To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

Both our (paid for) cars have private plates so nobody can tell how old they are!
Why on earth would it matter if any one knows how old your car is?
Why would any one even care?
Truly baffling!!

Wow ! The smugness on this thread !
Who even cares what their neighbours/friends/acquaintaces/colleagues/bloke down the road earns ?

The stealth boasting on this thread is hilarious
it is like humblebrag central - too right.

I absolutely agree OP, and don't get me started on the people that spend gob smacking amounts on show off weddings but then have no deposit for a house etc, crazy. DH and I are both v low maintenance people, we have a car that was secondhand 9 years ago, have cheap, local holidays, buy most of our furniture secondhand and trawl charity shops for clothes and homeware etc and buy an awful lot of reduced/bargain food . However, we have no mortgage, no debt, and a fair amount of savings should times become hard. Contrast with a friend that buys everything new, changes things such as sofas and cars at the drop of a hat and holidays abroad several times a year, and is drowning in debt, CRAZY!

I always think the harder people try to look designer and flashy, the less money they have

Agreed. And less class.

Wow ! The smugness on this thread !
Who even cares what their neighbours/friends/acquaintaces/colleagues/bloke down the road earns

Because more often than not, it is not about what they earn. People may look at those around them and feel like the poor relation, but later find out it's all smoke and mirrors. It's not about smugness...it's about the fact that some people care so much about looking poor that they put themselves into a precarious financial situation. It is fascinating and terrifying.

Many of these people living on credit will not have lived through interest rates of 15-17%, so perhaps are less cautious about borrowing than us older people.

Also totally agree that the truly, fabulously wealthy are not wearing the bling that people who think they want to appear wealthy buy.

If you are truly well off, you get your shoes handmade to measure from top quality leather by some little shop in a London backstreet where the people know you by name and keep a wooden block cast of your feet. You don't buy Ugg boots, or Gucci trainers or those stilettos with a red sole.

I think I can understand why poorer people want newer/flashier stuff sometimes...especially if they have little DC. They want to be seen to be looking after them properly, otoh people who are better off I don't think worry as much they'll be judged by hvs/teachers/playgroup parents.

There's a lot of crap on this thread.

DH and I are pretty scruffy, used to have a battered old Discovery and a battered old BMW, talking 16 years old at least. On both occasions when we went into the car garage looking for an update we had good attentive service from all the sales staff. Salespeople are not stupid.

We drive nice cars now, we live in a big newbuild. All bought and paid for and good pensions and plenty in the bank.

Hate all this old money, new money shit. Yes we earned our money ourselves, rather than have it because our ancestors ripped some peasants off. Not going to live in some leaky old wreck and drive a jalopy if I can afford not to; I had enough of that when I was a kid.

I do thinj the car having a cherished plate to hide the age is really mad. I had a very old car. It got egged ALL the time. Who even carries eggs with them ffs, it was ridiculous. It was a very old brightly coloured car from a brand that was openly taken the piss out of in the 80s although not anymore. It was however the most reliable car I ever had. If it had had a personalised number plate on it, it would have looked like I was rolling a shit in glitter.

I read Dave Ramseys guide to finances recently and it was interesting. He is financial guru in the US and he had a few sound principles for managing money. One on cars was around the fact that they can get you into horrible amounts of debt and depreciate so quickly. He said that the millionaires he knows (of whom he is one) are very shrewd with their money (thats how they get to be millionaires) and they buy 1-2 year old cars not brand new & flashy but reliable make and buy them outright with no finance then trade them in in a few yrs before problems start. He talks about the freedom you feel when all debt is paid off and that credit is really to be seen as debt and too much is not a good thing and drags you down especially of your circumstances change. x

FWIW The plates were gifts to / from me & DP and subtley reference our DCs names - we thought it was a nice thing to do (& the DCs don't mind) Judge away!

They weren't bought solely to hide the ages of the cars, that is a side effect, perhaps I should've replaced "so" with "& has the coincidental effect of".

There was a snippet on TV a couple of nights ago about a business which owns and rents out super cars, because in their culture it is considered important to show off your wealth. So for any sort of party or event, people would rent a Lamborghini for a day. Multiple commenters described it as showing honour to their guests.

I don’t get it.

To be honest, I’m more likely to judge someone for being flashy than scruffy. Probably because I’m scruffy.

Years ago an old friend said "third class riding is better than first class walking" and it stayed with me.

That does not make sense!

We drive nice cars now, we live in a big newbuild.

According to this thread, these are to be avoided if you want to have genuine status where you think you belong...

Old money talks with an educated accent and voice.

Yes and usually has a very smooth way of finding out whether you are worth bothering with or not. They are not fooled by cars!

I was talking to my cousin and her husband about this subject recently. Her husband was saying I was nuts for buying a car (5 years old, very non flashy small model) for cash, when I could get a brand new BMW or flash 4x4 for 'only' a couple of hundred a month like they do every year or two. He told me that he loves having an expensive new car on the driveway as 'otherwise how will people know I have the money for it?'.

This seemed rather illogical to me, as a) he can't afford it really - it's on credit and b) they all live crammed in a small two bed house as they can't afford to move - the house his car is parked outside doesn't exactly scream 'wealthy'. They would have been able to move if they hadn't remortgaged multiple times to finance a top of the range new kitchen and bathroom every five years plus redecorating and refurnishing the whole house every couple of years. They own every gadget you can imagine and love designer clothes, food etc.

His siblings are both extremely accomplished academically and professionally, are high earners and live in what most would call mansions. He has two GCSEs and earns £30k a year if he does tons of overtime - he clearly feels the need to keep up with the rest of his family outwardly, even if it disadvantages him long term. I can tell he enjoys showing all his 'stuff' off to me and telling me where I'm going wrong as it makes him feel superior - I'm not the one paying out £1.5K a months in loan and credit card repayments though so I'm happy with my old car, 37" telly and ten year old kitchen.

@Hellofromtheotherside2020 wow that’s sounds great, what a nice little insight.

I agree with @Tractorgirlz to a point. Although I think a lot of it comes down to taste as well. I work in property and we operate in some very wealthy areas of Yorkshire, we see a lot of ‘ten bob millionaires’ where everything is bought on credit or fake in the case of clothes, bags and jewellery. They give it the big lick but our position provides an insight into them not being as wealthy as they make out.

But then we work with a lot of genuinely wealthy people who everything is bling bling it’s just that they have no taste. Then some of the wealthiest clients I can think of are just completely normal to the untrained there’s also couple you would say borderline scruffy and wouldn’t never suspect their vast wealth.

^ I'm not criticising anyone with two GCSEs, I should make clear. His sister is a university professor, so I was comparing the two to show how he^ feels inferior in some way

Isn't this thread just another way to bash working class and/or poor people?

People have different priorities in life. Get over it.

Competitive frugality is so tiresome btw.

All this old money likes to slum it in sackcloth is a load of nonsense. You need only follow the Manners Sisters or MrsAlice on IG to see that it’s all haute couture and fanciness.

The new build estates round here are full of huge, soulless houses with flashy cars on the drive. They attract people who want to show off their supposed wealth, but they’re actually just tacky.

So does it make it tacky if you buy thing expensive things you can afford?
Why do people feel the need to judge? It doesn't affect you, it's none of your business so really why do you care?