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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend not paid for hen party. Would I BU to...

193 replies

HonestTeacher · 20/11/2019 17:06

Looking for some advice. I probably am being really unreasonable and passive aggressive too so feel free to tell me so!

A group of friends and I booked a weekend away for my hen party. Everyone confirmed they were happy with dates and costs. I booked and paid for it all. One person has not paid and is now saying they will not be coming (Quite a flaky friend- always cancels). I explained that I had paid for her place but she is refusing to give me the £100. I'm not going to ask the others to split the cost of her place because it is not fair for their costs to go up because she pulled out. I originally said this as a joke but now seriously considering it...would I be unreasonable to give her an evening invite to the wedding now instead of a day invite? It would mean I save quite a bit of money and can recoup the hen party costs 😁 I never mentioned day/evening invites previously when letting people know the date. Given her past, it would be quite likely she would not turn up for the wedding anyway!

OP posts:
Redred2429 · 20/11/2019 18:17

I agree I would not invite her she is not being a good friend by doing this to you

bpirockin · 20/11/2019 18:18

Yay! Good for you OP -.

DonKeyshot · 20/11/2019 18:29

Unless she pays her share for the hen do, she doesn't get to attend your wedding either in the day or the evening. Simple as. Tell her she's been taken off your guest list and not to bother showing up as she won't be admitted.
.

picklemepopcorn · 20/11/2019 18:32

Has she already had an invite? I don't think you can withdraw it...

Did you go to hers?

Wonkybanana · 20/11/2019 18:32

Also, we have mutual friends and it would be awkward at gatherings if I have completely snubbed her

But presumably you're not the only one she flakes on. So the others will know how you feel and may even be relieved that someone has finally stood up to her.

Leeds2 · 20/11/2019 18:32

I wouldn't invite her to any part of the wedding. And, if anyone asked why she wasn't there, I would tell them the truth.

Ellie56 · 20/11/2019 18:32

She is not your friend however long you have known her. She has reneged on the agreement she made and you are now £100 out of pocket as a result. She is untrustworthy, beyond rude and totally shameless. Nobody with any morals or sense of decency does that to anybody, much less to a friend! In your shoes I would be very upset and absolutely furious. Angry

Don't invite her to the wedding at all and tell the mutual friends why. Let them all know what she's really like.

Felyne · 20/11/2019 18:38

I would never have the guts if it was me but I'd love to do a group email/whatsapp including CF friend and just go with "Looking forward to the hen party, just so you all know CF has decided not to come and also not to pay for her place despite previously agreeing to. I've included her in this group to hear her ideas as to who should pay for her place. Should we divide it between ourselves and all pay an extra £15 despite having expected it to be £100 or should I have to cover the whole £100 myself? Which do you think is fairest, CF?" but I also know if I was one of the other friends the awkwardness would make me just pay £15 out of 'guilt'. Good luck OP.

WaningGibbous · 20/11/2019 18:43

I think your friendship has run its course.

I organised my bf's hen do 20-odd years ago and got stuffed by a couple of the hens who didn't pay, refused to email me back and I didn't have any other contact details. And I was skint and couldn't really afford a wedding present on top of paying for their weekend away. I didn't say a word to my bf because I didn't want to upset her ... she went away with them last weekend and they plastered photos all over FB and I still had - 20 years later - to sit on my hands rather than say 'Oy you owe me £150 you twats' She still thinks they are wonderful Hmm

senua · 20/11/2019 18:44

How much will it cost you to invite her to evening-only? If it's nothing - she's only an extra body at the disco - then invite her because then it will cost her a wedding present!Grin

ittakes2 · 20/11/2019 18:46

I have gotten stuck on why you have organised your own hen party. Its unusual from my experience. Do you think there has been a miscommunications as she has said it sounds great but wasn't expecting you to book and pay for it?

Thehop · 20/11/2019 18:47

Send her an evening invite and explain the food/drinks package is £100 and you need a cheque with her RSVP

Op cut her loose, cheeky twat she is

Queenoftheashes · 20/11/2019 18:47

Whadda bitch!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 20/11/2019 18:48

Evening only purely on the basis of flakiness

MulticolourMophead · 20/11/2019 18:51

I think you should let the rest know the situation. That this friend is now not coming and is refusing to pay you the £100 she owes.

Smithy01 · 20/11/2019 18:51

I wouldn’t feel awkward for snubbing her when you next bump into her in your friends group, she’s quite happy to do you out of £100 and not worry about it being awkward!

Thehop · 20/11/2019 18:52

@ WaningGibbous I’d have to post “looks fabulous, I could do stuff like this if I wasn’t left in debt by people flaking out on hen dos” or something I literally couldn’t ignore it. That’s horrible!

Perunatop · 20/11/2019 18:53

If she knows you are losing £100 and refuses to contribute then I would not invite her at all.

MulticolourMophead · 20/11/2019 18:53

I'm so glad you all agree. It has been stressing me out for a few days as £100 is a lot of money for me. I would never book something so expensive without everyone agreeing on venue, dates and costs so was astounded when she said she would not pay.

If you've got her agreement by text/email/in writing at all, she can't claim she didn't know.

amusedbush · 20/11/2019 18:56

I wouldn’t invite her at all and I wouldn’t feel guilty about it - by losing you £100 she is the one who has soured the friendship.

ShellieEllie · 20/11/2019 18:57

Could she be having some financial difficulties for whatever reason? She might be just too embarrased to tell you that.

Howshelaughed · 20/11/2019 18:57

Do you have a WhatsApp or similar group msg? I would put a msg asking if anyone knows anyone who wants to come. Just say someone has pulled out & you can't get a refund. Everyone will work it out, maybe they will offer to chip in or actually get a replacement for flake. Just don't say her name. All very innocent Wink

Keepmewarm · 20/11/2019 18:59

Why did she cancel?

WelshMammaofaSlovak · 20/11/2019 18:59

Good for you - she's stiffed you for £100 that she knows you will feel so she's simply not a friend. Also, if it's awkward at future gatherings that's because she stiffed you out of £100!!!! Don't invite her and don't feel bad about it - she needs there to be consequences for her shitty behaviour

Derbee · 20/11/2019 19:06

Don’t invite her at all. She’s no friend