son's, then ask if he thinks that means that his son has/had a low sense of self-worth. I doubt you'll change his opinion of you, though. He is what he is, and now you know that, just as your partner's family all now know something about you that maybe it would've been better to have kept private.

The idea of telling my dear old FIL how many people I'd fucked before I met his son makes me want to turn myself inside out with cringe. Some things are best left unsaid is the lesson here.

would be put right off a bloke who told me had slept with more than about 12 ish women

Me too, I’d probably go even lower personally.

At 19, I’d be horrified my children had reached double digits.

And it's a VERY common conversation has between adults

Errrrrrm, woth friends. Not with in-laws

Oh didn't you know everyone says 3 before you. I think 4 is acceptable. Of course generally it's not true.

To be honest I stopped counting, but it's quite a lot before settling down. Spread over 10 years. I don't feel taken advantage of. Although some of the people I would of liked to have tried to have a relationship, but wasn't happening. I didn't jump into bed with each of them immediately some I did but of course it really doesn't matter as long as you consented. We can all look back and say we would do things differently, maybe it would of been more, but it's not something to worry about.

Honestly. Generational thing

Remember, sex was invented in the 1960s.

I'm in my late 60s now and most of my generation did not save sex for marriage. ONS weren't uncommon either.

Your in-laws' views are not representative of an entire generation.

Still a weird conversation to have with them though.

OP you do come across as very immature. You should take this as a lesson about when to keep things private. Private does not mean prude. I also find it hard to believe that you would not care if your daughter was sleeping around with loads of men, another immature response. What is the point posting on here asking for opinions then arguing with everyone.

No problem challenging something in a conversation or afterwards that upset you and certainly reasonable to challenge double standards. Just think what you want to make the main point and do it soon.

Yanbu to sleep with as many as you want.

Yabvu to share with the inlaws!!!! What were you thinking????