To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

Yes it’s a horrible trend in society - if I don’t agree with something, it must therefore be immoral and be banned. As if there is only one correct way to think.

I dread to think what my old employers have spent on Christmas parties over the years.

People should be able to contribute as much or as little as they choose. I don't know why it has to be proscriptive.

Definitely a bossiness amongst some new parents - don’t want to join don’t but to try to shut down for everyone - very arrogant and high handed.

I think that is really nice thing to do. Better that than the teacher getting 30 x scented candles or boxes of quality street! Teachers go above and beyond on a daily basis. £10 at the end of the long autumn term to say thanks is reasonable and will make the teacher feel really appreciated (trust me, by Christmas they are on their knees).

I'm a secondary teacher and we get eff all!

One year I received tokens from a form class valved at about 300. I was leaving after 15 years. I absolutely did not expect it nor did I feel guilty. It was for a specific hobby I had and was greatly valued. I also got many many cards and thank yous. I give every
public service worker a tenner tip at Christmas. I can afford it. I certainly wouldn't expect others to do likewise but the thoughts of complaining to any management about their employees gifts is ludicrous. Many recently qualifed teachers are on a tight budget. Let people, who want to, gift them. It's the usual mumsnet furore over teachers.

Late to the thread I know...
I can see both sides. As a teacher I really, truly appreciate any gift. I love a handwritten card and have kept any over the years. But I was overwhelmed when I got a collection and went and bought new boots that I couldn't have otherwise afforded. I'm not a fan of wine or chocs but then it saves me using my own money when they are regifted. We've loved it when there have been staff room gifts like tea bags, coffee and biscuits - saves us a fortune!
We had a parent complain and then the authority issued the same advice to all schools that things over £20 need declaring. Parents were informed of this but some class collections got round it by buying a few £20 vouchers for the same shop with a few children's names on each one. Collections are split between main teacher, teacher who covers for ppa, learning assistants and sometimes office staff too. So in reality probably a maximum gift for one person of £70.
As a parent I felt like a collection was a cop out with very little thought,but I know how appreciated the collection is. I only put in what I felt was appropriate and when it was a year that the teacher was as good as a chocolate teapot, I didn't contribute. I know my name never went on the card but I didn't care. I've always sent a small individual gift too.
However, If you really want to say thank you then please email the headteacher and chair of governors!

Do you really only have 1 TA for a class of 30?

Anyway we do this, I don’t see why the teachers and TAs shouldn’t have something nice for Christmas. I would spend well in excess of £20 for individual presents (at nursery it would easily cost £60) so I’m saving money

@Passthecherrycoke we don't even have one a lot of the time. 1 teacher, 30 children!

Blimey. There are 4 in our reception class! (Sadly means they don’t get as much money each for the collection though lol)

4 in one class ? Are they 1:1 for specific children?

Endoftether2000 Wed 20-Nov-19 21:02:03

I am laughing at GMom and Maths anxiety posts they are part of the herd be the Shepherd lady be that Shepherd, parents today are worse than peers in the playground

Here is my own experience of appreciating teachers:

I went to a private, fee-paying all-girls primary in an affluent area of Dublin. The day we broke up for the Christmas holiday everyone brought their teacher a gift. Gifts ranged from packets of notecards (my mum's go-to impersonal gift) or scented soaps to Waterford glass, bottles of champagne, etc. I know what the gifts tended to be because the teachers unwrapped them right there in the classroom and thanked each child.

They used to have carloads of stuff to schlep home. I am sure a lot of it went straight to the bin and a lot was probably regifted.

When my own DCs went to school (in the US) the teacher appreciation was handled very differently. When DD1 first started in the school there was a tradition of sending an individual gift to each teacher at Christmas. It was a PITA for everyone concerned. However, teachers felt they would look presumptuous if they asked people not to send a gift. They also felt awkward asking families not to send a gift if previous children from the same family had sent a gift - it would look as if the gifts of previous years had not been appreciated.

The PTO solved the problem by organising a whip around with a suggested donation of $5 per child with a note emphasising that every contribution was welcome and nobody should feel obliged to contribute. I had five DCs, but at most three at any one time in school. I sent $5 - $15 every year.

I suspect others gave far more than me because the amount each staff member got was in excess of what could be expected if the maths reflected just $5 per child. It's also likely that some didn't contribute for whatever reason.

I contributed because it seemed very fair, far better than what was done at the school I attended, and it saved me time and effort and also a good deal of money which I might otherwise have spent on a small token of appreciation x 3. After that first Christmas gift hunting expedition with DD1, DS and DD2 in tow I was ready for a stiff drink or two who am I kidding, it was half a bottle.

The entire amount from the whole school was divided into equal amounts for teachers, TAs, school secretary, maintenance man and the daily puke-poo-pee/lunchroom cleanup woman, and given in the form of a Visa gift card with equal value to each one. The school bulletin that first Christmas included a big thank you from the staff for the generosity of parents. Every member of staff had received a gift card for $100. SO much better than a car load of tat. My TA friend used the money that first year to give her mum a half day at a spa (1995 prices). Her mum had been a cleaner all her life and had never had an experience like it.

I don't know why you feel it's laudable to be the contrary person objecting on principle when others commit to organise a well established tradition that clearly needs organising.

To use your own words - the people doing the organising are the 'shepherds'. That is what shepherds do.

And saying you are laughing at people's posts on a public forum is actually very 'peers in the playground', isn't it?

No, the other reception class is staffed the same. Must be lucky!

4 would be exceptionally unusual.

1 teacher & 1TA for 30 is more typical. And with budget cuts that’s not even a given.

At Christmas through primary school my children have chosen a small gift for their teacher and TA. They know their teachers’ favourite chocolate or beverage or that the TA loves pens etc.

Last year they bought pens from Tiger, another year a Terry’s chocolate orange or a tiny box of Lindt chocolates. I once bought a lovely TA a selection box of gin as she spent so much time supporting my autistic son when the teacher just didn’t get him. My children know we don’t have lots of money but they love to give thanks. I think it feels much more personal to them to choose a gift, wrap it and hand it to the teacher. They enjoy seeing the teacher open the gift too. It might be easier to bank transfer the money to someone to sort a gift voucher but my DC wouldn’t be involved in that process at all.

As a nurse we can’t receive individual gifts so if a patient or relative wish to give a gift I just tell them that tea bags, coffee or biscuits are always gratefully received.

I taught for over 35 years and received many little gifts from children in my class. Children get really excited about giving their teachers a card or present but taking that joy away from them by having a cash collection via parents seems very cold and calculated. It’s not necessary to spend lots of money on a gift and staff wouldn’t be allowed to keep expensive items in many of the schools I worked in. Stick to your guns, let your child choose a nice card or make their own and , if you feel like it ,spend whatever YOU want. It’s the thought that counts.

You’re lucky your child isn’t in my child’s school, we give around £50 per head at both Christmas and end of year, plus cake and cards for her birthday."

I think that is ridiculous and inappropriate. Tbh I have never understood this practice of giving gifts to people you don't know simply for doing their job. I accept there are some good teachers out there, and some rubbish ones too. Do you reward everyone who does anything or just those you feel deserving? How much do you reward your Gp, your dentist, the person who serves you in Burger King, petrol station attendants? How do you decide who is worthy? Honestly I've never read such nonsense. We have on occasion (rare) given a small gift and a note of thanks to one or two teachers over the years who have gone above and beyond , but this is ridiculous. Give something if you want to but if anyone ever pressured me into something like this they'd get a lecture from.me.

Do you reward everyone who does anything or just those you feel deserving? How much do you reward your Gp, your dentist, the person who serves you in Burger King, petrol station attendants? How do you decide who is worthy?

If a dentist spent the best hours of five days a week for most of the year on teaching essential skills to my child and often working hours overtime and being paid less than they're worth then I would probably give her a thank-you gift at the end of the year.

@chrisbarker344 you sound really tight. I know you’ll deny it but only right people resent others getting gifts they haven’t even bought

Tight not right but good auto correct

I think that is ridiculous and inappropriate

What makes it inappropriate, if it’s freely give and affordable?

if anyone ever pressured me into something like this they'd get a lecture from.me.

Absolutely, no one should be pressuring you.

But equally, you shouldn’t be attempting to police what others do be calling it inappropriate and ridiculous.

As a teaching assistant all I would like is a genuine heartfelt thank you, and if the kids made me a card I would treasure it.
I hate the thought of parents being pressured into collections
Oh and at our school lavish gifts are out of the question not because we are in a poor area (it’s actually a private school), but because all gifts over a £30 have to be declared to the headmistress and she makes it clear she disapproves. I like that rule.

I'm not attempting to police anything. I am simply giving my opinion.

It's their job.

I'm not attempting to police anything. I am simply giving my opinion.

Telling people it’s inappropriate is attempting to police.

Lots of people get gifts/tips/bonuses for doing their job at Christmas. It’s hardly unique to teachers.

lits of people get gifts / tips/bonuses for doing their jobs at Christmas

Yes but those don’t usually involve some bossy boots deciding how much money other people have to contribute. That’s the aspect of it that I find unsavoury.