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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend not paid for hen party. Would I BU to...

193 replies

HonestTeacher · 20/11/2019 17:06

Looking for some advice. I probably am being really unreasonable and passive aggressive too so feel free to tell me so!

A group of friends and I booked a weekend away for my hen party. Everyone confirmed they were happy with dates and costs. I booked and paid for it all. One person has not paid and is now saying they will not be coming (Quite a flaky friend- always cancels). I explained that I had paid for her place but she is refusing to give me the £100. I'm not going to ask the others to split the cost of her place because it is not fair for their costs to go up because she pulled out. I originally said this as a joke but now seriously considering it...would I be unreasonable to give her an evening invite to the wedding now instead of a day invite? It would mean I save quite a bit of money and can recoup the hen party costs 😁 I never mentioned day/evening invites previously when letting people know the date. Given her past, it would be quite likely she would not turn up for the wedding anyway!

OP posts:
plightofthealbatross · 20/11/2019 17:27

I wouldn't invite her at all, tbh. Friends don't stiff friends out of £100.

TheReluctantCountess · 20/11/2019 17:27

Don’t invite her to the wedding, and consider the saved costs as some compensation for the £100.

Drum2018 · 20/11/2019 17:29

I wouldn't invite her to the evening either. She's stitched you up so let her sod off.

Beveren · 20/11/2019 17:29

Why would you invite someone who is happy to see you £100 out of pocket at all?

JasonPollack · 20/11/2019 17:30

I wouldnt invite her at all. She has stolen from you, same as if she has put her hand in your purse! £100 is a lot of money.

gamerchick · 20/11/2019 17:32

Evening invites are a bit FU anyway.. well unless you stipulate no gifts. so it'll definitely get the point across.

misspiggy19 · 20/11/2019 17:32

**Of course cancel her wedding invitation. I wouldn’t invite her to the evening do either.

Lumbering someone with £100 and having no problem with it morally? Not a friend you want to keep.**

^Completely agree. Why do you want to invite her to the evening and stay friends with her?

Happygoldfinch · 20/11/2019 17:33

She sounds like a real handful. Definitely recoup your costs.

KitKat1985 · 20/11/2019 17:33

I wouldn't invite her at all. She's not a friend of yours if she's happy to see you £100 short because she's changed her mind about going to your hen do.

dontalltalkatonce · 20/11/2019 17:34

Will ask one last time and will give an evening invite if she does not agree.

Why bother? She's a twat.

category12 · 20/11/2019 17:35

I wouldn't bother with the evening invite.

MatildaTheCat · 20/11/2019 17:35

When your message her be sure to be absolutely clear that if she doesn’t come/pay, it will be you that has to cover the £100. Then if she refuses she really is a twat and definitely only deserving of an evening invite which she will probably decline.

What a shame.

crustycrab · 20/11/2019 17:35

I wouldn't invite her to any of it if she doesn't pay up. She'll just not turn up to the wedding anyway and you won't be friends after this.

BlueDinosaur · 20/11/2019 17:37

I wouldn’t even bother giving her an evening invite, I doubt she’d turn up anyway so you might as well not mess your numbers up there too. You still have to pay for evening guests after all. Why be messed about further?

OrangeZog · 20/11/2019 17:37

Lumbering someone with £100 and having no problem with it morally? Not a friend you want to keep.

^This and since you don’t think she will turn up anyway, you’ll save yourself any expenses incurred for an evening guest.

Butterfly84 · 20/11/2019 17:37

Don't invite her at all.

It doesn't help you now but it wasn't a wise choice taking her word that she will pay £100 if she has form for being flaky. You do not need a 'friend' who feels morally happy to leave you out of pocket.

Sunflower20 · 20/11/2019 17:38

No invite for her, at all.

LetsSplashMummy · 20/11/2019 17:39

Can you offer her spot to someone else (not for her sake, for yours)?

Fine to invite her to less of the wedding. If she asks you just say she upset you by the way she behaved over the hen do.

LagunaBubbles · 20/11/2019 17:41

Why would you even think about sending her an evening invite if she's prepared to leave you out of pocket? I would be telli g the rest of your hen party to.

msmith501 · 20/11/2019 17:41

If she doesn't want to go then that is her choice but she needs to pay you the money. You are out of pocket as a result of her agreeing to the costs and then going back in the deal. A bit like this?

uk.practicallaw.thomsonreuters.com/1-518-6318?transitionType=Default&contextData=(sc.Default)&firstPage=true&bhcp=1

HollowTalk · 20/11/2019 17:42

I wouldn't invite her to the evening party. I would tell the others that she hasn't paid, even though she agreed to pay, and that you don't want her there for your wedding.

Laughterisbest · 20/11/2019 17:43

Okay I’m going to hate myself for saying this, as what you are suggesting is rude as fuck...

But no YWNBU

runs away and hides

What on earth are you on about? Rude to invite her to the evening reception? She shouldn't be invited at all.

Over and over again on here I see so-called friends behaving badly and getting away with it. I would cut her out of my life.

SunshineCake · 20/11/2019 17:43

Inviting her when you know she probably won't come, even without the hen do nonsense, is giving her all the power in this non friendship. Don't ask again, no more mention of it to her, don't send any type of invitation.

Everythingmagnolia · 20/11/2019 17:44

Wouldn't invite her to any part of the day, she is so rude!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/11/2019 17:45

God that's really rude (therefore U) but I HATE flakes and you're £100 down so therefore it's not U.

Honestly though, if she's so flaky I wouldn't invite her to the day time either way - you know she'll accept and not show and there is nothing more frustrating than an empty seat that's cost you £££ at a wedding.