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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep with as many people as I wish

417 replies

ambiencing · 20/11/2019 18:25

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 09:40

I think the op played it well.
If she had put on 11 there would have been lots of ffs and?
Many also chose to think it was a lot higher and responded in that way. Made up things etc.

Adults do talk about sex. It’s not a little secret thing that should be hidden.

Discussing it here on in rl shouldn’t make a difference and smacks of double standards

On a forum crack on you are mature
In rl you are immature for discussing your sex life.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 22/11/2019 09:40

crispysausagerolls

I agree completely with your last post.

Insecure and attention seeking.

ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 09:43

If we cannot fuck because we really don’t know a person then no one should fuck.
Even if your married for 30 years, you never really know that person.

Ex colleagues why not if I want to?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 22/11/2019 09:43

On a forum crack on you are mature
In rl you are immature for discussing your sex life.

I don't think you're mature if you discuss it on line. I just don't see the point. Is it seeking validation or what? If you are happy with the choices you make why do you need to seek validation from anyone else? If it isn't validation you're after then why would you want to tell anyone else?

It isn't a neutral conversation and people will have opinions on it. If you don't want to hear those opinions then don't tell people.

It is immature to think that you can discuss this without having judgements made.

OneDay10 · 22/11/2019 09:47

agree with you crispy. Inappropriate conversation to have with your in laws. you dont know what other peoples opinions are and everyone is entitled to it.
I would be disgusted to hear someone actually have a huge number. I dont want to know that. I would also be questioning your self worth and hope that you havent caught anything as you seem to be very casual with your health.

ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 09:49

Nothing to do with validation or attention seeking.
Just why should people hide their numbers if they aren’t ashamed etc?

If people don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. If I get asked I tell. I have nothing to hide.

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2019 09:50

Anyone else wondering what the conversation's going to be like over Christmas dinner? Grin Grin

"Could you pass the clotted cream please? Oh by the way that reminds me, how many times have you all had thrush?"

ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 09:51

Why do you assume that she might have something?

Read all the time on hear posters who have never been tested for a thing. Well other than a pregnancy test. A Lot of serial shaggers get tested regularly and not just blood and genital swabs.

aSofaNearYou · 22/11/2019 09:51

Omg can people give it a rest and just accept that people have different relationships with their families?

I wouldn't discuss this with my parents but my DPs side are very open (overly so in my opinion) about their sex lives and seem to know everything any of them have ever done. This is 100% a conversation they would have. OP wasn't even the first to mention her number, they instigated it, so don't you think we've had enough "I would never discuss this with my partner's parents" comments? It's not the point.

The father made no comment about his son's sexual history but condemned hers - that is quite obviously the point.

CAG12 · 22/11/2019 09:54

The last time I discussed this I was about 16. Its not a convo that needs to be had.

In this case I think theres a generational difference, hench the difference in opinion.

Equally I do believe people have sex with other people for a number of reasons. Yes, because its fun and why cant they, but also because its a way of feeling 'wanted' in that moment.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 22/11/2019 09:54

ffswhatnext
Fuck whoever you like.

And you've got more of a chance of knowing that someone's a fairly decent person if you've spent some time with them than if you rush straight to jumping into bed with them.

How many ex colleagues do you have? This all depends on the numbers you're talking about - 4 men a year is more plausible that you know them than 4 a week.

The irony here is though that you are bristling at the idea that you might be judged for the number of people that you've fucked whilst merrily judging yourself anyone that thinks that sex should mean more.

Havaina · 22/11/2019 09:55

Who introduced the subject OP? I only ask because lots of people seem to be painting you as the instigator and the FIL as a cuddly old man from another era that you shocked.

overnightangel · 22/11/2019 10:00

“And it's a VERY common conversation has between adults. You just seem like a prude.”

And you don’t seem like an adult.

Also, 11 ffs 😂You were building yourself up so much as well.
Off you toddle back to school

BrickTop999 · 22/11/2019 10:06

Ive slept with many many men and I dont give a fuck what “most” people think and Id certainly discuss it down the pub with my mates

......but Id never dream of discussing it with my inlaws !

ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 10:06

How many ex-colleagues I honestly haven't got a clue. Does anyone really know how many ex-colleagues they've encountered over the years? If I had to guess it would be easily over 1000 people spanning over 30 years.

Even if you don't jump into bed with them straight away, you can never really tell if they are decent or not. Some hide their true colours for years.

cccameron · 22/11/2019 10:19

And it's a VERY common conversation has between adults. You just seem like a prude

Not with your boyfriends mum and dad it isn't. Probably pretty much unheard of. What's on the agenda for next Wednesday? Discussing anal with his nan?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 22/11/2019 10:20

No one knows 1000 people well enough to class them as anything other than acquaintances. They are barely more than strangers so why kid yourself?

crispysausagerolls · 22/11/2019 10:20

If OP isn’t ashamed why does she give a fuck what her in laws think?

justilou1 · 22/11/2019 10:21

Hi OP, I am 4.3 years older than my husband. When we were first together, we were discussing previous sexual partners. I was at eleven when I realized that he had stopped at eight. I thought that I had better stop too. He was totally cool with that. Now we have teenage daughters he is really not cool at all with even saying “Sexual Partner”. (Btw, glad I did stop counting when I did, because a later re-count showed more than double.... but I was over thirty when I met DH.)

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 22/11/2019 10:22

crispysausagerolls

Exactly. Clearly she's seeking validation but why if she's so happy with herself?

justilou1 · 22/11/2019 10:22

However, would honestly rather eat shit and die than discuss with my in-laws.

crispysausagerolls · 22/11/2019 10:25

hearhoovesthinkzebras

Agree

ffswhatnext · 22/11/2019 10:26

You asked me how many ex-colleagues I had met, which at a guess it's 1000. Could be more.

Everyone is a stranger until they aren't.

rattusrattus20 · 22/11/2019 10:26

poor form on both counts IMO - op shouldn't have told, FIL should have left it at that.

Ginfordinner · 22/11/2019 10:28

And it's a VERY common conversation has between adults. You just seem like a prude

Wow. Judgemental much.
I’m 61 and have met a lot of people throughout my life, from all walks of life. I can honestly say that this is not a conversation I have had with anyone. I’m not a prude, nor are most people I know. It just isn’t something we discuss.

Yes you meet people but you don't know all of those people well enough to be at your most vulnerable with.

Some people don’t care about that. I don’t fancy most people I meet enough to sleep with them though.

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