To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

i can see both sides here, there are twins in my family and we have 2, 13 months apart. The upfront costs with twins are more initially, as I had two the same sex born in the same season, I was able to re-use clothes for the first year or two which you can't really do with twins. However, i quite quickly wasn't as they both took the same size from about age 3 but one was broader than the other, so that was that, from then we were more or less in a twin scenario. Equally though there was an advantage to them starting school so quickly after each other as DH was able to go back to work. Having two in Uni at the same time is the most expensive to be honest. Eldest is doing 5 years and younger 4 years so we are supporting two for 4 years at the same time.

sorry, while I have sympathy for how hard ot is to have 2 babies, it really isn't twice as expensive.

Compare a family with a 2 year old ds and new baby dd.
You can pass down Moses basket, but maybe not cot. Some newborn clothes etc can pass down, but after that it is not cheaper.

Most clothes fomr a ds don't pass down to a dd.
Even if you have same sex kids, if one is a summer baby and one a winter, many things cannot be passed down.

We borrowed a Moses basket, got tons of hand me down baby clothes and a secondhand cot. Cost was very low.

toddler and baby both need childcare and once they get to school age you still ahve to do wrap round care whether they are same year group or not.

The minimal extra costs in first year are higher, but after that it is the same.

I think extended maternity and paternity leave is a good idea for multiple parents. Twins have a much higher rate of being premature and other complications. My own twins were in Special Care for 3 weeks. So it was a choice of my (now) ex using up his paternity leave then or waiting until they came home. I had a c section (again a higher chance with twin pregnancies) and couldn’t drive myself to the hospital while my babies were in Special Care. So I needed him to take me to the hospital daily to see them.

Surely that should apply to anyone who has a child in NICU though? When dc1 was an inmate there were 2 sets of triplets and the rest were singletons. One woman had been there nearly a 100 days with her single child when we were discharged whereas my friend who had twins, had one twin stay 3 nights in NICU and the other not need it. If only one of those two could get longer maternity leave, it wouldn't be the twin mum I gave it to.

I agree with other posters in that whilst you have more expense at once you can go back to work sooner. I guess it all works out in the end.

I know someone with triplets, all three went to university at the same time and away from home. Now that did get my sympathy.

You don’t need as many clothes for twins as two singletons. So it’s not quite as expensive as some assume. The comparison with the government providing DLA as a token amount towards the colossal cost of raising a disabled child is beyond ignorant.

Here in Ireland twin parents get 3 payments of child benefit for the 2 children.

@ColaFreezePop yes, finite resource. It’s not unlimited, is it. Regardless of how public money has been spent there are many, many more things that are worth investing in rather than financial help for someone who has two healthy babies and has been able to stay at home in the early years even if that wouldn’t have been her first choice.

Most clothes fomr a ds don't pass down to a dd.

As infants why not? My dd wears her big brothers hand me downs (she's 17 months). She does have clothes of her own too but she's worn plenty of his. Things like Christmas jumpers, trousers, t-shirts with dinosaurs on, socks work just as well on a girl as a boy.

I would be less keen to do it the other way around, especially since most of the clothes dd has been given are pink with unicorns on... but from boy to girl works okay until they are old enough to start expressing their own opinion I feel. I wore my boy cousins cast offs because they were so much practical and didn't show the dirt.

As a parent to 4, inc twins and 2 send children, a lot of issues ime come from people wanting the perfect show home, or instagram if you like, life.

I did give up work after the twins were born as the childcare bill was more than my annual wage. Plus we would need wraparound care for our then school age child and make plans for the dc to be looked after in the event of illness. We chose to protect the higher earners wage.

We've made a lot of sacrifices elsewhere in order to give our children a good quality of life. They don't have everything they demand and we've got good at bargain hunting.

A lot of the costs are, as pp have said, front loaded, especially if you have twins first.

But you do get quite brazen about asking if there's a discount for multiples.

OP, you seem to have developed a very myopic view of things. 2 babies cost more than one. Being disabled costs more. Having a mental health condition can reduce your work potential and therefore 'cost' more, getting cancer or other debilitating disease can cost you more, being clumsy and breaking a lot of your stuff means you have higher costs, having dc that grow young and are therefore in adult footwear at a very young age is costly, having a facial disfigurement that requires specialist makeup costs extra money...WHAT IS YOUR POINT???? People have different expenses. Many of those expenses are not things they planned for or would wish for. Why are you obsessing over the government or society not taking your little situation into account? Odd, just super odd.

Again, having a disabled child is not the same as having twins

Completely Agree.
To clarify any reference Ive made to disabled children is the concept of choice- I do not agree that its fair to say to people if you cant afford twins abort them.
In THAT argument i was pointing out the CONCEPT of CHOICE is the same if you were to find out early in pregnancy your child would be disabled. The choice is not the same, the concept of choice is the same. I wouldnt say you any person just abort your baby once pregnant, life isnt black and white.

Yes it is more expensive. You need two cots and mattresses and car seats rather than being able to keep and reuse them for a second child. A double buggy etc. And childcare costs when they are first in nursery would be crippling to a lot of people.

But also only one maternity leave needed so savings are made on loss of earnings and also career probably isn't as damaged.

I had my babies 10 months apart. I would venture my experience was harder than twins because I had a new born and an older baby who was had different needs. Twins is twice the work, but the same kinds of work. Point stands for people with newborns and 2 year olds. Double the work and two kinds of work i.e. night feeds and the terrifying "no fear" stage that comes with toddlers. So yes, YABU. Your life isn't the hardest it could be and you don't win any medals. Also, comparing to disabled children is just silly.

You chose to reproduce.

You want expensive. 2 children and me having to be dairy free.

£1.50 per bottle of milk. One bottle of milk a day gone at least. And then there's the food!

Where does the subsidies stop?

I think when you choose to become pregnant (or choose to keep an unplanned pregnancy) you just have to accept that things might not turn out quite how (or even remotely similar to) you expected or planned for.

I was actually hoping for twins (there's a family history of them) when I chose to carry on with my pregnancy. I ended up up with a single disabled child. Career went out the window as I had to quit work to care for her and 20 years later I'm still here, still caring for her and that's unlikely to ever change. Honestly would have been both easier and cheaper to raise quadruplets, rofl.

Maybe things like child benefit and tax credits should take more account of it being harder to raise twins than a single child. Maybe if a different party come to power it might actually happen. The bloody tories are more likely to start taxing you double for daring to have two or something IMO

@JPharm...Erm....Irish twins? Really? Think you might want to rethink your use of that phrase.

We didn't plan for two babies

Well, I have to say, what terrible customer service. Since you only ordered ONE healthy baby, it's outrageous that instead you received TWO. I'd complain to head office if I was you.

It would obviously be ridiculous to expect you to just deal with that situation - the government should definitely give you extra money to assist you, since this was something you didn't plan for. The nerve! Two babies when you only ordered one - I'm fuming on your behalf, OP.

OP, you seem to have developed a very myopic view of things. 2 babies cost more than one. Being disabled costs more. Having a mental health condition can reduce your work potential and therefore 'cost' more, getting cancer or other debilitating disease can cost you more, being clumsy and breaking a lot of your stuff means you have higher costs, having dc that grow young and are therefore in adult footwear at a very young age is costly, having a facial disfigurement that requires specialist makeup costs extra money...WHAT IS YOUR POINT???? People have different expenses. Many of those expenses are not things they planned for or would wish for. Why are you obsessing over the government or society not taking your little situation into account? Odd, just super odd.

Was trying to think how to express this idea but GoodGriefSunshine has done it for me.

You are being ridiculously unreasonable to compare it to the costs incurred supporting a disabled child, and the pittance you get from the government. However, of course it is more expensive, I'm not sure how people don't see that; although there are lots of circumstances which make situations unaffordable for people, so I don't think it would be fair to give additional financial support necessarily. It's a shame you aren't able to work, I would hate to be a SAHM, especially without having a choice in the matter.

I’m not expecting any financial help - which we wouldn’t be entitled to in any case - but it’s going to be a damn sight harder Financially with twins than if we’d been having a single baby

Hermione you aren’t expecting financial help but the OP appears to imply she should get some, that’s why she’s getting these reactions. You’re entitled to whinge about it being expensive all you like!

I have twins. They were my 3rd and 4th. So in terms of equipment I had to buy an extra cot, Moses basket, car seat and a double buggy. And a bigger car! Hand me down clothes were fine as they're all boys.
So apart from that it wasn't too bad - there was The sure start maternity grant at the time (they're 15 now so not sure if that's still a thing?) so that basically got spent on the buggy.

Then it was fine until they were teenagers and 2 x secondary school uniforms was hard (no supermarket cheap polo shirts, it's blazers etc here) and the school trips x 2.

I also have a disabled son which means I can't work, and am now a single parent.

In a way that means I'm lucky as they get pupil premium so some school trips are free.

And they went on scout camp but I only had to pay half the price as they applied for a hardship grant.

They're not into designer clothes and don't really ask for much in terms of Christmas/birthday presents. They are good boys!

But if I had them and not my son who was disabled I'd be able to go out to work. I don't have to take them to school, my 17 year old still has to have me take him, he can't be left at home on his own, unlike his younger brothers etc.

So we'd be better off despite there being two of them as I'd be earning a lot more than Carers Allowance pays me (£66.15 a week, woohoo, so rich!)

"The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities."

How?
I can't work because I have a profoundly disabled 14 year old. I don't think the same thing applies to those with NT 14 year old twins.

I think parents with babies in NICY should get extra maternity leave but you're being outrageous using the disability angle.

Some things are expensive but having one maternity leave is cheaper and has half of the impact on your career

I agree with you op. Almost every parent (mother) of twins i know has had to give up work, despite returning enthusiastically and being able to afford it (unusual I know) and sadly, well over 50% of them have divorced within 10 years, and the stress of twins has been a huge factor

OP, do you actually know how much you get in disability benefits for a disabled child?

And before you even get your hands on any of the cash theres a 40 odd page form that asks you to go into detail about your childs difficulties AND you have to then wait for the money- it took me almost 4 months to get anything. And unless you've got evidence for every single thing you're writing on the form you'll get bugger all. I sent in 220 pages of evidence.

And I get to do it all again in 3 years time.

I cant work because I have a disabled child- a disabled child that only does 15 hours a week (3 hours a day) in school. Because I don't work the government kindly pays me a 'wage' for caring for my child. £66.15 a week.

I could go on and on and on about how much having a disabled child really costs, but I wont. However, in every single example I can think of it goes way above and beyond what having 2 twin babies would cost.
And yes, I would quite happily hand over the 800 quid or so a month I get in disability benefits for my child if it means that just for one day it means they were like every other child and could do things like every other child can. And I could go back to work for just one day as well in a career I had to give up to care for my child then yes, I would also hand over the cash quite readily.