A mil thread

[losingthepl0t]

DH's mum is visiting. Dh is Portuguese and whilst his DSID came over 6 weeks ago, she brought their 80 something mum along to stay with us for 2 weeks. Plan was she would return with her DD (DSIS) again but DSIS has had an emergency at home and went home earlier without her Mil.

That was 6 weeks ago and mil makes no attempt of leaving. She doesn't speak English, my Portuguese is rubbish. Mil is staying in DD2's bedroom who has temporarily moved back in with DD1.

All fair and square but this was planned for 2 weeks and it's been 6. I asked DH when he intends to put his DM back on a plane but apparently, she doesn't want to go home yet, he wants her to stay as long as she wants, no returns booked, I am made out to be the bitch from hell as I try to get rid of Mil.

DH says it's his house and his mum and she can stay as long as she likes. I say it's my house as well and 6 weeks are plenty and I want at least a return date in the next few weeks. It won't be happening, I think.

I don't know what to do. She is from within the EU so no visa running out... just feels open end now.

DH won't sent her back, she is not wanting to go back. It's an old woman, not s piece of furniture I can take to the tip.

we have daily clashes over this. I know the problem is DH more than mil but I need to shift mil before I can deal with DH.

Also, she is sitting all day in the lounge, hogging the TV (kids cannot watch now at all), not engaging with the DC or helping at all (she is a fit 80 year old - I don't expect much help but she expects to be served 24/7).

I need some practical ideas. ltb won't help me. it my home and then kids home. so want my home back.

Stop letting her dictate what's on TV. Put something on for the children and if she turns it over turn it right back.

I wonder if this was the plan all along, for her to move in with you. She may not know you want her out. Ask her her plans directly using a translator app.

Tell DH you may have to leave if he doesn't sort it out, it may make him think.

But I truly believe he and his sis planned this.

I don't expect much help but she expects to be served 24/7

Well stop serving her for a start! Tell your DH that if he wants her to stay he now does everything for her - makes her lunch, does her washing etc.

I'd also give your DH a date (next weekend maybe) and tell him that on that date your DD2 is moving back into her bedroom and if he wants MIL to stay in the UK beyond that date then he will need to book her into a hotel. And do it. If she is still there on that date pack up her stuff and hand it over to your DH to deal with and move your DD2 back in.

Does your SIL speak English? If she does would it be worth phoning her?

Stop letting her dictate what's on TV. Put something on for the children and if she turns it over turn it right back.

I am doing this already. it a pathetic ping pong.

DH knows I won't leave. It's my home. and I earn only a low part time wage. I could not rent a shed even let alone a flat/house for me and the DC.

I asked her when she intends to return but she says she does not know.

Tell her she has overstayed and to go home or just book her a ticket home. Also tell your dh that if his mother doesn't get on the plane then you want a divorce. Basically light a fire under his arse and make your home as unwelcome as possible

I am not serving her all day long. I am at work. DH is pandering a lot to her needs as well.

I'd also give your DH a date (next weekend maybe) and tell him that on that date your DD2 is moving back into her bedroom and if he wants MIL to stay in the UK beyond that date then he will need to book her into a hotel.

I had conversations along those lines. o just get accused of being a bitch and he tells me she won't go now - not home nor to a hotel. And I cannot remove her physically.

I spoke to sil but she says it's up to DH and Mil. sil won't get involved.

Do you think this was possibly planned? A staged emergency to leave her behind and a way for them to move mil in? I'd not stand for it, tell him you didn't sign up to live with your mil so either he books a flight or you do but either one or both of them can go but your not as it's your home. I mean it probably won't work but are you prepared to leave?

Sorry crossed posts, I definitely think this was planned

This sounds like it was planned.
I couldn't stay with a man who treated me like that.

You have been well stitched up haven't you op?
Your hospitality needs to stop. Dh can be her host...
Appear rude - too bad...

calm, I have no idea of this is planned.

Also, I am not prepared to leave my home (very little mortgage left, I worked hard for it and got significant help from my parents with the deposit) to make space for Mil and move myself and the DC into a tiny flat. I couldn't rent anyways with my wage. but that is a separate issue. I don't want to move.

I won't leave my house to them!

Could you move your mum in? Or a friend or random relative? Move both DDs into your bedroom and insist you and DH either share with them or sleep on the sofa. Make your guest be a complete and utter inconvenience to your DH and MIL. Tell him your guest will leave when MIL does.

Assuming that isn't actually possible (if it is, then do it) then I think your only option might be to move your and your DC out until your MIL leaves. And book a solicitor's appointment to discuss a divorce

I also think it sounds staged. Otherwise MIL would have had a flight booked already for the original return date.
Do you have friends or family you could move in with short term to make the point to your husband that you wont put up with it?

Oh my, you've been stitched up like a kipper! I'd say dh and his sister had this planned and poor old mil has been moved in. Don't know what to suggest given your update, but withdrawal of all dh and mil related tasks would be first.

My daughter is having her MIL and her husband and the MILs mother for Christmas day dinner and she asked her if she would help with the meal and got no reply. I am not surprised because she is a typical nightmare MIL and my daughter cannot stand her. She treats her grandson differently to her other 2 grandchildren because they are girls and won't even look after him why my daughter does jobs etc. She will however look after her grandaughters for a whole day once a week.

Sorry cross posted with your message about not leaving the house.

So the opposite... change the locks while he is out and when he comes home send MIL out and they can both find a hotel to stay in.

while my daughter does jobs

He's being incredibly disrespectful
Tell him she leaves or you do and you divorce him
Have you any family you can stay with?

Or move yourself into the bedroom MIL is in. Make sure that every night you go to bed - in that bedroom - way before MIL can.

Your "D"H will then be left with a choice of either making his mother sleep on the sofa or sleeping on it himself. Neither is a sustainable option for long. Especially if you were to come and turn the TV on in the lounge and generally use if from VERY early in the morning.

Are your DDs supportive or do they want grandma to stay? If they are on side it would be very easy for the three of you to make a nuisance of yourselves

DDs want her to go. she does not interact with them at all.

6 weeks, that is a long time, I am sorry to tell you this but I think MIL intends on staying. Have you any friends you could stay with short term to give yourself a break? Or a mum you can move in and see how DH feels about that. Good luck OP, you must feel totally undermined. I hope your living arrangements improve very soon.

Move your DDs back into their own rooms. Tell DH mil can sleep on the couch

I think this was a plan for her to move in. I would start looking at your legal rights if I were you. How old are your DDs?

Once you have put something on the TV for the DC keep the controls with you. I'm sure she wont know how to change it manually

Good luck with that one! Very much sounds like you’ve been stitched up and as usual, you have a DH problem.

Sounds like you have been stitched up.

I like the idea of kicking her out of the bedroom. Put you DC back into their room or sleep in it yourself.

Do not allow her to dictate the TV.