To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

Cross post. Didn’t know these were called earring jackets. I’ve got a pair of earrings with a jacket and matching necklace. I must be posh.

I never take any notice of what others have. As you say, people can spend everything they have being Hyacinth Bucket (or is it Bouquet).

If people want to judge us on our cars, they'll think we are doing good (we do okay). I've got a 35 grand car in the drive and my wife's is quite new. The difference is, mines a company car, so I don't have to buy it. I wear such designer labels as ' George' and 'F&F' (someone has to ), but I'm happy with our little lot.

I had a 'friend' who was stuck in a constant cycle of borrowing money from us to keep up with seemingly never ending bills for electricity/credit cards etc. Found her Instagram page one day (we're not on social media and she knows that), and it was full of her flaunting the latest phone/designer bags/expensive meals out! Suffice to say, the friendship fizzled out after we learnt to say 'no' to her requests.

I disagree on the cars. People with expensive cars tend to get on finance now. I dont think anyone into status items at the moment. Everyone seems to not be spending and making do its all about buying second hand to help the earth etc. Recycling is huge. Thats what im seeing in rl.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting anything on finance per se- I just think it’s a shame when people do it for the wrong reasons - born out of insecurity and wanting to appear a certain way to others.

I live in an affluent area, where very expensive cars are common place, I might occasionally think 'oh that's an unusual colour choice for a Bentley' , but because they are so common and essentially do everything my old car does, I don't give them much thought, if it makes the person who drives it happy, more power to them.

I tend to covet other stuff though, like artwork or someone's gorgeous sofa or their Chameau wellies. I covet stuff that I can imagine enjoying owning, cars just don't do it for me

I’ve looked at loads of people and wondered why they seem to have more money than us/be coping so much better despite being on the same money or less and have later discovered that a lot of their stuff is on credit. A small minority turn out to have tiny mortgages due to big deposits they put down or make massive savings in other areas of their life but mainly it’s been credit

I drive a battered (and dirty) old Fiesta but I own it outright. My friend always asks why I don't get a new one on credit/ lease like hers but then moans how much it costs! Years ago an old friend said "third class riding is better than first class walking" and it stayed with me .

IME people who are actually well off, don't look it from the outside. I know a few millionaires - one couple dress and live like normal people and the other dresses like he lives in the slums .

I knew a mum who drove a brand new range rover (I assumed they were doing well) but couldn't scrape together £20 for a school trip

There was a couple in our village who were very well off. My dad was their plumber and he said their house was beautiful (well over a million, 20 years ago), they had a cellar full of expensive wines and beautiful furniture etc. He was a barrister in London and she had a very good job too. However, if you saw them in the street you wouldn’t have thought they had two pennies to rub together, they wore scruffy clothes and drove old bangers.

Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't, people's circumstances differ.

Yes I agree. I sometimes drive into my nearest deprived town and its full of range rovers when the average salary there is £18,000.

Far more stealthy is my friend who owns a small holding, a stable, three horses and a cottage but drives a 10 year old vitara jeep. People have no idea but sneer at her car. She sees the funny side thankfully.

I drive a flash car but it is entirely for my own pleasure (retirement present to myself). I couldn’t care less what other people think of my finances as a result.

You need a certain level of income to pay all the debts on a monthly basis, so you could have a big income - i cant get a big mortgage on a big house for instance. But they arent necessarily accumulating any wealth. They could just be paying interest on things losing value. And their income could be just a redundacy away. You just cant tell.

Where I used to live flash cars on credit were VERY important. People could not afford to buy the expensive houses so borrowed for the car. We have a nice house, average oldest cars, but horse has a nice newish horsebox, safe for motorways. Depends on what you want

Oh yes this is definitely a 'thing' where I live, every other car is a Range Rover (usually with obligatory personalised number plate). I once counted the number of range rovers I saw between my house and the petrol station just as a little experiment, a 5 min drive and 20 range rovers!! It's like they're cloning themselves! I think it becomes a bit like when Daniella Westbrook started wearing Burberry it all but killed the brand!

Rich people stay rich by acting like they're poor.
Poor people stay poor by acting like they're rich.

Once I understood that premise (forget where I first heard it) I stopped mindlessly spending.

Consumerism: spending money you haven’t got to buy stuff you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.

This. And I agree with PP that cars are not a good indicator now, because of financing deals.

As a high earner I notice that I tend to spend less than some others on comparative things - shopping at Lidl, looking for vouchers before every purchase, car is 23 years old, I set a calendar reminder to buy airplane tickets when good deals are on etc. I expect some of it is that I have the time and headspace to do these things (which I wouldn't have if I was up at 5am to catch a bus to a badly-paid job somewhere), but I think it's partly also a real sense of security where my sense of self isn't too closely attached to my spending.

If you have an expensive car it doesn't count against you while claiming benefits in the way that cash or savings in the bank do.

In a group of my friends I find those of us with more money spend less and the those with little money spend every last penny of it. Not that it bothers me, couldn’t give a fig if someone’s rich or poor tbh.

I used to work in a 5 red * resort and the ones there on vouchers (not sure if they knew that it shows up on the computer in every department) were always the ones acting like top cunts thinking they’re clever and treat us like dirt whereas the truly rich and famous were so nice and down to Earth!