To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

What would be great would be if there was extended paternity leave for people with twins
I'd support this

I do manage to pass down clothes though these days as one of my girls is significantly shorter than the other!

Again, having a disabled child is not the same as having twins when you cannot afford to do so and expecting the gov to top up your income, whilst moaning that other people made a choice. So did you.

Iam, you had two back to back maternity leaves, you say you took two years. Therefore you will only have a year of having to pay full-time childcare for two babies, at the same time.

A mother of twins gets one maternity leave. So will have 2+ years of paying full-time childcare for two.

Your children are unlikely to be in the same year at school. So you won't have double to pay for in school residential trips. You can spread the cost over two years.

I don't understand why you cannot use 'hand me downs'. Presumably you are saying your babies wear the same size clothing? This seems strange, especially when your younger baby was a newborn.

You were breastfeeding, great! BF rates are much lower in multiples because it is exceedingly difficult to manage, much much harder than singleton babies. I wouldn't fancy paying for formula for twins, would you?

There's loads of reasons why it is different, but it tends to be the case that people can only see their own issues.

I do sympathise, I wouldn't have liked to have such a small age gap, hence us going to extremes to prevent it. I actually did want twins though! A throw back to my love of sweet valley twins I think

Its very callous to tell people that you suck up whatever pregnancy throws at you without complaint or tough you should have terminated.

Is that not what Hermoine said to Iam? Why does this only work one way?

I have twins and I agree OP that they are more expensive than singletons (even ones reasonably close in age, which I can say from direct experience because we also have a third who is two years younger than her sisters). I had to quit my job. Cash flow is harder as costs like nursery fees and school fees come all at once. The no-hand-me-downs is especially expensive; it’s not just clothes there, it’s things like bedroom furniture, high chairs, pushchairs, car seats, school supplies, violins, bicycles, sports @equipment, toys, etc. All of those kinds of things can be (and usually are) passed down. I have so many useless duplicates of things, and believe me, the duplicates get more expensive as they get older and get involved in hobbies and extracurriculars.

Having said all that, I definitely don’t think it’s comparable to the struggles a family with disabled kids has. That’s a whole other league of difficult.

@PinkyU, sorry about your situation . You said you’ve got zero pension contributions - you should be getting NI credits if you claim CB and/or UC, and if you were a SAHM before 2010 you can still ask for your HRP to be made up for any missing years. You can also pay into a pension even if you don’t work.

Op what is it you're trying to say by government recognition, do you mean more benefits?

As others have said, arguably anyone with two kids close in age has many of the same issues, and arguably many of them also fundamentally didn't have a choice there..ie due to religious beliefs etc.

Hermione, despite my planning of a three year gap - I was a tiny bit disappointed it wasn't twins. I think twins are incredibly special. I am not undermining how hard it must be, but I do genuinely believe twins are a blessing. And as a midwife, I am well aware of the challenges!

I have a year apart. I had two cots, two car seats, double buggy, two childcare costs to pay, I can’t use hand me down clothes, I took 2 years off work, double the milk etc.
Well I'd have used the same moses basket / crib for one then another. Then I'd have brought the cots a year apart so same cost but cash flow. Potentially buying sine pram then needing to get double is more expensive. Childcare costs - 6 months off with first, back to work for 6 months with childcare then 6 months mat leave with no childcare then free hours kick in a year earlier. With twins you're theoretically back at 6 months and no staggering of free hours. Basics of clothes, Vests, babygrows etc can be passed down regardless of season or sex. Then school trips paid at same time.

@Windbeneathmybingowings I didn’t say anything of the sort!

Clearly you’re just trying to be goady

What do you expect the government to do? You want 2 maternity leaves? So potentially 2 years off? Your twins aren't developing any slower than other children.

Yabvvvu, when you get pregnant there is always a chance of multiple babies being born.
I think this might be one of the most ridiculous things I've read on MN. Completely agree with PinkyU.

A throw back to my love of sweet valley twins I think blush

I'm so with you there.

Is that not what Hermoine said to Iam? Why does this only work one way?

It is pretty much what she said to Iam.

I don;t have twins but I can see your point. Seems an extended maternity pay scheme would be fair.. Carrying twins is a harder pregnancy (at a population level NOT on an individual level) and MUCH harder work afterwards. At least 100% harder.

Extended paternity leave would be amazing - I’m so lucky to have their dad at home with us (we don’t have any family support close by, his parents have seen the babies once and mine went abroad for 5 weeks when the babies were 3 weeks old, have some lovely friends who have done a couple of night shifts for us but otherwise it’s just us) - I cant imagine how I would cope without him

@CentralPerkMug ah I thought you had twins too!

It’s definitely exciting but also overwhelming as the idea of having two newborns at once is terrifying!

This pregnancy has been no joke either. Horribly sick for most of it and then ailments after ailments! Totally different than my first pregnancy and much harder to manage with a toddler in tow! I’m very lucky to have an understanding work place as the amount of appointments for twins is insane!

Why does this only work one way? I guess because if you literally didnt plan a pregnancy it should (not always) be easier to decide to terminate, whereas if you have planned a pregnancy it may be harder to decide to terminate if you find out it's twins.

Also, people who have a short gap inbetween presumably make that choice to have another. Noone plans for twins.

You did, you said “you chose it”. Why is that response not also applicable to someone with twins? It’s harsh in both instances to say it, so let’s not pretend I am callous and heartless to suggest it when you also did. No one has to continue a pregnancy they don’t want to, we all make that choice.

I think you are completely understandable to compare the 'hardship' of twins to the hardship of bringing up a disabled child.

you get maternity once because you are only off once not twice.

Provided your DC are healthy, you can works access an education for your children, you will have access to childcare for your children. It's very different having a severely disabled child which cannot access school or childcare and you can work and earn a living instead relying on the pennies the government gives you in recognition of the hardship that comes with raising a disabled child.

what an insensitive post!

I was also very lucky that my work allowed me to drop the physical part of my role reasonably early and make up my hours doing office work (and working from home during the last week pre mat leave!) - if I had a less sympathetic workplace I would have had to start my mat leave much sooner - I could have had a complicated singleton pregnancy too but more likely with twins and by the end I was physically bigger than I would have been with one so less capable!

I have twins in Y6. There’s a residential costing a reasonable £170 - but that’s double of course. Double school shoes. Double of everything, at the same time.

I did get a double maternity grant so that was £1000 - that was fantastic. But to be honest, the baby part wasn’t that expensive. Our pram was a gift, most clothes were too. I think mum contributed to car seats so it was basically used for living expenses.

I also left work at around 30 weeks pregnant because I just couldn’t cope anymore. I was regularly passing out, I was nauseous all the time and had been hospitalised at least twice by the time I gave birth at 36 weeks.

Then I went back to work and they got every bug going - twins with chicken pox is not fun!

Twins are more expensive than singles in the early years.
Mine are now in secondary school and I think the costs are the same as singles by this point.

I agree. I used to nanny twins and was always surprised how much everything cost when there's two. Lots of their baby classes did a sibling discount but it was still more upfront.

I don't have twins, but a friend does and I also work with babies and children and chat to twin parents/carers a lot and completely agree. My viewpoint is I have 2 kids with a small age gap which financially is hard enough, so honestly I don't know how twin's families go on having to bear the costs of everything at the same time.

Do you get double child benefit, or does the second twin count as second child and get the reduced amount? My friend said Clarks do 50% off a second pair of shoes which was helpful for her, but that's only 1 shop for 1 item each and that's if you can afford their shoes anyway!