To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

The best presents i ever had from any of the children in my class throught the years were cards they had made themselves. I still have ever single one i was ever given. Every year i choose a year ( this year the class of 2003) and display those cards on the dining room sideboard. The mugs, photo frames and other "best teacher" presents have long gone.

cherry - interesting. Lots of Muslim pupils at my DC school. No Muslim teacher. Perhaps about a third of Muslim pupils might join in with Christmas stuff. The rest wouldn’t.

I don't think it's morally wrong to chip in £20 if you want to byt it's very wrong to pressure families who may not he able to afford that.

DDs always gave a card they had written with a Freddo frog in it. At the time could not afford a fiver (each!)

I'm a teacher.

Yadnbu.

The whole thing has got completely out of control and puts the kids who don't bring anything in a very awkward situation.

I don't know what's worse, the substantial fantastic gifts or the millions of pound gifts that get shovelled around.

Kind, especially unexpected, words in a card or even reading record are by far the best treat.

I don’t think £10 for the teacher and the TA is excessive at all, it’s just the cost of 2 cheap bottles of wine and I think the teacher and TA would probably prefer it to X boxes of chocolates/best teacher mugs/toiletries. If you can’t afford it then do not feel bad at all, no teacher would want you to stretch yourself financially to buy them a gift. It does sound a bit more like you just don’t want to though (which is fine!), but in which case you can’t really complain about feeling isolated?

And in answer to another question, bribery policies vary massively from school to school. I’m generally not allowed to accept a gift worth over £50, my boyfriend can accept a gift of pretty much any value but he has to declare it if it’s over £50. As this is a class gift and can’t really align with bribery I imagine it would be fine for most schools.

You're not being unreasonable. I've felt coerced into giving £10 when I really didn't want to. I get it's for a good reason but I didn't like it.

I now cap gifts at £5 and mainly just stick with food items and just chocolate.

I can’t believe you emailed the school though... just because others wanted to make a more expensive gift than you

I like giving ten pounds to a collection. My ds wants to give something to his teacher to thank her and because she is important to him and it makes my life easier. He usually also draws a picture. In his school its contribute what you want so some people do a couple of quid, some more.

You dont have to contribute though.

Someone tried to drag me into this 'present' thing. Once. I simply said, 'sorry but no'.
But generally I don't mind being a social outcast.

I think for the sake of a tenner I would do it .By the time you have got your child to make/buy something ,plus card ,wrap ,aggro ! it seems like a very good deal to me .You are correct that the Teacher is "only doing her job" but that job includes 30 young children ,getting them to sit down ,and start to learn to read/write /add up .Often young children have "accidents", miss Mummy and Daddy and so on .Its just a token of appreciation really.Also Poor Teacher would probably end up with stacks of Mugs/Bath Oils/Dairy Box/Quality Street! This way she /He can have a nice gift/token to buy something she may have wanted for a long time .They are not paid megabucks and although not poor have a job that probably goes home with them.BTW am not a Teacher!(Although Cousin is )

Change schools, if this is not possible, just chip in a tenner.

We always have a class collection but we only put £5 in

In my experience, this is pretty standard. And a tenner, when split between a teacher and a TA would be £150 each. So - a case of wine, some premium toiletries, maybe a handbag. It isn’t OTT for a group gift from 30 in lieu of umpteen “best teacher” mugs and boxes of Milk Tray. So to call it “morally wrong” and to email the school is utterly bonkers. If you don’t wish to contribute, however, that’s clearly entirely up to you and you shouldn’t be named and shamed (as happened quite horrifically on our class WhatsApp group recently!). It’s an optional exercise...

We have a cap of 26 pounds (converted it from our to your currency) per family per year for teachers gift. Anything else they need to declare to school and it's the schools decision whether it can be accepted or not. Same for state and private schools in my area.

Luckily our end of year coincides with Xmas so we don't have the dilemma of how to split it, just one end of year gift. Never known anyone not to throw in, so much easier than thinking of a thoughtful gift as opposed to a box of chocs. Generally the class rep gets a few broad gift cards (the type that cover many options) to the equivalent of your 750 pounds. I wouldn't complain if a teacher spent the whole lot on alcohol. Understand they get paid for their job but not nearly enough for the shit they put up with from both kids and parents so hopefully this just goes a small way to say thanks.

It's fine to do your own thing, but it was a bit harsh asking the school to cap the gift the teacher receives - noone should feel pressured, the parent who suggested an amount was wrong to do that, but equally it's not nice to try and limit a gift others wish to give because you're jealous.

I was a teacher for many years and when I was in primary, several children offered a small gift. One I remember was a nicely shaped stone, painted by the child, to use as a paperweight. Or a card with heartfelt thanks

I think most teachers would be happy with a card, a letter of thanks to the head, or a personal thank you.

It smacks somewhat of parents trying to ensure their child has favourable treatment because they’ve chipped in cash. Teachers do get paid for the job. Most of them go above and beyond, but would just be happy for that to be acknowledged. Then again, I tip the hairdresser.

I think I’d go with it on this occasion, but try to change the culture for the future.

For the parents who are able and have spare cash, do they regularly (I.e. not just xmas) check with the teacher that there are enough classroom supplies or anything they need? The teacher really shouldn't be having to fork out for these.

When did this mad nonsense of teacher presents begin? I'm 45 and the only time either at primary or secondary there was a whip round was when a teacher was retiring or leaving school. I know loads of teachers and every single one says they hate getting presents at the end of each term, which is what seems to happen, and kept ending up with cupboards full of chocolates and wine, most of which got re-gifted. All of them have repeatedly asked not to receive presents but (at primary level) ask parents to perhaps donate money to the school for equipment.

Our (small private) school does a collection. Its £7 per child - for 2 teachers and 3 TAs, just under 30 kids.
Its a private school, so by definition with fairly affluent parents (but not super rich, most people are seriously cutting down to afford fees), so £20 for a state school with a mixed demographic is pretty extreme!

At my DC's school we do a collection for teachers and TAs at Christmas and end of term but it's £5 each. On one had I'm happy that I don't have to think too much about it and can just had over my cash but on the other hand I work in HE Governance and anti-bribery policies and gifts and hospitality registers are one of my 'things' I try not to bore other parents with the rules and regs though.

This was done throughout my DDs primary years - very affluent area, class rep organised a voluntary contribution of £2 -£3. Money was split between teacher and any TAs.
Its a gesture, anything more gets ridiculous!!!

I always just did a card at Christmas, with a note about why I appreciated the teacher or TA. Then, first week back after Christmas, I delivered a box of goodies to the staff room. A sugar hit to help survive the first week, when no other cakes or biscuits would be in yet.

YANBU. I'd just do a homemade card and if they really are an exceptional teacher a tin of biscuits or a selection box.

No collections at dd's school I used to send in a couple of boxes of biscuits for the staff room a week before they broke up though and dd made cards.