To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

Never too late to get on Tinder. 😉

I'm not convinced the conversation ever happened, and even if it did it'd win 10/10 for being the most bloody pointless conversation ever! A discussion regarding the 'average number of people someone has sex with in a lifetime'. And this conversation took place between a 50's married couple, their 19/20 DC and a 19yr old OP? So not actually a question any of you could answer due to your ages then? Also you expect us to believe that Mr Misogynist was so keen to get his daughter to reveal all as well? Yeah right-o!

The dad sounds like a brexiteer. Hth

I'd just own it. The number of people you have slept with was your choice. I probably wouldn't share this with my in laws or anyone else for that matter as I wouldn't want to get into defending my choices.

I'm glad I did sleep with the people I did as it taught me a lot about myself what I enjoyed and what I didn't. I wouldn't say each one was a great choice or great in bed or that I was always coming from a place of 'joyous communion' or whatever your FIL believes is the correct reason to have sex. Sometimes it was just fun or made me feel good, I'm afraid I didn't really care too much about what others thought. Don't feel ashamed and DPs dad can just keep his opinions to himself or is he currently embroidering you a scarlet A for your t-shirt?

Perhaps there have been aspects of your behaviour which have caused your dp's df to believe that you may have low self-esteem and revealing the, presumably large, number of sexual partners you've had at such a young age has served to confirm his opinion.

If this is the case, his comment may have come from a place of caring rather than being a misogynistic judgement.

In any event, I hope you'll come to realise that discretion is the better part of valour and make it your maxim should find yourself in a similar situation at some future date.

What kind of adult talks about how many they have slept with? It’s like talking about how much your car cost, it is boring and meaningless.

@RhiWrites

You would go on Tinder? It is full of liars and married men imho

What is so important about sex? ... I have had a few sexual partners and went though a bit of mad spell of a different man every week until I found the right fit My other half has been engaged twice and has had many sexual partners but refuses to talk about it because he feels ashamed for some bizarre reason. I would never disclose how many men I have slept with because it would upset my husband so I keep it to myself.

The world is full of liars and married men. That’s not unique to any individual dating platform.

I should add I don’t want to go on Tinder now, I’m very happy on my relationship. But I was lucky to find my partner and to have the wits to appreciate them when I did.

No you shouldn't be furious with him. Yes you should leave it.

It was a crazy topic. This should be private stuff. Especially as although you say your number is nowhere near 100, it must i guess have been in the 10s to make him react like that.

I don't think he was being misogynistic at all. That's your reaction but actually in his experience, the boundary of physical intimacy and who gets close to you is very important, and he couldn't get why you would have constantly crossed it, or allowed others to have that access to you. For him, you'd only allow that if you were seeking approval/love. He didn't (drunk and shocked) get it that you were just doing it for the fun of having a load of sex.

Although you have seen a lot, you're still very new to all of this. Don't think he was being unkind. He was just bewildered and trying to make sense of your actions.

Leave it. And bloody don't get drunk and tell them intimate stuff again.

OP, Yes, l do think you overshared information. it’s nothing to do with anyone else but l do not think it has anything to do with self worth. Enjoy being who you are.

Why do prople say slept with, “what pleasure can 2 lovers find from sleep” (Shakespeare).

I am in my 40s and had sex with more people than you, bring on the name calling!! l’ve had a lot of fun along the way. No regrets.

Yes he was sexist and judgmental.

Happy consensual sex is happy consensual sex.

However, people are often sexist and judgmental, and prudish too.

So if you are going to be sensitive to that reaction, and maybe even if you are not, maybe keep discussions theoretical rather than personal. It is quite a bit of sharing to tell your ILs about previous sexual partners. I can’t imagine my DH telling my parents that.

I don’t think he said anything wrong, I would feel sorry for someone who slept with lots of people at a young age, shows that their upbringing was below average. 16 is still a child.

YABU to be furious about this. You should have said something at the time.

If you are going to talk about whether to lower the age of consent you should have just talked about that. No need to discuss how many sexual partners you've had with your DP's family. You gave them the information and you were in a discussion so you shouldn't be surprised to get what appears to be a well-meaning question on it.

GoGreen and even if that is your (judgemental) opinion, you wouldn’t think it wrong to turn to a young person and tell them you think that their upbringing was ‘below average’ and you feel sorry for them because of the number of sexual partners?

You would say this to them and think it ok to do so?

He judged you and I would be pissed off too. He's decided that 4 is a healthy number of people to have slept with so your 20 has shown him up. Also, you're a woman so you're not supposed to enjoy sex. There must be another motivation that has caused you to behave in this way. Tell him to fuck off with his self esteem pity and take a look at his own self worth if he is so unsettled by your confident life choices.

No one is stupid enough to discuss how many people they had fucked with their partners mum and dad surely. Creepy, cringey and completely inappropriate.

You're sounding a bit Prince Andrew ish. Sleep with whoever you want. Count them if you must. If you think it's appropriate to discuss it with others, particularly in laws where healthy distance should be maintained, then be adult enough to accept their opinion is unikely to agree with yours. And accept it.

It’s an opinion, that is all.

My opinion is that it was idiotic to share that info in the first place, with that audience. What on earth were you thinking??

Why are people calling the parents in-laws when the OP is just their son's socially unaware and immature girlfriend?
Just being pedantic

OP, i wonder if you will still hold the same views if you ever have a teenage Daughter

No I wouldn’t say that blouse, but I would certainly think it, so I think the in laws response was justified. So what if I’m judgemental, my opinion is that I think, having that many partners at such a young age, male or female raises eyebrows.

Everyone judges, just because they don’t say it out aloud doesn’t mean their not judging, your foolish to think otherwise.

The OP should not be discussing her private life with her partners parents, that’s just cringey

@longwayoff

Oh yes, I definitely sound Prince Andrewish. A paedophile and trafficker sympathiser that has orgies with underage girls. Just like him, aren't I?!

Yes, I do sleep with whoever I want because guess what...? It's my body.

I don't believe that I should accept a very clearly, misogynistic, view.

How was he not misogynistic? When his son has only slept with two people less than me, but that's absolutely fine?

If I ever have a teenage daughter, she will be able to do whatever she pleases with her body so long as nobody is getting hurt and she is being safe.

Bully for you 😴

GoGreen “No I wouldn’t say that blouse, but I would certainly think it”

Right, well, the FIL did say it and he actually said worse. No one can or should police other people’s opinions but voicing an opinion about another person’s behaviour, when it literally had no effect or impact on your own life is obnoxious. It’s making assumptions too. You may think choosing to have sex with several partners is a result of ‘below average parenting ‘ but you don’t know that.