To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

If you have an expensive car it doesn't count against you while claiming benefits in the way that cash or savings in the bank do.

But if you use your savings to buy an expensive car (or art, jewellery or blow it on a luxury cruise), the DWP may take the view that you have done so with the intention of creating or increasing benefit entitlement. They then treat your claim as though you still had that money, and the onus is on you to prove otherwise.

These "deprivation of capital" cases are among my favourites when it comes to appeals.

I can have an opinion on it though. How delusional do you have to be to be struggling to pay your rent yet at the same time shopping online for expensive dresses and shoes and not be able to put two and two together.

I don't get the reluctance on here to talk about low self esteem and how that makes people ultra concerned about appearances, maybe a discussion about compassion, ideas for other ways to improve how we feel about ourselves...

Perhaps I should be on overthinking-amateur-psychologists-net instead

Yep! It sounds bad but I always associate huge TV's with council estate, no income families.
Families with money tend to have smaller TV's or none at all

I don't get the reluctance on here to talk about low self esteem and how that makes people ultra concerned about appearances, maybe a discussion about compassion, ideas for other ways to improve how we feel about ourselves

This was the intention of the thread, really! More of a ‘what is wrong with society that people feel pressured to do this’
But it’s been lost in a sea of bollocks, unfortunately. I think I’ve even been accused of thinking everyone with a nice car is faking it or that they’ve only done this to impress people. Which is not what I said at all

Cilantro an earring jacket is where you have a stud in front then the jacket part goes on the back and frames the earlobe and the butterfly fits behind the jacket.... you can get some nice silver ones in you local independent jeweller a lot cheaper than the big chain jewellers

I always think the more they try show they have the less they actually do have hence trying to prove something constantly i personally find designer clothes and labels chavtastic and wouldn't be seen dead in them but it gives you a clear idea of who to avoid if they are head to toe in the stuff bleurgh.

@Earthling1994 at one point XH and I were both earning high 5 figures.
Before we moved in together, I had no TV (so you’re spot on!) but he had a 60” one, which in those days was MASSIVE! So we’re for and against your impression

Fools and their money are easily parted.

I know lots of wealthy people that literally dress in old, holey clothes.

I think it can cost a fortune but I beg to differ about all wealthy people walking around in old M & S trousers covered in dog hair. Where my kids go to school there are some seriously wealthy families. Think oligarch - who-is-that-guy-with-the-dark-glasses-at-school-pick-up-oh-that-would-be-the-bodyguard type families. There are some mums whom I have never ever seen wear the same outfit twice let alone handbag. It’s astonishing. And I’m talking ‘just stepped out of Vogue’. Perhaps the hairy hand me downs is more of a British landed money wealth?

we know of a family that has a 4 figure sum in the bank and receive between 5-6 thousand a month(they have told us this)they dont work as this money comes from his family business and this is his share

they are vegan, hippy and home educate and 3/4 of the year live in a camper van where they tour abroad and just sleep when ever they park up,half the time there is no electricity,when they are home they live in a 2 bedroom caravan

they are very minimal and make their own clothes but are very down to earth and very charitable

you would not think in a million years they are classes as rich

in their circumstances i would be in a 4 bedroom house with all the mod cons and a big garden full of stuff for the kids

Thats the point though the truly wealthy don't feel the need to flaunt it and they don't squander it on designer crap. These Sleb wannabes and chavs have a lot to learn 😂

we know of a family that has a 4 figure sum in the bank and receive between 5-6 thousand a month(they have told us this)they dont work as this money comes from his family business and this is his share

I would wonder why anyone would ever feel the need to share that kind of information...

unless they are growing weed or something and need to justify their "hippie" lifestyle?

Thats the point though the truly wealthy don't feel the need to flaunt it and they don't squander it on designer crap

That's just not true though. Do you think the "truly wealthy" only shop at Primark or M&S? People learn to live within their means and they generally appreciate high quality. The designer stores in London are full of truly wealthy people.

A 4 figure sum on the bank???

@LucaFritz who’s buying all the yachts then?

Come on, plenty of wealthy people squander it on designer crap.

Some of these old landed types are sitting on land and houses worth a fortune but have relatively low disposable income. They’re not necessarily driving battered old Defenders because of their innate sense of modesty.

Each to their own I guess. We have a healthy savings account, good pensions, mortgage repaid, no debt. Our house is modest and we don’t spend on big hols.

We are late 40s.

Money can’t buy you taste, as the saying goes.

This thread has really made me question my own spending habits!

I am in no debt, maybe a small amount on an online account and wouldn’t consider myself well off. Yet I’ve spend thousands on designer bags and like to dress daughter always in mid range £££ like mini rodini, Boden.

Really thinking to myself now what really is the point! Embrassingly it probably is a status thing just never realised till now.

Nice one, @Ellisandra!

The yachts are obviously being bought by people with false nails, using credit cards.

I would imagine people like to keep up appearances so can get in debt to show they earn a lot and may don't

That's just not true though. Do you think the "truly wealthy" only shop at Primark or M&S? People learn to live within their means and they generally appreciate high quality. The designer stores in London are full of truly wealthy people.

Exactly this. The problem with this thread I feel is that some people are trying to justify their own inadequacy or shortcomings by convincing themselves anyone displaying their wealth is full of debt. It makes them feel better about their own situation IMO.