To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

No because if you have two or more children close in age you also have to have multiple pre school years paying double, possibly more. but also you have to contend with falling further behind in your career and loss of earnings because of multiple maternity leave breaks.

@IamPickleRick you chose that though - you don’t necessarily choose twins

I didn’t, I became pregnant by accident. The choice I made to keep the baby ie not terminate is the same as the choice of a mother with twins.

you chose that though - you don’t necessarily choose twins

Not everyone choose it.

I agree that parents of disabled children have a hard time both financially and practically really.Twins are a big expense all at once ,but if you had 1 child then another child you would have 2 maternity leaves to deal with! I think over time this will even out .When they are old enough for Free Childcare you will still get 2 free places presumably?Many parents of disabled children really have to fight hard to get much help ,and this reduces over time as over 18 places are very much sought after.A friend has a Disabled DD who is over 18 ,and the School she attends does not do 52 weeks a year cover meaning she has to do shift work to fit in for her DDS care

Iam, please don't think I am judging you, but just trying to explain the difference. I left a 3 year gap between babies to give us time to save up and prepare for the cost of another child. During that time, I was on the pill and we used condoms and I tried to avoid sex when I knew it was round the time of ovulation. Having twins is out of your control, no one could plan and prepare for that. However, to a certain extent, for the majority of people, family planning is within your control.

So to me it is very different.

@scrapaja - did you not take out insurance? You must have been aware when trying for a baby that a multiple birth was a possibility? 1 in 65 births in the UK is a multiple birth.

I do understand what you are saying but we must get out of the mindset of expecting the state to support OUR life choices - and like it or not, having children is a choice

The choice I made to keep the baby ie not terminate is the same as the choice of a mother with twins I disagree!!!!
Getting pregnant by accident is not the same as planning for a baby and finding out you are having twins.

Some people DO choose to have twins though

@Usernumbers1234 I don’t have twins, was making a joke that I have Irish twins (I.e. very close age gap). It’s expensive too though so I get how those with actual twins feel.

If you have crap maternity pay at work it may be better to only go through that once and get two dc out of it.

I was breastfeeding and using protection, I still became pregnant.

Emotionally no, but financially, choosing to continue with twins with the added cost is the same as choosing to have two babies close in age with added cost. You can’t say to someone, it was your choice - without accepting that you also chose to continue a twin pregnant with all its pitfalls as well.

I’m not eligible for any benefits (regardless of how many children I had at once) due to my income but the potential of the full (or half!) pay bit of my mat leave being a bit longer for twins would be nice, as we have had to balance the cost of my partner working and putting 2 6 month olds in nursery vs him not working vs me taking a bit longer off work vs paying the mortgage!

Yes and no (and I'm a mother of twins).
Year 6 residential just been payed for would have been easier payed over more years!
Equipment both need car seats if you have another child may mean bigger car, but I managed with one cot, one moses basket however a double pushchair that accomadates two from birth is more costly.
Re tax credits (not sure about u/c) one twin is classed as over 1 from birth.
Paying two lots of childcare at once was twice my monthly mortgage payment!
School uniform can't be passed down. Although I can by a double pack of peshirts and they share etc.
Big bills seem to come in twos!
When they were little and we went out they'd share a child's meal so cheaper and less waste.
The nappy bill (don't even ask!)
10 years ago when mine were new born getting a double trolley for newborns was impossible so I ended up doing more on line shopping. I think the physical and emotional cost is hard to - harder pregnancy, more hospital visits, not able to give each newborn quality 1:1, carrying two 12 month olds unable to walk did my back after having carried two babies that were over 6lb each at the same time.
All in all its swings and roundabouts they are definitely easier to entertain than my first as they always have each other for company. They do share better than their peers because they've always had to.
Children are expensive, but don't need to be as expensive as some think.

Irish twins are expensive too, I get it

Please don't use this phrase.

Yes it’s financially harder.

No that doesn’t mean there should be government assistance.

There are lots of people whose lives are financially harder than other people’s for all sorts of reasons outside their control. We can’t afford to give financial help to everyone who’s had an unexpected expense. We prioritise those who need it most.

Ah yes “accidentally” having sex.

@CentralPerkMug we did the same - planned a 3 year gap to afford childcare etc and then having surprise twins

I’m not expecting any financial help - which we wouldn’t be entitled to in any case - but it’s going to be a damn sight harder Financially with twins than if we’d been having a single baby

You didn’t have to keep the twins if you couldn’t afford them Hermoine. You did make that choice too.

Also we get one maternity leave for two babies

...and? You’re already at home and not at work, you can’t be twice as at home 🧐

There are lots of things that make children expensive... having two singletons under 2 isn’t financially much different to having twins - it’s really not and in some ways it’s more difficult as they’re at different stages of development.

No ones saying it’s not hard - but it’s not something that the government needs to pay for or where does it stop?

@Windbeneathmybingowings right of course FFS

What would be great would be if there was extended paternity leave for people with twins or a bit of cash for e.g. a mother's help. In that first 4 months or so especially, there are often times when it's difficult to deal with two small babies at once. Even just if you had the option to show up at a children's centre at feeding time and have the expectation that someone would come out and feed or hold a baby for you.

It wasn't the childcare costs that killed us, it was the illnesses. You know how that bit when your kids go into the nursery for the first time and they pick up everything going? We had that times two, and it was just hopeless. At one point they got chickenpox and it didn't even overlap - DD1 was off first for nearly 2 weeks, then DD2 for a week. How are you supposed to work through something like that?Most of the twin parents I know managed it either with help from their own parents or else the mums didn't go back to work until the kids were in school.

chose to continue a twin pregnant with all its pitfalls as well
Do you think people with disabled children (who are told during the early scans) should suck up the cost too?

Its very callous to tell people that you suck up whatever pregnancy throws at you without complaint or tough you should have terminated.