Friend not paid for hen party. Would I BU to...

[HonestTeacher]

Looking for some advice. I probably am being really unreasonable and passive aggressive too so feel free to tell me so!

A group of friends and I booked a weekend away for my hen party. Everyone confirmed they were happy with dates and costs. I booked and paid for it all. One person has not paid and is now saying they will not be coming (Quite a flaky friend- always cancels). I explained that I had paid for her place but she is refusing to give me the £100. I'm not going to ask the others to split the cost of her place because it is not fair for their costs to go up because she pulled out. I originally said this as a joke but now seriously considering it...would I be unreasonable to give her an evening invite to the wedding now instead of a day invite? It would mean I save quite a bit of money and can recoup the hen party costs 😁 I never mentioned day/evening invites previously when letting people know the date. Given her past, it would be quite likely she would not turn up for the wedding anyway!

Some friend she is! In your position I wouldn’t invite her at all and tell her you were recouping lost costs if she asks. However, an evening only invite is a good compromise. YANBU

The cancelling is pretty shitty.

Knowingly - and without giving a fuck - leaving you £100 down is piss poor behaviour.

I don’t think I’d invite her at all.

Don't invite her at all. She's a bitch

If the opportunity arises, I think I would tell her in front of others, gently, that she still needs to pay back the £100 and ask if she needs your bank details.

Catwaving
Sounds to me - reading between the lines - that if she had never said she would come the others would've had to pay more per head anyway (as you would renting a house for example) so I dont see the issue dividing the £100 across the others......making a drama out of nothing really

Yes but the thing is here, if you've already told X amount of people that it's £100 per head, they'll have budgeted for that and possibly made their decisions on wether to attend based on that figure. It's unfair to bump up the cost after the fact because of one inconsiderate areshole. It's obviously doubly unfair on op to cover the whole £100 on her own too!
Op, I've been chief money collector for a 'do' once and it was an absolute nightmare. I swore I'd never do it again, getting money out of other people is the worst thing ever and the person nominated to do it should always be the one with the strongest backbone or else people smell the fear and walk all over you.

Don’t invite her to the wedding. It’s fine if she can’t make it, things happen, but she should pay for the place!

And also, absolutely ask after the money in front of others or make damn clear that you're having to up the cost "because Becky has refused to pay up" don't let her wheedle out of it.

I know someone who backed out last minute because she decided she had to save money for her own hen do and wedding... After previously accepting and everyone being aware of the cost.... No fucking scruples some people!

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if she knows she's left you £100 out of pocket and is refusing to pay you back!

She would be lucky to get any invite at all.

Yeah agree with everyone else about the invite but also, in future when booking stuff like this make sure you get the money from people first. Seems to be a common thing for people to pull out/change their minds so you have to protect yourself

Evening invite only. YANBU

Don't invite her at all

You precious thing.

How rude @chrisie16
You plan something
Invite friends
Share how much it will cost
Friend says yes
You book
Friend flakes leaving you ££ out of pocket.

Not precious

Is your "friend" saying she's not coming because she can't afford the £100? (Maybe when she agreed she'd thought that she could have got the £100 together by the time you needed the cash in by?). However, if she has just cancelled because she felt like and left you with £100 to cover for her place then I'd deffo not be inviting her to my wedding nor would I be continuing the friendship because if she's able to do this then she is a shit friend and you far better off without her! #Happy Hen party

Is it possible that she's flakey and flaking because she has limited expendable income? Perhaps it's difficult right now for her to dig up a spare 100, and she doesn't quite know how to handle the fact that she committed but is now stuck, so she's bailing from the whole thing. Just a thought, could be off track. But a compassionate approach still isn't out of the question, regardless of the situation, surely.

This is why when you organise these things you make everyone pay a deposit before booking. Set a date and if they don't pay you know they can't make it.
I would be cheeky and say in the group chat for those that haven't paid you have till Friday, so others are aware everyone has not paid up. Dont name and shame, but make it clear to all going you are out of pocket.

Sorry if someone has already said this - but how is she a friend if she treats you this way? Friendship isn't about longevity. It's about how you treat each other.