To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

I can't believe you are quibbling. I'm happy to hand over a tenner!

op how many people say they agree with this but are secretly thinking 'oh shit, it's too much' you are the one 'brave' enough to say it on here but are scared of being judged - understandable. it's herd mentality, one person agrees a second and a third then no one to be different so you end up with these outlandish scenarios of over spending.
you can value your teacher without all this shite of showing off. £300 /£600 ? ffs talk about queen bees, i'm in the 'bad mom' camp and proud to be so. judge away,

Clearly I have been teaching at the wrong schools

I think emailing the school is petty and singles you out as mealy mouthed. Either contribute or don’t but drop the sanctimony.
£10 is perfectly reasonable for a teacher’s gift and added together would be so much nicer than thirty chocolate oranges. There is no compulsion to give and you can always proffer a simple card or make some fudge.

When our last left sixth form it was a £250 contribution for each child in the house - think yourself lucky it’s £10!

There's no issue with teachers being given money/ gift cards at my school. We certainly don't need to declare it and there's no upper limit. Last summer I was given a gift card for £150 and my TA was given £150 in euros, for her summer holiday! The parents each put in £10, which they said is less than they would have spent buying us each a present. I've been teaching 22 years and this was the first collection I had ever had, and I was overwhelmed and I cried, but afterwards when I packed up to go home, I was very grateful that I didn't have 30 gift bags with mugs (I don't drink hot drinks), wine (I don't drink alcohol) or smellies (I'm allergic to almost everything). I do always appreciate any gift, and the best bit of course is always the hand written message in the card, and I've kept many of these in a folder, but I do sometimes wonder what I'm meant to do with some of the gifts, as I can't really regift the one ones saying best teacher!

For the sake of a tenner, I'd also just chip in. Some mothers just love this shit of organising gifts for teachers and when my daughter was at school I usually just contributed when I remembered, but to be honest I never paid a lot of attention, so there were Times I didn't or I forgot, it was really irrelevant to me and I gave it little thought

However no one should feel pressurised to do contribute.

Has anyone said anything to you about being the only one, or is it the simple fact you're the only one making you feel bad in your head?

When my daughter taught y1 she got a serious amount of money in a voucher - nice for her and a surprise but then there’s the upset behind the collection. I’m sure some could afford it but others less so?

Now she teaches y6 there are fewer presents snd less organisation. Mugs and nic nacs.

In my time in secondary education.... a few mugs, a tankard, cards from y11 leavers and hand written notes. The notes were best.

Perhaps they should donate to people really in need if they have that much spare

It would be wrong to pressure you to contribute but they didn't did they?

I have to agree with a PP. You haven't been pressured into joining the collection. Yet because you think it's OTT/tacky/morally wrong, you've actually been in touch with the headteacher to complain.

If others find it easier and there's no pressure to contribute, then I really don't see your problem.

This is madness . On tne years my child has chosen to give his teacher a gift it has been a small bar of of chocolate or a keyring. £10 here would pay for a present for a family member or Christmas dinner. We valuencourage the teachers but won't sacrifice part of our own Christmas to pay a ridiculous about. I highly doubt those saying it's just £10 on this thread would have to forfeit part of their own Christmas to cover it.

Maybe it depends on the demographic of the school, but I just feel guilty when I get gifts from families I know could better use the money elsewhere. In my school, teachers are considered wealthy. I appreciate in some school demographics, teachers are considered badly paid.

My favourite thing to receive is a note from parent or child. I’ve kept a little box in my study of the really meaningful ones from over the years. (Though it usually has more impact if your child was THAT child.)

We do this but (not being in a London suburb) it's usually £5, even less, whatever change is to hand. I don't live in a world where you can't buy a bottle of win and some chocs for £20 though (no supermarkets in that world? Or lots of wine and 'choc' snobs?)!

I do think the idea of clubbing together for something decent is a good one, rather than lots of little things that cannot possibly all be wanted. Often vouchers, plus a token gift.

Pretty sure it's usually about 2/3 of the parents who end up contributing though, more through engagement / organisation than principle.

Standard practice here, put £20 in at the beginning of the year to a class kitty. Xmas and year end present and card bought. Chocolate egg and card at Easter. Any mum has a baby or maybe goes in hospital, flowers are sent, the class kitty used for this too.

£20 just for Xmas seems OTT though.

Are you sure that contribution is for Xmas only?
I was class rep last year and with a similar amount if money we covered Xmas, Easter and end of year presents.

£20 just for Xmas seems OTT though

Rather than seeing it as £20 spent simply consider it £15k in prep school fees saved. Glass half full and all that! .

Really? We're not that organised! Separate collections at Christmas and end of year.

I love the class collection - but I've never felt any pressure at all - just a note saying someone is collecting and to give a contribution if you like. I give £10 but others probably give £2 or £20.

The thing about reception aged children is they get ridiculously excited about giving teacher a gift. Group gifts have some benefits but for Little kids I always let them give gift/card. Something small is fine.

It's not bribery if it is a group gift.
It is a gift so not declared on taxes.
It's divided between teacher and TA, both of whom are dedicated and underpaid for what they do.

You complained to the administration? You have just become "that parent"!

A couple of years ago I was asked by 2 mums (different classes) to join a contribution. I declined, but many did join in. The expensive gifts were a selection of forever living potions and a 200ml bottle of prosecco. They must have gathered at lease £100 in a pretty deprived area. It still makes me very angry!

My dc always loved choosing a little present and writing a card for their teacher/ta.
Seems a bit soulless to me.

Our school has a 100% ban on teacher gifts. It’s great! We love and appreciate our teachers. Some of us quietly make supplies donations. But that is it. The first year I had to finish for Christmas early and brought chocolates for the teachers as the memo to new parents hadn’t gone out yet and I got formally told that teacher gifts are not permitted. I was delighted!

I’m a former teacher. I used to work with one teacher who had quite a cold personality and she used to say that she wished the parents of the kids in her class would have a whip round and buy her vouchers for Christmas instead of tat. But I used to love opening the bubble bath and the wine and the 10 boxes of Ferrero Rocher. Surely the gifts are supposed to be little tokens of appreciation, not one big ostentatious gift?

YANBU not to contribute to the whip round. The other parents ANBU to contribute. They would BU to make you feel bad for not giving anything, that's your choice. I agree with all your reasons for not, but in your position I would probably give £10 and help DD to also make a card or something personal to thank the teacher. The teacher may use the money to buy things for the school, it's up to them.

Stand your ground. A hand-done card is fine. £10 is more than I’d spend on a present for my family members.