To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

Jesus wept YANBU!! We are doing a whip round of £10 total each for the teacher and TA, or whatever people want to give and (I feel this is relevant) mine go to private school so plenty of well off parents but not daft enough to chuck £20 each at the teacher!

I think YANBU, £300-600 seems an insane amount of money to receive, and I think I’d struggle to accept a gift like that. But the premise seems great for making everything easier. Surely like £2-5 would be a fairer ask and if people wanted to be showy they could put their £20’s in.

My DD’s school doesn’t have anything like this, if there’s a WhatsApp group then noone wants me in it

She’s in Year 1 and her teachers been great but I wouldn’t want to get a Best Teacher mug as a gift or anything that would be headed for the bin! (and I can’t bake). Can any of the teachers on here suggest what they’d like to receive? (Teacher is male if it matters). Vouchers for a stationary store?

You're not BU that they shouldn't pressure you, but "I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something" - my MIL is a retired teacher and she has cupboards full of World's Greatest Teacher mugs and cross-stitch and crap and has thrown away all those little handmade drawings and things because really, you teach for 20 years and who has space to keep it all? Cash really is the best gift and I know she would have preferred it, even if she never would have said so. She doesn't drink at all and would have hated getting wine, and would have been bemused by scented candles etc. But they shouldn't be pressuring people about it.

YANBU. 300 for a teacher gift. No way!

Teachers at our school would not be allowed to accept that, as there's a limit on cash value of gifts, to avoid bribery etc.

£300 for a teacher gift?! That’s ridiculous.

And to the PP saying teachers are paid a pittance!! No they are not!

You can just opt out and buy your own gift or no gift.

Never experienced this in 15 years of being a primary school parent.

If I was asked to do this I would say no and SC would give the teacher a token gift of their choice as usual.

*DC

It’s all well and good that £10 is ‘nothing really’ but times by 2+ children, add some Secret Santa stuff, a few activity leaders (Cubs Brownies, what have you), a couple of other miscellaneous presents (breakfast club or after school supervisors, headteacher & office staff), Christmas cards for your child to ‘practise their handwriting’ 30 times over for the whole class x2+, some raffle donations and PTA dress-down days... a tenner starts to feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back.

We stick at £3-4 for a class contribution. Still works out as £30-50 per teacher or TA in gift vouchers, which is loads if you ask me.

Please don't bake! Every teacher I knows does not like to eat home baked stuff.

Don't buy mugs, ornaments, plants ...

Chocolate, wine, gin are a winner. One boy in my form always buys me a tracklement set with cranberry sauce, pickle and chilli jam and it's fab.

That outrageous- for a number of reasons. The Head should step in. Parents/carer should not feel pressured- this is bullying.
Is this going to be expected every Christmas and the end of year? If a gift is expected it becomes less of a gift and more of an additional income. Precious, bloody cliquey parents. Tell 'em to get stuffed, teachers have wage.

I always love a card with a message. I have kept them all

Our school has a $10 per child limit, but tbh nobody observes it. We contribute both to the class teacher gift, and I always get the teachers good wine and chocolates individually from us.

I retired from teaching about 10 years ago. A sixth form college. I think I received two gifts in over 20 years !!.the whole gift scenario sounds totally ridiculous. A card is sufficient. Sounds like another imported American thing to me !!

The nice thing about the collection is the teacher doesn’t know that one kid brought 20 and another brought 1. The organizing parent should make it clear that the suggestion is only a suggestion and people should give the amount they can co for table afford. They give a suggestion because otherwise some people don’t know how much is appropriate.

Our class doesn’t do a collection, so I’ll be gifting the teacher a voucher someplace she can either buy household stuff for herself or classroom supplies if so inclined. It feels less odd than cash and I know she does her basic shop there every week because I constantly run into her there. I figure if we give her a voucher someplace she already shops, that frees up cash for her to do something fun

I think you should stand your ground, not contribute & do your own thing. You really won't be the only one who wants to back out of this. Don't let the other parents force you to do something you don't want to.

I don't think it crass to suggest that dc's teacher and TA might get a fiver for their Christmas gift.
It means they could get something decent for themselves or their class room.
It isn't like a bottle of wine is going to be cheaper.

If people don't have the money they shouldn't be shamed by not contributing but for many people this is an easy solution.

I'm in a similar position now only the teacher is leaving. We've not long done the £10 chip in for july's presents!
I'm on mat leave and only on SMP. I'm over my head in my overdraft and worrying about Xmas.
I've ignored the WhatsApp group but internally I'm caving in.
I wanted my LO (6) to make her a card and write in it herself- is this shit?
I feel so bad that the parent on the group will end up getting all the kids to sign this gifting card but mine

A good teacher is worth way more than $20. We just moved from a school where we had really shitty teachers, the teacher we have now is amazing, so caring, yes I know her job it to teach my child but the love and care she gives all the children is not part of the job description, that is what I will be thanking her for.

To be honest I think the type of parents to have a bitch will be doing that now anyway given you’ve put up a bit of resistance to it on the what’s app. So I’d either stick to my guns and accept I might not be too popular amongst other parents or fake a change of heart and give graciously.

My friend is a teacher and she regularly spends her own money buying supplies for the class. The school can't afford to buy it due to budget cuts nevermind pay her expenses. So she put up a sign on the class window asking for stationery supplies/vouchers for Hobby craft/ WHSmiths instead of chocolates etc. Most of the parents were obliging and got her stuff she'd asked for.

Donations should be anonymous - no set amount so people can put in £1 or £10 if they want to!

Tell them you're doing your own thing. End of.
It's proper wrong to have people tell you what to do. Even if they are just a class rep with little else to spend their money on.
Don't buy into it OP.

I just give a bottle of wine. Job done