Friend taking illness again, after being told I'm on the 2 week pathway

[Lumpybumps1]

I have a friend of several years who has form for fabricating illness, twice she has been caught out feigning cancer symptoms and fabricating appointments and diagnosises before back tracking after questions are asked and making miraculous recoveries claiming the doctors had got it wrong. I stuck by her despite having strong opinions on her behaviour because I suspect there may be an underlying MH problem, I don't know. Members of her family have caught her out before.

This week I've been referred urgently on the 2 week pathway for a scan and further investigation, In my case they are looking for lymphoma. I have a thread in health and have been receiving some fab support (thank you all)

This friend now knows about my investigations and is suddenly "being admitted into hospital" tomorrow despite there being nothing wrong with her. No mention of bad health this year until my doctor has concerns about me, now suddenly she's at deaths door again. Lung cancer this time. (Another friend who lives closer to her than I do has confirmed there's nothing wrong, perfectly healthy as usual)

I'm deeply hurt that she's doing this again, and doing it off the back of my legitimate health problems.

I want to say something but I'm not confrontational. Would you say anything?

I'm wishing I cut her off before, but it feels so personal and heartless now as she knows what I'm going through.

All bullshit.

It is indeed.

I'm not going to play into it with her and I'm not going to speak to her again.

She knows what she's done and is doing and perhaps once she's met with radio silence on my part she will be forced to address her behaviour and reflect upon it.

I hope she sees the error of her ways and feels bitterly ashamed of herself.

The presents will be sent back tomorrow too.

I'm still very tempted to say something but have decided against it because it'll only add more stress on my side.

I really am wondering whether she's so used to fabricating her own health problems, that she thinks I'm doing the same about my referral.

A part of me can't quite believe she would be so cruel if she felt this was genuine for me.

Just a thought, who knows.

OP, just send her a text tell her that you and others KNOW that she is a lying bastard, the presents she sent are being returned, and you never ever want anything to do with her again.

"She's just sent Christmas presents for my children which in itself is kind, she has good qualities otherwise I'd have never stayed friends, I thought she was just troubled but never malicious and now I'm not sure."
I don't think it was kind - I think it was manipulative. They're aimed at making it more difficult to cut her off. She really is a piece of work!

You're doing the right thing by sending them back and cutting her off. As for dealing with her, you must do what is best for you. Your health, and protecting it as best you can by not stressing too much, is the priority.

I think all you can do is block all contact and focus on yourself.

You're doing the right thing. Don't get into any argument with her, it may well be just what she wants. Block her everywhere you can and if she finds away around it, ignore and block again.

for your health. I hope it goes well for you.

Others may have said this, but my guess would be that if you have much further contact, your symptoms and treatment will become her 'symptoms' and fake treatment. You may feed her behaviour with absolutely no intention to do so. Very very best of luck to you with the pathway.

Thank you all

Funnily enough that thought has crossed my mind, now she knows about the two week pathway she'll undoubtedly echo that in her future fantasies to add weight to her so-called illnesses

This is Münchausen syndrome. It is a mental
Health related. Do you feel you can still be friends with her after? Honestly, I don’t think I could Op x

I really don't think I could ever forgive her for this one because it feels so personal, even if she did have munchausens.

Her family member doesn't think so because she's very selective about who she tries it with, whereas from what I know about munchauens it's usually alot bigger than that (think telling all and sundry)

Either way compulsion or not she's making a choice to say what she's saying to me, anyone with a shred of decency who happened to be so desperate for attention would choose somebody else this time and not somebody who is 1) being tested for cancer and 2) recently recovering from sepsis.

She's chosen two of my biggest fears. It's cruel

I’d be tempted to text her and say how incredibly worried you are and that you have been googling her symptoms. I’d then post a link to the Perry Index number 210 - aka the boy who cried wolf! No more need be said, she will know you have rumbled her!

I think you should ignore or go low contact. She sounds like someone who would enjoy a dramatic falling out.

I hope your health problems turn out to be something not serious. I'm not exactly sure what the 2 week pathway is but DH was referred for a scan for a lump and it turned out to be a cyst, very scary at the time but apparently very common (sorry if you already know yours is more serious)

I remember your thread about her asking for money and I never understood why you didn’t ditch her at the time. You’re giving her too much of your time and headspace. She’s faked cancer multiple times, yet you continue to maintain a friendship? By messaging her, you’re feeding into it. Step away.

I'm a fool for having kept her in my life I realise that. I'm often guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve. Stupidly i felt she was a good person at heart but suffering from mental health problems of some sort, I didn't think she was malicious.

I couldn't care less about what drives her to do it now and she won't be getting any further contact from me.

Ellie the 2 week pathway is when a GP is concerned that something is cancer, it doesn't mean I absolutely have it and there's a chance I may not. I've been rushed through for investigation because my symptoms indicate lymphoma but I might be ok, fingers crossed.

I'm glad that your DH's lump turned out to be nothing sinister

Best of luck OP

How did she react when you ignored her or refused her request for money after you came out of hospital before?

What happened after the last time with the lending money? Does she owe you money now?

I doubt she will be sorry. People like this usually turn on the person who calls them out and make them out to be the horrible one. Although it sounds like there are multiple people who know about her lies. It's terrible people do this.

Best of luck OP. I'd definitely cut this 'friend' loose.

Quietly ghost, no drama, just gently no engagement with this. Focus on your own situation. Sad to say it sounds as though she has MH issues but your boundaries still apply (in fact they especially apply!). Good luck and hope all goes well for you.

After she asked for money when I came out of hospital, a day or two after I ignored the message she popped up being cheery asking how I and the children were doing. I delayed responding but softened, chalking it up as her being unintentionally sensitive and ignorant not fully appreciating how unwell i still was.

I thought along the lines of "she must have thought as I'm home I'm perfectly ok now" and didn't realise she was being unreasonable.

Obviously she was and coupled with everything else the foregone conclusion is that I want nothing more to do with her and I'm at the end of my rope.

Unintentionally insensitive* not sensitive. Type error.

And no she doesn't owe me any money now, I've not leant her a penny since.

Thank you for the well wishes, very kind