To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

Hermione
Sorry, must have been the way I worded things. I am a little jealous! But yeh I can imagine it must be tough going from the start. When I look after women having twins on labour ward, I always ask about their reaction when they found out - they all say they were shocked, terrified, horrified even. But that it soon changed to pure excitement. But that the pregnancy is tougher and as you say, a lot more appointments! Good luck with everything

@Windbeneathmybingowings I said that before she said it was an accidental pregnancy. I assumed she wanted a small age gap which is a choice. I would never suggest anyone terminate if they didn’t want to.

But even with a small age gap, it’s still a gap and you’re likely to be able to use things twice, eg first size car seat, sleep suits, vests, sleeping bags etc. It’s not all the double costs coming at exactly the same time!

You're assuming that all single child families can afford childcare too, OP. Most of us can't. We have to give up our jobs for a few years too.

Are you always so self indulgent as to think you're some how hard done by because you got caught out with twins? Get a fucking life.

I think if you plan to get pregnant you need to consider whether you could cope with multiplies.

Perhaps the benefit of twins is that once they are out of nursery etc that’s it, but someone with two singles has to pay for childcare for longer?

You could move to Ireland. Mothers with twins get x3 child benefit. There was a bonus payment at birth and five (I think) but not sure if that was scrapped. Mind you moving country is a bit drastic for an extra payment 😁!

Twin mums I know tend to opt for a nanny over creche due to costs. That's where both parents stay on work of course.

Absolutely NOT comparable to having a disabled child and the pittance that parents get as carer’s pay.

Mine are 16m apart and I’ve had to buy very little for the youngest bar nappies and milk. They will soon level out in size though (youngest is a much bigger person for her age) then I guess we’ll be doing some double clothes buying.

I though you only got 1 lot of CHB for twins?

Ah no, you get the same as two singletons

It might be more expensive but it’s a cosy the parents should bear.

To use disability as a comparison is hugely off.

I get where you are coming from OP (bar comparing having twins to having disabled children which is not the same) and that it can be more expensive as you can't use 'hand me down' items so have to buy two of everything like car seats etc, but I'm not convinced it's a government issue that you should receive extra child benefit etc for. I could maybe agree to some slightly extended maternity leave though as in likelihood most women pregnant with twins are likely to need to finish work earlier.

I’m a mum of twins too and I agree that having twins is treated as having two children by design rather than that it happened as pure chance. To answer those who have asked, with child benefits etc. Twin one gets full rate and twin 2 gets a reduced rate as per usual sibling situations, if a family then chooses to have a third baby (second pregnancy) that child isn’t entitled to anything.

I would say the upfront costs are quite a lot and there was no way we could have afforded child care for both so I’m a SAHM now (my earning potential was lower than DH’s when we found out it was twins!) and we are just over the earning threshold for free nursery hours before they turn 3.

But that being said, I think there are a lot of parents in difficult situations who don’t have the breadth of their circumstances recognised or understood, so I don’t think we’re any worse off as parents of twins, we just have to deal with something different to others.

I completely agree.

I know it's slightly different if you get twins as your 'first' but for us, having one (with additional needs) banking on a No 2 and getting a No 2&3 it has financially shafted us. We didn't plan for three children. So the biggest single expense is the entire raising of an additional child (believe the figures for that are well over £200,000).

But then there are actual practical costs that you do incur with twins which you don't with singletons (mine are now teen and pre-teen):

• You need two of pretty much everything - all the way through. No passed down wellies, sports kits, uniforms, not just baby stuff...
• We needed a new flipping car! We couldn't fit three car seats across the back of our old one.
• It was financially not feasible for me to return to work until the twins were at school. Even now, with no family nearby, I struggle with holiday childcare costs.
• Twins are often prem and that brings difficulties. The additional health and travel costs of both twins in their first year, and DT2 in her second year, hit hard - as did the practicalities. Even now, the effects of being prem are still notable for our DT2. We choose to do it to try and 'level the playing field' but we now pay each week for DT2 to have one-to-one tutoring.

I am dreading their upcoming residentials. I have to find double the cash in one hit. Then, having already seen the costs involved, I'll have to kit two out in one hit for secondary in terms of uniform and sports kit.

Don't even get me started on my fears about affording higher education for them!

Then there are some notably hard to quantify costs. For example - my pregancy with the DTs led to a disability in me. Managing that disability with twins (who really are double trouble because they egg each other on) is, frankly, a nightmare. That leads to extra costs such as childcare whereas just one twin and their brother would behave better allowing me to take them with me to appointments.

In the midst of my three are two with additional needs. My eldest is autistic. One twin was greatly affected by twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome and prematurity. These bring even more costs yet only one is deemed by the DWP to be entitled to DLA.

Let's not think about the size of our tiny house being too small... or holidays with 5...

I love all three dearly but I never would have chosen to have three - financially, physically or mentally.

But, the reality is that those with singletons won't get it. There are too many factors and nuances so we just come across as moaning! I don't moan about it even slightly in real life - it is what it is - we love them, we'll always do our best for them, but yes we are considerably financially worse off.

I think extended maternity and paternity leave is a good idea for multiple parents. Twins have a much higher rate of being premature and other complications. My own twins were in Special Care for 3 weeks. So it was a choice of my (now) ex using up his paternity leave then or waiting until they came home. I had a c section (again a higher chance with twin pregnancies) and couldn’t drive myself to the hospital while my babies were in Special Care. So I needed him to take me to the hospital daily to see them. But obviously I also wanted help once the babies came home as well. It was stressful worrying about that on top of everything else going on.

I had to leave work for 4 years due to £2k a month childcare costs.

A mother of twins gets one maternity leave. So will have 2+ years of paying full-time childcare for two.

I do accept this point. Although the cost per child will be the same eventually. I could not use hand me downs because unbelievably the kids are the same size, one is enormous. The car seats, I actually had two anyway for me and my mums car so while I didn’t pay out all at the same time, I did pay out x2. I was not paid for my second round of mat leave as I had already left the job.

I did not continue bf once I became pregnant because of pain and of course I could do it once baby was born, so I did pay out for milk for two of them. I do understand it is hard on an emotional level but financially the cost per child is the same, surely. Residentials, you pay per child. Not that they have them in reception.

I always planned to have another baby eventually, so I didn’t terminate so in that sense it was my choice. But I can see that it is also a choice to continue any pregnancy which may be difficult, twins included.

I do however get a 50p discount at baby group so there is a silver lining

Also, I've forgotten the exact figures, but DH and I worked out at the time that we spent nearly £500 in train fares during my DT pregancy because we had to travel each week at least once to specialist appointments in London because the DTs had Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome...

I was in a wheelchair (caused by the pregnancy)

That was a truly joyous time...

I'm not sure why it's not possible to use hand me down clothes with o lot a year gap, surely your 1 year old isn't in newborn sized clothes anymore or 0-3 babygros?

I have 2 with a 2 year gap, I barely had to buy anything for the second as most of his clothes were from my dd, he's in the same snuz pod that she used and when he needs to go into a cot she'll be in a bed, he can use her baby car seat etc.

I know there are something's that I will need 2 of, but a lot can be reused.

I cannot believe you compared having twins to having a disabled child and have so many agreeing with this! Fucking hell. No wonder disabled rights are getting a bashing now, so many entitled people who truly believe their decision to reproduce is the same as hardship caused by disability. 'Waaa, I had to leave work due to childcare costs!' Try finding childcare at all, ever, for a disabled child. You have two healthy children and find something to complain about and feel hard done by. Wow.

There are many, many things that make children depending on individual circumstances, not just twins and that isn’t the government’s responsibility. The same with the feasibility of going back to work. Multiple pregnancy is a known risk of trying to have a baby. There are no guarantees that life works out as you plan it to, but with our finite resources extra funding should be given for maternity leave where there is an extended stay in NNU or to families of children with disabilities who have so much more to deal with than not having hand me downs or having to take a few extra years away from work. YABU.

@HighwayCat finite resource?

No the government has chosen not to invest in early years childcare and education because it isn't a big enough vote winner. The government decided it was better to spend money on bailing out the banks and propping up businesses with tax credits/universal credit rather than forcing them to pay a proper living wage.

I have a 2yr age gap. Babies born in different seasons so needed to update the maternity wardrobe from summer (by the time it got to -8oC I was too huge and hot to wear much and pretty much housebound anyway) to get me through a full winter. Baby clothes weren't always the right season so extras were bought. DS2 is bigger for his age and the same shoe size as DS1. School unform is communal as they are so close in size. I'd have to buy different school shoes anyway as they're trashed and not fit to pass on, but it's a pain having to buy duplicate things like walking boots and crocs that are used more occasionally. They both swim, scouting, same martial arts class so a lot of costs are in duplicate, but they are a lifestyle choice.

My body found pregnancy tough and it was incompatible with being a casual supply teacher. I lost a steady casual position from fainting in class at 8wks pg. I then did get a p/t position for a term. Then by the time the summer holidays finished, I was firmly in the grips of SPD and unable to work in the 3rd tri. Second time, I became pregnant early in the summer, hit the second trimester in the autumn when demand was low and my name hadn't been around for a long time (job in between babies was direct, not through my agency) and nothing came in again. Third tri, I was too incapacitated to work again. I fortunately had just the right number of weeks to meet my qualifying period for a second round of Mat Allowence. My first pregnancy in particular did a marvellous impression of a twin pregnancy, I couldn't even get behind a steering wheel to drive for the last month. One pregnancy would have been better than two, particularly after getting birth injuries at both ends from the effort to get DS1 out before the EMCS

I didn't have to duplicate much equipment. I did have to buy extra cloth nappies to get through a year of two in nappies. Costs like car seats were staggered.

Single sex siblings are probably cheaper than mixed sex as it is easier to hand down. Older children wear out clothes more so they are less fit to pass on. They also develop different tastes. DS2 tends to get t-shirts, but needs new trousers and likes different styles, so half his wardrobe is new to him.

Different families will find different circumstances. There is more of an issue of costs being duplicated in the early years of twins. I'd buy an argument for longer SMP for a twin pregnancy due to higher risks risking early leave or prematurity and higher investment in equipping for a baby, and also harder to plan ahead for the circumstances of having twins.

I really don't envy double toddlers though, although I hit a good overlap in tantrumer vs bolter for a while.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

Phew, lucky you said that or people would obviously have thought you didn't love your own children!

I’m not being goady, but I’d like to know the financial difference between that and twins.

One difference is between going from one to three, rather than one to two!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz It was a joke. Sorry if I caused any offence.

I've met many families with disabled twins - so count your blessings OP