To think it can cost a fortune to keep up appearances?

[ethelfleda]

Talking to my friend this evening...
Her and her partner are wonderful, very down to earth and not at all materialistic.
However, his family are (in his own words) trying so hard to show everyone they have a bit of money that they’ve nearly spent all their money doing so!
Seems like a bit of a paradox to me. AIBU to think that in some instances, those that go for outward displays of wealth actually aren’t that wealthy?

I know quite a few people who view cars as status symbols, for example. The nicer that car, the wealthier they must be. But surely, if you have a fairly regular income and decent enough credit score, a new car is within your grasp - you just need to finance it? Your name brand clothes can be put on credit cards and you can mortgage up to your eyeballs to get a 4 bed detached house (in the area we live, it’s possible to get a very nice 3 bed semi with a large garden for £200k so am not talking about people living further south here that have little choice but to get the highest mortgage they can)

What do you think?

I’m perfectly happy to own outright our 59 plate Qashqai. We’re the third owners and it’s just fine. Paid just under £4K cash and it’s literally the top of the range one with all the mod cons. We really like it. Planning on driving it until it dies and then get another oldish one. Would rather spend money on our house than car repayments.

I live in an affluent area, where very expensive cars are common place, I might occasionally think 'oh that's an unusual colour choice for a Bentley' , but because they are so common and essentially do everything my old car does, I don't give them much thought, if it makes the person who drives it happy, more power to them.

This is my favourite stealth boast ever. Masterful. It has everything, it really does.

wombat best post on this thread!

Iamthewombat I was also going to call bullshit on the rich people in threadbare clothes driving old bangers. They do exist but it is far more common to see rich people spending to their means as well as having savings. Even at university, the monied were not adopting the ‘no spend philosophy. Lots of the public school boys were out quaffing champagne and whiskey most nights of the week. Some of them probably spent £300 a week just on booze. One of my friends had a car and used to park without a car in the world about parking fines. He used to get one most days and was happy to pay the fine for the convenience. This was a massive construct to my lifestyle at the time and I’ll always remember it.

Contrast not construct

I wouldn't be seen dead in a Range Rover, Audi or Mercedes. They are everywhere in my town now. Honestly think they are becoming as crass as an LV handbag.

@Userzzzzz - i wonder if that was my cousin (not a stealth boast by the way, my cousins are loaded, but I'm not!)

I really am very surprised reading this thread at how many people live their lives with an eye to impressing other people instead of just getting on with enjoying life the best they can. I am glad that I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of my car or house.

@Paintedmaypole

Agreed. Yes, I have an expensive car and have had for the last 9 years. Everybody who knows me, knows it comes with the job and if that went tomorrow, so would the car.

We've got a normal 3 bed house and my wife has a pretty inexpensive car that wasn't bought brand new. Sod that for a game, we've never bought brand new cars and never will.

Clotheswise I'm styled by Asda and the wife does like a charity shop.

@Iamthewombat “Jilly Cooper” yes! all the time on here, people trotting out this rich people in old cheap clothes nonsense, all smugly “in the know”. It’s so funny!

I don’t think most people who buy expensive stuff do so to keep appearances. They do it because they want. They’re not trying to pass themselves off as richer than they are, they just want to shiny new heavily marketed must have. Sure, some are keeping up appearances - but I don’t think that’s the majority.

@Iamthewombat well said!!

Honestly think they are becoming as crass as an LV handbag.

Yes, definitely even more crass than Michael Kors anything.

I don’t think most people who buy expensive stuff do so to keep appearances. They do it because they want. They’re not trying to pass themselves off as richer than they are, they just want to shiny new heavily marketed must have. Sure, some are keeping up appearances - but I don’t think that’s the majority.

I agree, at the end of the day some people are rich enough to be able to do everything the desire with their money so how can you conclude everyone is doing it to show off? Very narrow minded and ignorant to think this way.

I also think a lot of this thread is jealousy. To be concerning yourself so much with how others spend their money shows something about you not them

What is extra funny is, as soon as a poster points out a fallacious argument (eg ‘proper rich people dress like tramps’ or ‘most people with new range rovers have got them on PCP lease schemes’), somebody chimes in with the same argument that has not only appeared many times on the thread but has been discounted several times, as if it were a freshly-minted piece of nose-tapping wisdom. Because who needs to read the thread when you are in the know, eh?

I agree OP. My mother struggled as a single parent when I was growing up. Now she has a partner and they share ownership of a house (mortgage) she is addicted to spending. Most of it on credit cards. There’s 2 new cars on the drive, even though she only uses it to drive 5/10 mins to work and occasionally do drops offs with the GC. She could easily save on the car finance and get a bus/walk to work. Every time I go out for food with her where there are shops she is constantly buying things. She has to have her hair done all the time and nails painted. She is the manager of an independent abuse charity that is quickly running out of funding. She will lose her job by the end of next year and I’m incredibly concerned. She is 50 so not young enough to start a new career and not the type of person to work in say a supermarket or fast food restaurant. She will never be able to get another job and it’s worrying thinking about how she will pay off all her credit cards. She always has to have designer clothing from Debenhams and hoards everything. Literally 5 wardrobes full of clothes. All to make herself look good to other people. What’s wrong with a pair of Tesco jeans and a Primark jumper eh? I honestly couldn’t give a shit what other people look like or what they drive as long as they are kind

Do Debenhams sell designer clothing? They sell some branded clothing, which is not the same. All clothes are designed by somebody, but ask most people what they understand by the term ‘designer clothing’ and Red Herring at Debenhams ain’t it.

Maybe your mother couldn’t care less about what people think of her - clothes buying, hair, nails and all?

Actually you are quite harsh on your mum. She’s only 50! By your own admission she struggled as a single parent. Maybe she just wants to live a little. Her money, her choice.

Do Debenhams sell designer clothing?
of course not, but they sell high street clothing labeled "designer" clothes. It's just the name of the brand.

Her money, her choice

It's not really her money if it's on credit.

It's ridiculous to get into debt for non essential items especially if your job is not secure.

Her debt, her choice then. I find the daughter’s post quite finger-wagging and pi-faced. The mother is a grown woman of 50, not a dotty old dear who doesn’t know what she is doing. Also, the mother might have a career plan, who knows?

The mother is a grown woman of 50

Means nothing. My sil is in her fifties and absolutely addicted to shopping to the extent she can't afford her rent. In debt up to her eyeballs yet obsessed with portraying an image to everyone that she's doing well. It's absolutely awful to witness.

Well, so what? What’s it to you? Apart from it being ‘awful to witness’, of course. You won’t have to personally clear her debts.

I find some of the posts on here pretty sneery about how others choose to spend. Provided your SIL isn’t stealing to fund her shopping, why not just shrug your shoulders and let her get on with it?