Friend taking illness again, after being told I'm on the 2 week pathway

[Lumpybumps1]

I have a friend of several years who has form for fabricating illness, twice she has been caught out feigning cancer symptoms and fabricating appointments and diagnosises before back tracking after questions are asked and making miraculous recoveries claiming the doctors had got it wrong. I stuck by her despite having strong opinions on her behaviour because I suspect there may be an underlying MH problem, I don't know. Members of her family have caught her out before.

This week I've been referred urgently on the 2 week pathway for a scan and further investigation, In my case they are looking for lymphoma. I have a thread in health and have been receiving some fab support (thank you all)

This friend now knows about my investigations and is suddenly "being admitted into hospital" tomorrow despite there being nothing wrong with her. No mention of bad health this year until my doctor has concerns about me, now suddenly she's at deaths door again. Lung cancer this time. (Another friend who lives closer to her than I do has confirmed there's nothing wrong, perfectly healthy as usual)

I'm deeply hurt that she's doing this again, and doing it off the back of my legitimate health problems.

I want to say something but I'm not confrontational. Would you say anything?

I'm wishing I cut her off before, but it feels so personal and heartless now as she knows what I'm going through.

I would send her the message saying you know she's lying and you want nothing more to do with it all. Don't entertain any more lies and drama, just tell her straight and have done with it. Otherwise you're feeding into her need for attention and stressing yourself out in the process.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this I hope all is ok.

As for your friend - I would've cut contact with h r the first time she cried wolf. You don't need people like her round you. Ditch her.

I knew someone who used to do similar - but physical stuff eg turning up with her neck in a brace thing (word?). She never copied the injuries of others if someone had a bad knee she would have a slipped disk and have a stick (she always had to have ‘stuff’ eg crutches, a bandage etc). Worryingly it escalated and she actually hurt herself - a friend broke her arm and then X broke her ankle. We all knew it must have been deliberate due to her past behaviour.

So my advice? Nip this in the bud. Call her on it. Tell her how worrying this behaviour is. Cut her off in need be for your health but do tell her first WHY so maybe she can face her behaviour.

Cut her off. If she asks you why, just tell you.

If she keeps contacting you, block her.

Seriously.

Focus your energies on yourself right now. Hoping you get good results and all is well, but you really don't need someone like that in your life.

The people up thread who are saying to just send a generic message are right.
Stop even thinking about her. Theres nothing to think about. Shes not well, at the very least, and has a family of her own to help her.
You have more to be worried about.
No need for drama and if she tries , block ger

Her.
Hope her name is not actually Ger!

OP I am so sorry that you are going through this at a time when you have your own serious concerns. I would urge you as much as it is possible to ignore her and focus on yourself. You need all of your energy for you and your family right now, not for her and that would apply even of she was ill and certainly applies if she is not.

I wouldn't bother to reply to her in any form. If she queries that you can quite legitimately tell her, as a pp suggested, that you have too much n your plate right now.

I hope it all goes well for you and the investigations reveal nothing serious.

My sister is like this. The final straw was when she went round my uncle's house while his wife was on her deathbed (cancer) claiming that she'd been to A&E and they'd diagnosed her with cervical cancer.

I finally cut her out and life has been a lot less stressful since. I recommend you do the same.

I hope all your investigations go well @Lumpybumps1.

Delete her, and tell her why if she asks.

I’d confront in one email, then block her everywhere. Don’t give her head space.

Wishing you all the best.

I'm sorry but you will need to concentrate on your actual health, not this nonsense. Try to be as brief and keep away from her, it will really add unnecessary stress. Good luck with your own health

I bet she doesn't have much going on in her life, OP.

People who do this do it to fulfil a need that they don't know how to fill.

She'd a shit friend though,

I think I would call her out and actually say ‘I know you are lying and considering my health, I am horrified. I can’t be friends with you anymore after this’

That’s a fab idea, to ask her which ward so you can send some flowers! Please just ignore her and concentrate on your own health. I wish you well.

I think there's more to this. Can you give more details? I'd love to know both sides as well.

Numerous members of family, friends and I have had experiances in which doctors have been unable to correctly diagnose us, and have made incorrect diagnosis. She could be going through a similar situation.

Nothing wrong with her? Are you qualified to work that one out? The friend you mentioned might not be qualified to work it out either, and could just be judging by the way she appears in public. Confirmed shes perfectly healthy - how did she do that?

@advicegiver5 try the whole sepis and going home?

@advicegiver5

I know sometimes we want to give people the benefit of the doubt but there is honestly no way in hell a medical professional would mention sepsis as a possibility (even a vague one) without them being admitted immediately. Not a chance at all.

On the other side of this, I had a rare and serious problem in the past and kept having to go into hospital for it, ended up in emergency surgery, and it happened just at the time of a relatives wedding.

Still to this day some relatives think i did it deliberately and asked once another time I had to go in 'is it because of (a stressful family situation)

It was horrible to be so misunderstood and judged. It was quite rare and nearly killed me. I don't share anything else with that side of the family now and nor do I expect any support if / when it happens again.

And yes I had sepsis which came across like 'anxiety' as well.

Lol happy to provide more details, there's no more to it on my side.

During the first occasion she did it.. three of us were round there visiting and she was saying It was looking like she didn't have much time left "I probably won't be here next summer" and all of that. It was cancer. Confirmed, not beatable.

I later mentioned this to the relative of hers that I mentioned up thread, how worried I was for her, relative said it's a load of bull and to take it with a grain of salt as she has form for lying. The relative had heard not a thing about it despite her apparently being at deaths door.

Relative then tripped her up by asking basic questions about it such as which hospital she was under, what tests had been done, what the treatment plan was, who her consultant was etc. Relative got other family members involved demanding to know what on earth was going on.

Suddenly she was well again and the "doctors" made a mistake after formally diagnosing her with cancer. She went from being on her way out to being perfectly fine. Just like that.

The second time she was claiming cancer again, different place this time but the same speal as before. It's really happening this time, oh nobody will miss me etc. Dont mention it to X&Y&Z please, she doesn't want others knowing.

Again - found out to be lying. Quick 180.

Multiple people who've known her much longer than I have reiterate not to believe a word of it, she does it to the soft touches who will listen. She is a pathological liar, their words.

This is the third time I personally have had her do this to me so you can imagine how many times those who've known her longer have heard it.

3 x cancer now, oh and additional sepsis but it's ok she's been told to relax at home until tomorrow.

Her own family are low contact because of constant lies, about more than health. Everything.

I felt sorry for her and thought she was just troubled but had a kind heart, just insecure etc. I was wrong. She's appalling.

I'm sorry you were unwell Orange but this is very different, she is a known and proven liar.

Munchausens by the sounds of it

I'll focus on the sepsis for a min as I attached evidence of these claims, I'm not making it up.

So she has to go into hospital to be admitted tomorrow, for lung cancer. She doesn't know which ward or where she has to go until she gets there. She's also been told over the telephone that they believe she has sepsis, but no need to rush in as it'll all be dealt with when she gets admitted for lung cancer tomorrow

OP, I think everyone is agreed that you have to get this toxic woman out of your life. (I don't care if she is mentally ill -- she's not your responsibility and she is abusing your kindness.)

People have suggested different ways of escaping her. I would just warn against any big confrontation, which would stress you and secretly delight her. From having known a couple of people like this, I suspect she thrives on conflict, and revels in breakup/reconciliation dramas.

I would simply stop contact with her. If she asks why, I'd say something bland like "I need to prioritise my health." Don't let her turn it into an emotional drama, or manipulate you into justifying yourself. Don't react if she bursts into tears etc. Just stay unemotional and keep the conversation brief. Then after that, you're just not around or you're busy when she tries to contact you.

I very much hope the medics find nothing serious wrong with you, and that you are soon well again. But don't let her seep back into your life.

Oh yah and I'm not to call an ambulance for her sepsis to help her get assistance after the gross medical negligence of her doctor telling her it's fine to stay home, because she's got nobody to look after her flat keys.