To think that parents of twins

[scrapaja]

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

No, I was quoting Contraception’s post, which you were tagged in - I was just backing you up

I have twins in my family and was very scared our second baby was going to be twins. It would have been hard in lots of ways. Ultimately though, this thread shouldn’t be a competition as to who has it harder. My ideal would be for more disabled children to get better support. And access to home support for people with greater need (such as those with multiples) and interest free loans for childcare for those who would benefit from spreading the cost.

This thread is going the same way as the countless lone parent threads where LP’s insist their lives are harder and co-habiting parents can’t possibly have it as hard or understand the challenges.

Situations are unique to all of us. No one group as an entire class can say their challenges are more than another. Twins, lone parents, may be harder than the co-parenting or single child future you’d envisioned, or it may be better. You’ll never know as you don’t have a comparison for your own situation.

Interest free parenting loans make sense to me though. Pay it back through your tax code.

@PinkyU 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@JPharm can you explain why it's funny please if it's a joke?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz It was a joke. Sorry if I caused any offence.

@scrapaja comparing the cost of twins with having children with disabilities, I don't know where to start but luckily a few people have commented.

@ASandwichNamedKevin I assumed it was a term of endearment as I’d seen the phrase used freely on a parenting group on FB and recently joked about by a guest on Radio 2 who was from a large family. Never occurred to me it was offensive until someone pointed it out on here. Hence the apology, I’ve requested it be deleted now.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 is a Dr Seuss thing

I can't see this Thing 1 and Thing 2 comment...is this not acceptable to say in reference to twins?

Mine are referred to by allsorts of things in a light hearted way, that are a pair. Including:

Bert and Ernie
Ping and Pong
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Phil and Grant
Stop it and Tidy Up
Mary Kate and Ashley
Ronnie and Reggie
Bish and Bosh

It's just referring to a pair, not insinuating they're East End gangsters, or a couple of Muppets

Dr Seuss is fine but some people under a lot of stress and depending on the context of how words are used might not like it.

in fact doctors refer to twin 1 and twin 2 when you are pregnant - 1 being the one likely to come first eg if its head is down and it is wanting to have first dibs at emerging.

I don't like the term.
Or when others use 'The twins'

When they were younger, nicknames were used by others lots - and now they're nearly 14 we all cringe when we hear "the twins"....

Wow... hadn't even occurred to me to think of Thing 1 and Thing 2 as remotely off. I'd literally just see it as another coupling, no different to Ben and Jerry.

It is a bit strange when the doctors refer to them as Twin 1 and Twin 2 though, as mine can be distinguished by one being a boy and one being a girl. I know it's acknowledging which is likely to be delivered first, so that's what they are referred to medically. I guess me finding that strange is no different to someone else not liking Bert and Ernie.

The adult twins I know, all hated being referred to as "the twins" though, that's a unanimous piece of advice when I've asked if there's anything they would want to tell me about raising twins.

When they were younger, nicknames were used by others lots - and now they're nearly 14 we all cringe when we hear "the twins"....

That's just a teensy bit delicate, don't you think?

OP, do you actually know how much you get in disability benefits for a disabled child?

No-one can know, without knowing the ins and outs of the household finances, because of the various means-tested additions that depend on the rate of DLA awarded, and whether it's UC or legacy benefits.

*One of the first things other twin mums said to me, is you won't believe the ignorance, and refusal to accept, by women who've had two singletons, that you've got it any harder because it's twins.

The ignorance is staggering.*

I used to work with a guy who was a father to twin babies. It was the days before paternity leave was a thing, and he could only take 2 weeks annual leave.

When he came back to work, he looked shell-shocked and he was permanently knackered. He told me that the babies never slept at the same time and that when one dropped off, the other woke up. This went on until they were 4 months old.

I felt sorry enough for him, but I couldn't imagine what his poor wife went through. The poor woman must have been shattered.

My twins don't mind being called the twins. They are so different looking (non identical boys) - one blonde, one brown hair, one stick thin the other not, and very different personalities that even when they were in a crech as toddlers people would not even konw they were brothers so they have never really had a differentiation issue. They were in separate classes at school from age 4 too.

The difference between having two singletons and twins is that you chose to get pregnant a second time. If you are only aiming for one pregnancy and one child being told that someone else made a conscious decision to have two and its totally the same would piss you off.

I deliberately spaced out pregnancy so I wouldn't have two in nappies, in nursery at the same time etc, someone having two turn up at once can't make that choice.

@bluebluezoo

Much of all the "baby stuff" isn't essential though. I never had a high chair, a moses baskets, or baby gyms.

So where did your baby sleep during the day? Where did your baby sit to eat?

@Sindragosan according to some on this thread, if you get twins and didn't want two close together, you just pop off for an abortion and start again

There are some advantages...not many.
Sibling discount on nursery as they are there at the same time. Fees don't drag on over time and we avoided the price rises that sibling friends incurred.

It's a bit of a kicker that the child benefit was hugely reduced on "child 2" as it's not like we can do hand me downs.

No one has said that you should just have an abortion. They have said that pregnancy is a choice and that you are always aware that any pregnancy could result in twins, so saying “I didn’t have a choice” is not correct. If you say that no one forced someone to have two singletons, it can also be said that no one forced you to continue with a twin pregnancy you couldn’t cope with or afford.

Hilarious. Actually hilarious

No one has said that you should just have an abortion. They have said that pregnancy is a choice and that you are always aware that any pregnancy could result in twins, so saying “I didn’t have a choice” is not correct. If you say that no one forced someone to have two singletons, it can also be said that no one forced you to continue with a twin pregnancy you couldn’t cope with or afford.

Yeah, every woman I know who tries for baby ensures they make contingency plans for having twins or triplets.

Pull the other one!