To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

I find that people that actually don't have a lot of money are the ones trying to look like they do. They drive expensive cars and wear designer clothes but don't actually live in nice homes or areas and are in loads of debt. People from wealthier backgrounds don't feel like they have as much to prove in my opinion.

I feel like the "poor relation" in the wealthy area where I live, and I do feel envious of the other school mums who have nice holidays (I can't even afford to run a car).

But I know sadly that they're just a divorce away from being in my position, or worse. I'm cash-poor but asset-rich (equity in the house) so I get some comfort from that. I do feel embarrassed though but I try to count my blessings.

It can all be taken away so easily.

As a non-Brit, I'm quite amused by the frantic class signalling on this thread. We're comfortable but not ostentatious. Old Money is simply classier than New Money, my dear.

I never feel I have anything to prove so couldn't care less what people think - second hand volvo (bought with no finance) holes in my cardigan until the new one came yesterday (!), etc

We do have quite a few people around here who do like to spend a lot on cars often because they have come up from nowhere and done very well and worked very hard and showing that off and gold jewellery (we have had leaflets to the house from police about too many people locally having £100k of gold at home which burglars go after) - and why not if they want to. It is their money. I have paid 5 sets of school fees from age 3 - 18 and the 5 sets of university fees/costs . Those with spare money all just choose their own priorities.

We're the poor relations round here. I find it quite liberating because nobody expects anything of us, we're considered to be the lowest of the low so I can be whoever I want to be with no pressure to be anything else.

Inwardly I am quietly satisfied when I look at what we have (not in terms of material things) which people don't know about.

I don't understand why it is important to "keep up" or display wealth. Personally I think it is shallow and tacky to ostentatiously parade signs of your perceived superiority. If you are financially blessed, good for you.

Just thinking of the school playground, and appearances, I honestly couldn’t tell you who’s wealthy or not.

I have friends who live in smaller houses than me but with flashier cars and more disposable income (because they bought their house later). Friends with huge houses with tiny mortgages and battered cars and no money. Single mums on six figures who wear designer gear and drive a Mercedes (this is my sister) but lives in a terraced house. Most of the mums are wearing the Joules raincoat and decent boots because we live semi rurally and it’s wet and muddy. Some have their hair done weekly and some don’t ever go to the hairdressers.

Stereotyping like this thread is proper nonsense. Although the op does have a point about a certain type of person who goes into debt to look rich, that’s not really what the rest of the posts have described.

Both our (paid for) cars have private plates so nobody can tell how old they are!
No intention to change them for new cars, what on earth is the point - they still work safely & efficiently, that's enough for us.

There’s a woman in my village, who’s as snobby as it comes. Her children go to private school and her husband obviously earns well as she doesn’t work. She is so eager to be “seen as” that she walks her dog in clothes (Joules price range or more) more fit for the office than the playing fields and heeled leather boots. She doesn’t work btw.

Perhaps she just doesn't like you because you drive too fast and are very judgemental?

No intention to change them for new cars, what on earth is the point

Strange point of view from someone who has personal number plates? What's the point of them?

I don't know or care how much money people have. If they are intelligent and funny, I'm in.

Yep. I didn't realise the extent to which people did this until recently but it's mind boggling the decisions people make regarding having material stuff that they can't afford, in order to look flash.
Im not rich but I don't consider myself poor. I spend within my means and sometimes go over if I think it's worth it-mainly in travel and doing stuff with the DD's. And that's very rare that I'd sanction that sort of spending on credit.
I can't ever imagine being in a car show room for example and agreeing to pay £400 a month to HP a huge car I had no practical need for, that was going to leave me in a financially precarious position should the slightest thing go wrong. I nearly always go for the cheapest option that will do the job to the extent I need it. Buying stuff for appearances seems really odd to me.

I don't generally think about people's wealth. I tend to think the 'have a lots' have a lot of debt too.

I don't try to keep up with others, not because it's expensive to do so, but because I'm a grown up and am individual and I'm not a sheep.

There’s a bobby basic 2 bed semi round the corner from me with a McLaren in the drive. Puzzler.
I have much more money/assets than you would think to look at me, rocking my 4 year old Skoda, Primark hoodies and ancient Top Shop jeans. I’m all about stability and security. My baby DS is always in Primark and supermarket clothes because he’s only going to pee/poo/spew on it then grow out of it in a few weeks anyway. It doesn’t mean I love him less, and he’s so outrageously handsome that it doesn’t matter one tiny bit! Flip side is his savings account was in four figures before he was even born. I want to be able to provide the things that actually matter when he’s older, rather than fluff up my own ego now by dressing him in all the fancy labels.
Other people have different priorities. DSD is eight and has thousands of (borrowed) pounds lavished on her at Christmas, birthday, any given random Tuesday, best and most branded of everything, but less than £100 in her savings account for her future. Her parents choice 🤷‍♀️

Why is it any of your business what money people have/don't have?
I thought it was more of a discussion about people's behaviour and attitudes.

My dcs are at private school so I do know people who seem/are very rich. Enormous houses, pools, stables, 3 holidays a year, parents and gps privately educated. I know one family who literally has billions.

Someone down the road buying a Merc and wearing Joules - wouldn't even register.

Rich people stay rich by acting like they're poor.
Poor people stay poor by acting like they're rich

This is how I live.

I know of one of the school mums who lives off benefits but everytime she goes out she has to have a new outfit, nails done, hair blow dried etc she also has hair extensions, fake lashes, botox regulary. She moved house and just threw all the old furniture away (nothing wrong with it) and bought new. She doesn't own a hoover, says she cant afford one, and the bailiffs turned up the other day as she hadn't paid her council tax for over a year.Absolute madness, everything must be on credit.

AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?
'Luxury' items, cars and designer clothes are heavily marketed and appeal to people 'aspiring' to be rich.
These people are not rich but want to appear so. For this reason, some of the least wealthy people spend £££ on the most ostentatious items.

The luxury items, cars and designer clothes bought by the super rich are not marketed to the masses.
Many don't 'look' wealthy - they don't need to impress or keep up with anyone.

Tbh, I usually step back and think more fool you, if i meet someone like this.
I know you can get so much on finance, but you still have to pay for it.

Apart from our home we have never had finance for anything, nor monthly subscriptions.
Consumerism doesn't impress me, I'm more of a don't spend it unless you have to type

Its easy to fall into the trap though isn't it?
We have a small mortgage and live in a relatively cheap area - I am very house proud and love the latest gadgets and toys. A beautiful house makes me feel good.
I then see others who prioritise holidays and experiences but moan they cant afford a house (looking at you cousin with your crappy crowdfunder to get people to donate your deposit!!)
Then my SIL who has wasted thousands and blown about 2 million to keep up with the neighbours - she was doing so well at one point it just seems sad now.

Ultimately I don't think its how people spend their money but how they feel.
Spend your money on what you love (horses, houses, cars, savings - whatever it is, where ever you want to place your money) and you'll be happy, spend it chasing others and you never will be.
The happiness shines through more and that's the true sign of wealth

The stealth boasting on this thread is hilarious 🙄
I'm finding it hilarious. The one about those paying with vouchers not realizing it shows up all over the system the horror! Does that poster think those who pay with vouchers should wear a scarlet V and receive inferior service?
British petty snobbery indeed.

I consider myself skint...but we own our own home in London with a small mortgage. I have no other debt, and enough to live on. A lot is to do with your upbringing. It genuinely wouldn't occur to me to get into debt for non essential goods. I'd borrow to buy food or pay bills but not to buy handbags and holidays. It seems totally crazy to me. I'll never forget my sil telling me she was struggling to pay her rent at the same time she was online buying a hundred pound dress for a party she was going to. I honestly don't think she could see how ridiculous it was.

People without a lot of money are very anxious not to look poor and will try to persuade people that they’re flash. People who are genuinely wealthy (the old money and intellectual/professional types, anyway) are very anxious not to look flashy and ostentatious.

Both our (paid for) cars have private plates so nobody can tell how old they are!
No intention to change them for new cars, what on earth is the point - they still work safely & efficiently, that's enough for us.

Why don't you want others to know how old your cars are?