To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

I am a teacher and would be mortified if any parent felt obliged to contribute to any kind of gift for me. I teach in a deprived area and expect nothing from my class although I do get some lovely cards and bits and pieces but nothing worth more than about £5. It sounds trite, but the best gifts genuinely are a card with a thoughtful message or a handmade gift that the child has obviously wanted to make themselves. I have to say whiteboard pens would also be a great gift as I have to buy most of them out of my own money. I never say no to a bottle of wine either of course.

Was a fiver when mine were in primary. They are in their 20s now. Saved me time and the teacher and ta got something worthwile.

I always contribute towards the class gift, usually £10. It's more laziness on my part than anything so if you have a gift idea for yourself I'd go for it.

For the sake of a 10/20 for an entire year just pay it. You just outed yourself as really petty and miserable. yes it adds up to alot but your contribution on it's own is just a tiny amount.

For one parent a tenner is nothing. For another it’s food for several days. You should not be being told to contribute. Your financial circumstances are immaterial.

The school year in Australia runs late Jan/early Feb to late Nov/early Dec, depending on where you live and public or private schools, so your Christmas gift is also your teacher thank you gift.

We do compulsory (it’s says voluntary, but it’s basically expected and I’ve not seen one parent not pay yet) $20 per child (about £10), however most give more. I give $50 (£25) per child and then my children each buy their own gift for the teacher and my husband and I give a gift also (as I can’t allow my 9 year olds to give a bottle of scotch yet). A few families do this too, but some are happy to just do the class present. Because so much money is collected, we can buy the teacher an experience or weekend away. Last year we paid for a Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb, the year before a voucher for an accommodation website which paid for a weekend away, another time a dining voucher for a top restaurant. We also have the children write a one page letter to the teacher saying what they enjoyed about the year (usually two or three lines and a drawing) which is made into a book for the teacher to keep.

We also buy teacher birthday presents as a class, also at the $20 (£10) rate, but I usually only pay $20 for birthday.

You should do what you think is right, however if you are the only one in the class not contributing and you can afford to, I suggest you contribute.

It’s really hard. I never thought at my age I would experience peer pressure again!!! Some mums have no concept of affordability, they plunge straight in and the sad thing is a decent teacher would never expect extravagance like this. In fact donations of whiteboard markers would probably make them ecstatic because they need them. I’d say you’re doing you’re own thing and get your child to make a card! I’m that one parent who is usually in the minority and can be hard but I’ve nearly lasted primary school!!!! YANBU it’s just it can be a railroad because no one wants to say no feeling inadequate or difficult.

I am a regular at charity shops and always amazed at the number of thank you/best teacher mugs, teddy bear and all kind of unwrapped gifts I see in there. Glue sounds great, or chocolate, teachers surely need it.

Teacher of 30 years here. I've only worked in schools in deprived areas, so this would never be a thing. I love it when I get a hand made card as it shows the child / parent has really thought of me. I also love a teacher mug, but these days a travel mug or water bottle would be better. I've got a few tree decorations that children have bought me over the years and they always go in the class Christmas tree. I love getting boxes of chocs and bottles of wine, which I indulge in over the holidays!
I wold be absolutely mortified if the situation described by the OP happened! Even more so if I thought parents were being pressurised into contributing.
I know friends who work in more affluent areas, and we always have a chuckle at the gifts they get compared to me. Things like Jo Malone candles, Pandora jewellery, expensive fizz and chocolates. One teacher I knew a while ago used to write up a Christmas list in class so children could choose what to buy him! Believe me, there were no cut price Aldi bargains on his list! -he did get hauled over the coals for doing this when he moved schools-
So no, YANBU. Just get a nice card, even better a hand made one, and a token bottle of wine to show your appreciation.

It would be wrong to pressure you to contribute but they didn't did they?

The class rep sent a message out asking if people wanted to do this, and other parents said yes because they were, presumably, happy to pay £10 and could afford to.

I do think £10 for teacher and TA is a fair amount. It's £5 each and you would struggle to buy a bottle of wine or box of half-decent chocolates for that. It saves you time and effort, and gives the staff a really great gift.

But you didn't want to, and said so, and there didn't seem to be any negative consequences or repercussions from that. You wanted to opt out, and did.

But while that should've been the end of it, you have gone to the trouble of emailing the school about it, making your objections clear. Maybe you have also grumbled about this to other parents? That is why you're feeling isolated. Not because you opted out but because you're trying to influence what other people choose to do and undermine a nice gesture.

I would like the schools to say no to present buying, if you had more than 1 child in the school it puts unnecessary pressure on parents and the children .I would expect the teachers to say no tbh...

I’m a teacher and we get chastised for using too much printer paper so I’d prefer stationary and paper tbh .

£300-600 is bonkers. Christmas presents for teachers have never been a thing, end of year sure but not Christmas.

People do their own thing for Christmas generally, but we have a collection at the end of the school year.

"It puts unnecessary pressure on parents and the children ."

What, bring asked if you'd like to, with the option of saying yes please or no thanks?

I don't know how people get through life, if they haven't got enough backbone to say no.

It's a request not a court order.

That’s only a fiver each for the teacher and the TA. I don’t think that’s excessive at all. it’s the price of a tin of Roses.

I suppose if it is really a decent London Primary you could regard it as saving the £15,990 a year you would have to spend on a prep school if your DC had not been awarded a place there. Having said that, prep class presents are, or were, ridiculous when I was paying the fees.

As a teacher I was quite contented with not getting presents from my not very well off pupils but as a parent I was most amused at what my DC’s teacher’s received. Once I sat in my car in their school car park with tears of laughter watching two mothers struggling under the burden of lifting a tree in a giant pot. When a very well liked teacher left they bought her a Rolex.

You have different views and therefore took a different stand from the rest so ofc course you isolated yourself on the issue. But how is it a problem? I would have done just the same, to me present is at the end of the year, I'd probably encourage my child to make a drawing or merry Christmas card to his teacher, maybe even get her a little box of chocolate, depending on how I feel at the moment. And that's it. But that is me. My choices. Others can do as they very well please. I'd certainly not care about pressure ( which it seems you haven't even received here).

I think its weird you talk about tipping going out and some on MN seemed shocked if you dont give the wait staff a 500% tip and say you shouldnt go out if you cant afford it, but teachers who are also overworked and underpaid are begrudged a £5-£10 "tip" twice a year. I know MN isnt one hive mind before someone says it but theres still a similar narrative on many threads about the same topics

I really wish this whole presents to teachers/staff would get banned. It's usually a vanity exercise for the person organising, and quite often does use shame to "encourage" parents to give money. Teachers would be horrified if parents were going short in order to give money to their collection.

I agree with the op. In my job every gift over £10 has to be declared (even expensive chocolates) and gifts of £300 twice a year would certainly be looked at.

The reality is schools are struggling. Imagine how that £300 would benefit the class? More stationery or books?

Op you could give a small stationery hamper or donate books for the library as a gift?

I don't give teachers Christmas presents as it's a stressful enough time of year. But I write thank you cards at the end of term, with details of things they have done over the year that have helped my child. Showing appreciation doesn't need to cost money.

I honestly don’t understand this obsession with buying teachers presents. My kids aren’t that old, and I literally never got their teachers a Christmas present. Why would I? From what I saw at drop off and pick up, no one else did either.

No one needs £150/£300/£600 worth of gifts. It’s literally obscene. You are talking about an adult with a salaried job; whether you think teachers are paid enough is something to lobby your MP for, not try and make up their wages at Christmas. That £600 would make a huge difference to a food bank, homeless shelter or other community project - even in those lovely affluent suburbs, there are people in far greater need than a teacher!

I have nothing at all against teachers by the way, my mother, two aunts, two uncles, cousin and BIL are all teachers and I have the greatest respect for the profession. I don’t think for a minute that teachers themselves are encouraging these ridiculous displays of spending. OP, I think you are absolutely right to say no and stick to your guns. Anyone who thinks less of you or your child over something like this is beyond ridiculous.

I don’t have any problem with contributing at the end of year but actually do have a problem at Christmas .... I consider it entirely unnecessary and generally a perfect example of competitive parenting. We have an envelope that appears in the school bag which contains stickers for the child to sign and put in the card. If you don’t send them back you will be hounded... I’m addition another envelope will appear ( mine was addressed to “ Childs Names Mummy” even though they fucking know both our names... obviously it’s a Mummy job) I didn’t engage just on the basis of how pushy the class rep was.. it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the teacher it just means we prefer to do
our own thing. At the end of year we probably raise more than £300 easily in the class collection. In the first year they bought the teacher tea for two at the Ritz plus vouchers and flowers. I will usually get my DD to write a card explaining what they have enjoyed about the year and a little gift. My sister is a reception teacher in a different area and gets little gifts at the end of the year like a box of chocolates or home made honey or jam and she is in no way snotty about any of this. She’s is stunned in a incredulous way by the OTT posturing of the parents at my place.

I am happy to give to a group present and usually give some alcohol at Christmas and end of year.

Always made me roll my eyes when at primary the teacher had all the gifts arranged on a table when you came to collect the children to take them home on the last day before Christmas

My sons school do this at the end of year I actually didnt as we bought our own presents and spent more than £10. I buy christmas presents as well and spend more than £5 each. I think it's fine and you are over thinking it I'm surprised you actually emailed the school over it. You dont agree with it or want to contribute which is fine but I would keep conplaing about it to other parents and arguing about it on the class group.

I must be the scroogiest grinch n the planet, I have never ever bought a teacher a Christmas present in the 11 years I have been a school parent. And I certainly wouldn’t be contributing £20 to a class gift.

I have enough family and friends to buy for and Christmas is a pretty stressful time already without adding more people to it.

Can’t say we have ever had teachers that go “above and beyond” their regular job description though. In fact, two of them have been bloody awful, heartless, evil cunts. I can’t imagine buying a gift for someone I disliked so much.

If my kids want to they can give them a card with a special message or whatever.

I’d ignore the group chat and just do your own thing if you want OP. I loathe the assholes who say “it’s only £20!”. Privilege at its finest.

Another Aus parent here who preferred contributing to the class collection as it meant teachers got something decent, our school always did vouchers and teachers were really happy. It was perfectly acceptable to say "I'll do my own thing, thanks" and some parents would do both. End of year/Christmas falling at the same time is obviously a plus. Do what you want but I think e-mailing the school is way OTT and talking about declaring gifts makes you sound like a misery.