Friend taking illness again, after being told I'm on the 2 week pathway

[Lumpybumps1]

I have a friend of several years who has form for fabricating illness, twice she has been caught out feigning cancer symptoms and fabricating appointments and diagnosises before back tracking after questions are asked and making miraculous recoveries claiming the doctors had got it wrong. I stuck by her despite having strong opinions on her behaviour because I suspect there may be an underlying MH problem, I don't know. Members of her family have caught her out before.

This week I've been referred urgently on the 2 week pathway for a scan and further investigation, In my case they are looking for lymphoma. I have a thread in health and have been receiving some fab support (thank you all)

This friend now knows about my investigations and is suddenly "being admitted into hospital" tomorrow despite there being nothing wrong with her. No mention of bad health this year until my doctor has concerns about me, now suddenly she's at deaths door again. Lung cancer this time. (Another friend who lives closer to her than I do has confirmed there's nothing wrong, perfectly healthy as usual)

I'm deeply hurt that she's doing this again, and doing it off the back of my legitimate health problems.

I want to say something but I'm not confrontational. Would you say anything?

I'm wishing I cut her off before, but it feels so personal and heartless now as she knows what I'm going through.

The hook that keeps people friends with these types is the tiny percentage of 'what if'. When people cry wolf like this, there is usually a vestige of concern for that person and the fear that possibly on this one occasion he or she is telling the truth and you want to (in that case) respond appropriately. This is why they choose this method. It is so emotive. The hook is massive and covered in guilt.

Call her bluff, turn up at her house tomorrow morning and tell her you're taking her to the hospital because she shouldn't go through it alone. Dont take no for an answer. That's what i do with billy bullshitters, make them prove it.

OP lives down south, and this woman lives up north. OP's not going to go round her house.

Anyway, OP has enough on her plate as it is.

Ooh. Whereabouts in Yorkshire ....? I happen to be on leave this week 😉
She's disgraceful isn't she, I hope you're doing ok. UnMnetty hugs to you

Maybe we could all send get well cards to your 'friend'!

Hey OP, I have looked at your other thread and I really hope everything works out for you. But you really, really need to cut contact with her. If it turns out that you do have cancer, it can be a hard road and you need to ensure that you are surrounded with as much positivity and support as possible. You have a lot on your plate with a young family as well as potential illness to manage and you have to prioritise yourself and your family.

If she doesn't escalate her behaviour (which previous experience seems to suggest that she will) she is still a negative influence at a time when you need to be held up by those around you.

Wishing you and your family the very best xxx

Maybe we could all send get well cards to your 'friend'

I imagine she'd love this.

If your friend has MH issues, blocking her won't be helpful. Have a conversation along the lines of " I have to think of my own health and I am going to take it easy for a while. I'll contact you when I feel ready" You know her so you could say it in a firm but kind way telling her you hope she has the support she needs from her own family etc.

How about “Fake Well” cards?

How about “Fake Well” cards?

I'd make and send one

Send her something Royal Mail signed for. If she lives alone and someone with her surname signs for it it’s proof that she’s at home. You even get a signature on your tracking.

Ouch, out of order really. You do you, as they say... you just need to focus on you and resist all dangling lures designed for you to bite. Ignore all those efforts and keep your eyes focused fully on yourself, you have enough to deal with.

Any update @Lumpybumps1?

How are you doing?