To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities

Please dont be an utter twat and compare twins to children with disabilities. Yes the government should provide assistance for children with disabilities and not for your twins.

At any rate it’s not a matter for the government, they really aren’t responsible for your reproductive choices.

You generally don’t get to choose twins. No one is expecting the government to pay for everything but making childcare more affordable surely results in a more productive workforce which benefits everyone.

OP I get you, I really do. I have twins myself.

No-one with 2 x singletons will ever understand us when we say that twins are more expensive than 2 x singletons. Don't bother trying to make them.

It’s the same problem if you have 2 kids with a short age difference - my bf has 7 months between her two (again, like you, not her fault as it was a contraceptive failure - condoms and the pill). At least with twins you have the benefit of them hitting milestones together but with a sub-1 year age gap you need to work harder to ensure both get support.

you have one career break and not two so it probably evens out as you can get back to work and start earning and increasing your income without having another career break later except lots of twin parents struggle to afford 2x childcare for 3 years simultaneously and so don't take just maternity leave, but actially quit. Unless they have a LOT of family support.

I had to quit when DS was born as he has come needs. Figures we'd have DC2 and once they were 1 I'd only be paying their childcare and wrap around for older so it would be doable. I can't imagine what we'd need to afford as a family now to put two in full toem chodl care and one in wrap around

From a Govt view, my understanding is if your twins are DC2 and 3, then you get the tax credits for both twisn, not just one despite the 2 child cut off so there is some support.

@PinkyU I dint think op meant it as having twins is like having 1 disabled child, given she also commented on single babies too. I think it was just clunky wording

This hasn’t occurred to me before.

What additional help do you think the government should give?

@PinkyU i'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to offend.

No-one with 2 x singletons will ever understand us when we say that twins are more expensive than 2 x singletons. Don't bother trying to make them.

Irish twins are expensive too, I get it 😂

I’ve no idea what the support is like, but my understanding was that TAMBA (now TwinsTrust) can provide some financial support to parents of multiple birth children in hardship, might be worth a look?

I get your point OP, but there are some upsides too of multiple births - at least if you were going to have more than one child long term. Although some of that will be offset by no hand me downs, unless you’ve got one big twin and one little one - which I have seen

I agree having twins must be harder on many levels- however I would say there are plenty of situations where financially people are under strain and they don't qualify for any/enough government help.

Equally you could say you need only go through 1 pregnancy, take 1 period off work, as opposed to someone with 2 children who need take two blocks of non-earning time from work.

Benefits
You only get 1 let of maternity - so you only lose you salary once
You do still get child benefit for 2 children

Drawbacks
You have to pay for 2 lots of clothes/equipment as you can't do hand-me-downs
Expenses occur in blips, eg 2 x nursery fees (though some places give sibling discounts)

Neutral
For longer term, foreseeable expenses you just have to be a bit more organised on saving/paying for them. e.g. y6 trips, secondary trips. Just 'pretend' one child is a couple of years older than they really are, and put money aside.

So financially until in school I think there is a short term hit (especially as you won't have saved for twins), but this is partly balanced by only needing one lot of maternity leave.

So the only difference I can see is no hand-me-down clothes/equipment & a double buggy.

On balance I think YABU.

Maternity leave is for the mother to recuperate and care for her baby for its first year, to BF (if she wishes to) uninterrupted by a work schedule, to bond with the baby. That’s why it ends when cows milk is introduced. Are you suggesting getting two years?

@JPharm

I’m not doubting you - just interested, what kind of things are more expensive in the longer term with twins vs two singles?

Ah, now i ask the question I’m seeing it. Two cots, two Moses, double pushchairs, no hand me downs.

Never occurred to me, but you’re right.

Honestly in the bigger scheme of things it’s not that big a deal. Especially as nowadays you can have a year on maternity leave, then a lot of free hours once the children turn 3. So theoretically you’re only paying childcare costs in full for two years. We had 3 children (no twins but had 3 pre schoolers at one point) and this was back when there was 3 months maternity leave and no free hours, so parents would often be paying in full for almost 5 years.
Overall I can’t see how things are so much harder with twins, given that many parents will have more than one child in childcare (and later on more than one at university!) simultaneously.

I can kind of see your post OP but you have absolutely no idea what it's like bringing up a severely disabled child. So please don't compare. And don't begrudge us our DLA/carers allowance. We'd gladly give it to you you know. In exchange for your healthy, likely to be living twins.

I’d suggest many different combinations can cause hardship. Different family types. And it’s a tough deal for many, but there are too many individual factors to make a blanket rule or statement about who ‘has it harder’. Some pregnancies are planned, some are not, some get maternity leave, some do not, some get maternity benefits and or child benefits, some do not. I’ve only received maternity pay or benefits for one pregnancy - but I have two children, and I’ve had five pregnancies.

One maternity leave has the potential to be less damaging to a career than two or more in quick succession.
Taking several maternity leave periods is costly in itself.
Multiples are not the only reason a family needs to pay two lots of childcare at once.

I don't see that its significantly different to having a small gap (under 18 months or so).

*point

I would be in real trouble financially if I had twins. I wouldn't be able to afford the childcare either.

However - you have the expense of only one mat leave, and you get two babies, so in the long run that bit at least is efficient. I agree it doesn't make up for the subsequent two years of no work (til they get 30h funding) though!

I am shortly to have twins plus a 3 year old and the extra costs are eye watering! Can’t reuse a lot of stuff so new double pram needed. Extra car seat and in fact new car as you can’t fit 3 car seats in most cars. Childcare when I go back to work will be hideous as you don’t get the second place for free do you! Two of everything needed - an extra bouncy chair, 2 cots etc, the list goes on! If they’d been one baby then I’d have already had nearly everything! Double the cost of sensory classes/swimming etc. I can’t even contemplate the idea of going on holiday etc!

But it is what it is. Feels like an extra kick with the financial aspect though.

Certainly wouldn’t want to compare to having a disabled child though - can’t imagine how difficult this must be x

@FriedasCarLoad ido wonder if there should be entitlement to a longer mat leave, so if it's normally 4 months full pay, 2 months half and 3 months statutory , then 6 months full pay, 3 half and 4.5 statutory for example

OP I am so glad you have apologised to Pinky,

Anyway, putting aside your comments about disabilities, I actually completely agree.It is hard with school trips aswell as everything is doubled. Having twins is definitely more expensive than having two singleton babies, there's no doubt about that. You need double of everything rather than being able to benefit from 'hand me downs'. Childcare would be impossible to afford for most people.

I don't really know what the answer is. Everyone that I know with twins say it gets easier as time goes on, hopefully it will for you too.

Btw our age gaps meant 2 cots, 2 car seats, 2 High chairs, same size clothes simultaneously... we borrowed masses and bought second hand where we could. No way would we have bought 2 of everything new. Also when children are very young and growing fast, hand me downs only work for a lot of stuff if their birth season coincides. Our first was sept born and the winter clothes and snow suit she needed would have been hopeless for our next baby (early spring) as he was enormous by winter

I have a year apart. I had two cots, two car seats, double buggy, two childcare costs to pay, I can’t use hand me down clothes, I took 2 years off work, double the milk etc.

I’m not being goady, but I’d like to know the financial difference between that and twins.

I definitely agree that it’s financially harder
Mine are only 6 weeks at the moment and I agree that nappies/wipes etc for 2 cost the same if at the same time or spaced out, but I need twice as many sets of clothes whereas I’d be able to use hand-me-downs for a second child. Things like bouncy chairs, slings, car seats, isofix etc I’ve had to buy 2 of. We had to get a bigger car, a single pram and one car seat would have fit into our small car. I would have been able to breastfeed just one but with 2 I’m expressing so my partner can share feeding so bottles, breast pump and steriliser I may not have needed with just one.

My other half is going to be a stay at home dad as the cost of child care for 2 at once makes him returning to work not financially viable til they’re older, and I’m taking more of my unpaid mat leave than I would with one as I want them to be a bit bigger before he’s left to cope alone with 2 babies whilst I go back to work.

As others have said, no scope of hand-me-downs for school uniforms, everything from residential trips to uni will happen at the same time rather than being spaced out

Twins are also more at risk of preterm birth so more likely to need hospital admission in the first yr of life

My twins were ivf and I chose to have 2 embryos transferred, I’m lucky to be in a well paid job with a partner who was happy to stay at home with them to avoid childcare costs, but the financial implications were definitely something I considered and we worked out how we would manage before we made that decision.