To think that parents of twins

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Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

Raising twns is hard but it’s all I’ve ever known, my DTs father left whilst I was pregnant (never to be seen again) and they were very prem so i did nicu for over 2 months completely alone and have raised then alone for 9 years! Thankfully their prematurity caused no developmental or physical problems but it was hard financially and emotionally.

I agree no one is disputing its hard. I have a small age gap between mine. We had to buy a double pram to go with the single we already had. We had 2 cots, 2 lots of childcare (both the same cost), had to buy second car seats rather than handing down.

I’m not disputing it’s hard having twins but my argument is where would it stop if extra allowances were made in terms of extra benefits and maternity leave.

Would I have qualified for this extra support for example?

I think the answer is to focus on more universal affordable childcare so that parents can return to work and Better paid parental leave for all.

The mat leave length is set at 1 pregnancy 1 birth as that's what is felt mum needs time to recover and care for 1 newborn.

I have had both singleton pregnancies and twin..both are very different.
My twin pregnancy was harder to carry and as I have said the birth nearly killed me then I had 2 not 1 newborn to manage.

Why should mat leave not be extended even just by a little given that twin plus mums are doing twice the work and twice the risk?

Unless you have had a multiple pregnancy you have zero idea of just how much it physically and mentally does you in.

As I said earlier it would be better to give mat leave on a case by case bases.

I am not disputing the difficulty either. I’m disputing that people had no choice. It’s perfectly ok to say actually I cannot financially or emotionally cope with twins, and decide not to continue. You have chosen to continue, so it was a choice.

The same stands for 2 singletons, so levying “at least you had a choice” is not correct.

But sick leave should cover the physical toll. Personally I think 12 months would allow most women to recover and be ready to return to work which is why I’ve said parental leave should be better paid so people can take the full amount. Sick leave could then be used if mothers aren’t physically ready or during pregnancy.

It’s just where would the line stop?

I have quite a lot of friends who have had exceptionally difficult pregnancies, as have I. One suffered a stroke, another now needs a kidney transplant. They had single pregnancies and whilst the physical effect of a twin pregnancy is more there could be an argument that these ladies need extra leave.

What would the minimum maternity leave be in your suggestion?

I didn’t have a choice, I could not have ended the pregnancy because of MY beliefs. I do not judge others on what they do but for me it was never an option.

Have you had a twin pregnancy dont?

If yes fair enough you faired better than me and most of the other twin plus mums I know.

If the answer is no than how can you possibly decided 12 months which is the time given to women to grow, birth and care for 1 baby is enough to grow, birth and care for 2?
You have no idea as you have never experienced it so please stop being ignorant and at least accept you have no clue what you are talking about.

That same stands for some mothers of two singletons though. So this one upping “It was your choice” from twin mothers to mothers of two singletons with a small gap is an unfair and accusatory way to address the struggles of a mother whose day to day activities may look very similar because of the difficulties involved in raising two under twos. If it can be said to a mother of two singletons, why can it not be said to a mother of twins.

I’m saying 12 months from the birth. Which is after most women (in my experience) want to return to work.

*How do you think you get identical twins? A random zygote split is exactly that, random and unpredictable, and nothing to do with previous history or ivf.

Do you honestly think I don’t know this?

Identical twins are rare. I know how they occur, thanks*

But you said in your post "I thought nobody had twins unless they run in the mother’s family or you have fertility treatment"

Which suggests you don't know how identical twins occur, as it's nothing to to with ivf or mothers family.

I personally think it would be harder financially. E.g. car seats for both parents cars would be 4 x typically quite expensive items. Especially probably to get in one go. Plus 2 lots of shoes every time (typically they will grow at a similar rate), 2 lots of nappies, 2 lots of school uniforms further on down the lane, 2 children to support at university etc

It’s something l have previously thought about. There are a lot of twins in my family 🙈!

I’m saying 12 months from the birth. Which is after most women (in my experience) want to return to work.

Oh god I did want to go back to work for the break!
However the after math of pregnancy, birth and caring for 2 newborns meant it just was not possible.

I managed to go back after 18 months part time.

As a twin mum I am not saying we have it more tough than any mother ever just that twin pregnancy, birth and 2 newborns is very different to that of the single type and it should be OK for us to say so without us getting beat down.

It's hard for those who have not been through it to understand so they just say "oh but blah blah this and so what that"
It's dismissive and makes us feel like we cannot talk about how hard and different it is without doing so only on special multiple birth forums only.

PennysPocket, you are so right it is different. Carrying two babies and all that goes along with that is so so hard. My dts slept through 12 hrs from 5 months and I was told “oh you have it so easy” erm yeah right I do.

That’s what I mean. Most mothers want to return around 9 months I’ve found. For a break and to get a bit of themselves back. If you had heavily subsidised childcare from then would you have been able to return to work sooner?

I’m not trying to beat anyone down. I understand it is tough having a twin pregnant and twin babies. My point is only that if exceptions were made for twin pregnancies that would leave the system wide open for loads of other people wanting exceptions. So universal better support would surely be helpful for all of society?

If it can be said to a mother of two singletons, why can it not be said to a mother of twins.

For a hundred reasons listed on this thread it's not the same (facepalm). Or. Have a look through the thread at my comparison to breaking one leg twice, as opposed to breaking both together.

It's literally impossible for some people to grasp this. Evidently.

For a break and to get a bit of themselves back. If you had heavily subsidised childcare from then would you have been able to return to work sooner?

No becauseof the physical and mental toll twins took from me. That is not unusual by the way speak to any multiple mum they will say it took a lot out of them.
I could afford child care it was the recovery time I needed.

My point is only that if exceptions were made for twin pregnancies that would leave the system wide open for loads of other people wanting exceptions. So universal better support would surely be helpful for all of society?

Females make up 50% of society and we grow all of the babies. Surely it is better for 50% of the population have their mat leave extended on a case by cases basis.
It cannot be that hard.

Multiple birth = extension.
Baby born ill = extension
Birth caused illness/physical damage outside the norm to mum =extension.

All easily proved by medical notes.

Normal birth no ill baby = normal mat leave.

Not read the whole thread but as a mum of twins I agree and sympathise. Our twins were my second pregnancy and we had only planned financially (and physically/mentally) for 2 children so the jump from 1 to 3 has been both financially and physically immense.
Needing space for 2 of everything meant we couldn’t always re-use equipment from our first child and the car seat issue meant we needed a new car as we couldn’t fit 3 child seats in our existing one. The other big bear of mine is that very often “family” deals are for 4 not 5.

*bug bear!

But you said in your post "I thought nobody had twins unless they run in the mother’s family or you have fertility treatment"

I meant to write I thought non-identical twins only ran in families or resulted from fertility treatment. identical twins are very rare - in the hundreds of twins I know from my local twin group, only a very small number are identical. I definitely wouldn’t have been worried about having identical twins.

Trust me, as a parent of twins myself you won’t be able to educate me how twins happens. Before I had them however I was as ignorant as the majority of people about twins. I didn’t know anyone with twins. DH kept making a joke in early pregnancy that I was having triplets because I was so ill, and even then when the scan confirmed two babies I was completely and utterly shocked.

DH kept making a joke in early pregnancy that I was having triplets because I was so ill, and even then when the scan confirmed two babies I was completely and utterly shocked.

Are you joking!!! That's exactly what mine did! I was sick with DS, but this time round, I genuinely thought I had contracted something terminal. Never known illness like it.

DH said it must be triplets! We even called them Mary, Mungo and Midge

A couple of weeks later, sat in the 12 week scan as the sonographer chuckled and asked if I had been feeling particularly ill, because, guess what, there's two in there.

We declared ourselves fate tempting dickheads over our "clever clever" triplet joke.

Basically exactly the same happened. Every time we spoke about baby related things DH would refer to the triplets.

He literally made the joke to the sonographer just before she started. I didn’t find it funny, I can tell you!

If it can be said to a mother of two singletons, why can it not be said to a mother of twins

It’s perfectly ok to say actually I cannot financially or emotionally cope with twins, and decide not to continue

Mom1 has a single child, intentionally gets pregnant again with a single child. Keeps it. It's very unusual having planned it they'd change their mind at 12 weeks and have an abortion.

Mom2 has a single child, has an unplanned pregnancy, decides to have an abortion as she didn't want two.

Mom3 gets intentionally pregnant, 12 week scan shows 2 babies. Choosing to have an abortion at that point is totally different to Mom2 who only wanted 1. Most people aren't willing to abort 2 healthy babies in the hope that they'll get pregnant again with a healthy singleton.

It's ridiculous to think it's comparable to someone with an unplanned second pregnancy

I know someone who did terminate her twins because she wasn’t in the financial position to support them. We were 20 and it was with her boyfriend that she’d had since we were 15. She had a little boy the year after and then another at 28. I guess it is a tough choice but people do make it.

They might but let's not pretend that many people abort a planned 2nd child which is healthy without a major change in circus between conception and thst first scan

Do you mean planned twins? I took winds posts to mean the choice to continue with twins or the choice to end it based on circumstances of affording two. My friend did plan the pregnancy but obviously wasn’t expecting to have twins so couldn’t go on. She was only in a studio flat at the time but her relationship was secure. IVF would of course be different because of the risk of never falling again. I suppose some people have their mental health to consider as well, their own health too, twins must be hard going.