To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

Proper rich people spend it on education and things you don’t see. Poor people spend money on things that you can see like iPads, handbags and cars.

Case in point ; Boris is rich but he looks like he lives in a bin.

Evil

Perfect example.

J Corbyn too. He is stinking rich and comes from a wealthy family & grew up in a huge house.

He looks like a 1970s Geography teacher and his house 'looks' ordinary (until you realise where it is and how much it's actually worth)

Boris is rich but he looks like he lives in a bin.

Boris isn’t rich...this is the problem! Or, at least, he’s certainly not rich compared to the people he mixes with. Think back to the Blairs and the holidays with Berlusconi - it’s an aspiration to a lifestyle they can’t afford.

Philip Hammond is rich. But you wouldn’t be able to tell just from meeting him or looking at a picture of him.

Completely agree.
My parents aren't short of money really, and don't own anything fancy. Their house isn't mortgaged anymore but they have one cheap car which they share, don't buy expensive clothes, don't eat out or get takeaways. Mum is always quite pleased with her good charity shop finds. They do have a holiday home though.

I know quite a few people who are very bitter about this - relatives - and make comments. They go out and buy brand new cars which everyone in the family has one of, designer clothes, handbags, eat out 3 times a week. I can't help but think that they might have a little bit more money if they didn't spend it all trying to create this appearance for themselves.

Ok if Boris with his huge house in Islington isn’t rich enough... David Cameron. When was the last time you say him with an Apple Watch and a Michael kors handbag

But are the people with the flash cars buying them because they like shiny things and want them so they can enjoy them, rather than to show off with? Genuine question.

You'd have to be spectularly naive to think that, outside obviously outliers like the landed gentry or the very poor, looking flash/expensive possessions is a reliable indicator of having a lot of money.

We're very much of the 'reasonably comfortable but don't look flash' type (small 2 bed ex LA semi that looks quite scruffy, 2 basic practical cars) because we're not interested in home decoration or fast car type stuff but we have money in the bank, DPs mountain bike is worth £5k+ but didn't cost anywhere near that because he buys and sells all the bits second hand and builds them himself, but you'd really have to be into bikes to know what it's worth as it looks quite understated.

The most expensive things I own is a gin collection and ridiculously expensive walking socks, I don't spend a penny on any kind of personal grooming beyond basic hygiene.

The only things we obviously spend money on is holidays, but we can basically afford these by not overspending on other areas, if I had a £200 pm grooming habit or we went out drinking every weekend, had bought the biggest house we could afford that we were constantly decorating or improving, or drove more expensive cars, then we'd maybe not be able to afford the things we value, like the holidays, outdoor activities, and the gin, all the gin.

I agree. I have friends who take out loans for fancy expensive cars, designer handbags and materialistic objects. We are all mid 20s and theres such a stigma that we need to have everything sorted career, house sorted that people pretend they do...

Its sad because then they struggle to pay off the credit card and loan repayments and are broke month to month. I got rid of my car, gave up designer brands and things like regular hair cuts and acrylic nails to save up. I take care in my appearance but saving money is more important to me.

@RoseyOldCrow

"Both our (paid for) cars have private plates so nobody can tell how old they are!"
Surely you didn't buy the plates so that people didn't know how old your car is though. Isn't that just a by-product of it?

We have a personalised plate (something I never thought we'd do as had always considered it pretentious) but bought it when we had our first brand new car. We just wanted to avoid unpleasant number plates such as cac, vom etc. We were advised to go on DVLA site and coincidentally saw one which was extremely appropriate. Bought it for special celebration for partner (£999, not thousands).
Years later and we have much newer car and don't mind if anyone thinks it is older because of personalised plate. Don't usually think about it at all.

I don't think it's a sign of having money. Some are only a few hundred pounds.

Natalia

It's all relative.
In my world someone with 1.6 million in the bank (& millions invested in his homes) is pretty wealthy.

We have a personalised plate (something I never thought we'd do as had always considered it pretentious) but bought it when we had our first brand new car. We just wanted to avoid unpleasant number plates such as cac, vom etc.

Really?! Where in earth are you buying your new cars from?

Dealers always have a huge selection of new DVLA number plates to choose from when you buy a new car.

Elodie Totally agree with you on the point that it’s relative; that’s why people like Boris Johnson are so dangerous.... But, yes, I take the more general point! You don’t see Johnson, Cameron etc walking round with designer names emblazoned across their T shirts, or driving a car with a BJ 1 type numberplate.

My BIL went into hyper expensive car salesroom where he has bought cars decades they didn't even get up off their seats, he was dressed in untidy shorts & t-shirt,
He wanted to know specs on their top car, they didn't give him the time of day.
As he left the director came out & recognized him !
He mentioned that apparently they had no cars for sale he was going over the road !!

We have a personalised plate (something I never thought we'd do as had always considered it pretentious) but bought it when we had our first brand new car. We just wanted to avoid unpleasant number plates such as cac, vom etc.
This has to be a wind up. Bravo!

Philip Hammond is rich. But you wouldn’t be able to tell just from meeting him or looking at a picture of him.

Johnson allegedly worth about £1.2 million, Hammond about £8 million.

Dh and I probably earn the most out of our group of friends but we have the least expensive cars. I personsally hate the idea of spending 40k on a vehicle - they don't hold their value and decent 2nd hand one will do the job just as well. I don't spend much on clothes either - I'm more Dorothy Perkins or Sainsburys than Ted Baker. I do spend a lot on our home and garden though. It's where we spend most of our time after all! I do wonder how people afford those cars though. Paying 200 a month plus fuel, ins etc is a lot IMO.

Boris Johnson has to be worth more than £1.2M, surely? He's an established rich person, family wealth, public school etc etc etc.

I just can't find it in myself to criticise those who overspend to look like they're doing well. It's clearly a low self esteem thing. Who among us doesn't do un-sensible things to feel better sometimes?

The other thing with Boris is that even if you do not consider him rich, he is still running the country. Proof that investment in the right education is better value than flashy cars, big rented houses and throwaway clothes and handbags.

We're fairly frugal, one hol per year, sometimes in UK. Share a second hand car. Nice house in nice area but had a big deposit so low mortgage. I'm not working atm so haven't had hair done since may.
I feel like we have enough for small treats when we need them. Very happy with my lot. At my old place of work those in debt were obsessed with latest phones and cars etc. I noticed that they felt they had to have them to feel good about themselves and viewed them as essential.
My parents are very wealthy now (weren't always) and have lived fairly frugal lives. Am grateful to have inherited this!

Common enough. I've known people who barely have a pot to piss in, cash wise, owe whacking great bills to the tax man, etc., and yet have to have flash cars on the drive - their self esteem is presumably bound up with what's on show.

It's pathetic, really, and such people often like to tell themselves that others who don't go in for show are jealous of them, when in reality they may be a lot better off but just have completely different priorities. Like savings, investments - and not being up to their necks in debt.

The stealth boasting on this thread is hilarious

I know - it is like humblebrag central

Not necessarily.
People try and work out my income, including asking questions such as CC's and surprised I don't have any personal ones.

Over the years I have purchased designer/high-end products. Simply because I know they will last longer and at the time I have the means. It's not to appear as something to anyone. Just makes financial sense.

Then you have the likes of Ebay, second hand stores and factory outlets for clothes.

I don't understand why people want to know so much about other peoples income/debt/savings etc. Or even want to share so much info. An ex-colleagues child got a deal on a car where they get a trade-in every couple of years, everyone knew everything about the child finances, I mean just why?

Natalia

I think Boris should most definitely get a 'BJ1' number plate!

It is up to individuals what they spend money on. I do not like personalised number plates but other people do and let them spend their money as they like. I have a nice house and paid for the chidlren's university and private school education. We all just make the choices we want to., My son's friend's parents have a garage in London with 20 very expensive cars they own in it - seems totally pointless to me but clearly they get a lot of plesaure out of having a fleet of expensive cars - goodness knows why but that is their thing.

(BJ's house has just sold for £3.75m but no idea what mortgage they had on it - family home. in fact that probably means he is not particularly rich - even I could keep my 5 bed detached on my divorce despite paying my husband about 59% as I could afford to take out a mortgage of £1.3m and presumably he and the wife he is divorcing cannot afford to buy each other out to keep the children in the home).