To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

@Judemahmoodid

I wouldn't expect an apology from you. You sound blissed out.
It must be lovely for you there in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

I'm just going to put my pennys worth in here.
I used to work as a TA in a primary/junior school.
We got gifts at christmas and at the end of the school year.
I would be embarrassed to have had that much money tbh.
My favourite two gifts were a key ring which said "best teacher" on it and a picture a child in the SEN class drew for me that she did totally on her own. It actually made me cry.
All the teachers were talking about their gifts in the staff room and whilst, yes, mugs are not the best gift lol, anything personal to the teacher was appreciated a lot more than anything else. None of the teachers in any of the classes got money or gift vouchers.

I've been laughing at this so much, my daughter is a year 6 teacher in a very deprived area o east London. The gifts she gets are often hysterically funny and I look forward to her bringing them home for the giggles we have.A huge photograph of one child and his mother in a frame comes to mind obviously that's in pride of place in her bedroom.!,
Like others have said she spends some of her own money on things for the children some are treat style things like raffle prizes to encourage reading, others are necessary supplies. All my Xmas lights got taken to make a reading area last year 😦
She's saving to buy her own place and although she'd never say it I think even if the parents put £1 each in it would at least contribute towards her costs. And they seem to spend more than that on crazy things.
The reality here is the baked things go in the bin the mugs etc go to the charity shop - a verbal thankyou would be so much better than buying more pieces of tat that just end up in the bin
Not her view just mine maybe when she has her own place she'll enjoy cluttering it up with random stuff

Just chip in a couple of quid it's surely a donation it's the thought that counts!
Honestly people talk about teachers like they're martyrs - no other job gives ridiculously generous presents. This all gets out of hand what are they royalty?!

The worst gift I ever got was from the child of another teacher, she didn't even bother to rub out her own name and the name of the child who gave it to her on the card. She probably hadn't noticed it.

Not that I expected anything at all but that was worse than nothing.

OP perhaps you could also find out whatevery one in your neighbourhood gives the post/dust person at Christmas? Then you could complain to their employer that as public servants they have no right to accept gifts from the public, the corruption this could enable.

Or you could just not contribute to the teachers present ( it is a choice)? Or is it only teachers' willingly given, unasked for presents that you object too?

When I said £10 is not too much that was of course talking about my situation. I also said if it’s too much opt out. Nowhere did I say it’s not a lot for anyone.
Everyone’s situation is different, so there should be flexibility in whether to opt out or must everyone go for the least?

In short, give what you want! Really doesn’t matter!

no other job gives ridiculously generous presents.

That’s not true.

I work in the private sector and I get a very generous present from my employer. We also give generous presents to clients.

Lots of people get tips at Christmas, it’s not at all unusual.

It is in the public sector

£10 to £20 isn't normal here, we give £5 per child at Christmas and the end of the school year, and that does the teacher and 2 x TA usually. That equates to a gift of about £50 for the teacher, and £30 each for the TAs, and some left over for cards/wrap etc I don't personally think there's any need for anymore than that, it's a gesture, to say thanks, it shouldn't be a financial burden to families who can't afford it, and don't want to be seen to not be able to afford it. There's enough pressure at Christmas without teacher presents becoming another one.

My cleaner (a friend) gets expensive tips from all her clients and double pay is standard.
Most private businesses pay their employees for parties etc. Teachers pay for their own. I’m not complaining about that by the way but it’s incorrect to say other jobs don’t have their gifts/perks/bonuses.

It is in the public sector

Well I know that. The comment I responded to said this doesn’t happen in ‘any other job’. That’s not true.

It’s not unusual to tip public sectors workers at Christmas either.

I'm still reading these posts and amazed at how much people think is ok to spend on teachers...
We all appreciate the hard work our teachers do for our children daily...I mean they do spend more time with them,than us parents....
But it's so true regarding if you don't agree to this contribution then the mums that are in that group will probably look down on the ones that don't agree....why can't we be honest and say...I can't bloody afford it...that's why I'm not putting that amount in...

I’m a teacher and I think I’d feel really uncomfortable receiving such a large sum as a gift from parents. At my school it would be something I’d have to declare.
It’s a very thoughtful, kind idea but just seems a bit much. I never expect gifts from families. I think Christmas is an expensive time for families and this is just another expense.

It sounds like you’re in a tricky position. I echo the thoughts of the other teachers posting about needing resources for the classroom. Could you suggest the money is put towards that? At least then the children will be benefiting too and I bet the teacher will be grateful.

I feel instinctively generous towards teachers at Christmas, but I always worry that I'm going to put them in an awkward position and in my view the usual gifts are all a bit shit (chocolates, candles, the terrible Stella and Dot years....)

I've always though the class collection was a bit weird and I'm opting out this year. As it happens, I'm class rep for my youngest and the parents seem to agree .

How the actual fuck is a parent arranging a whip round the teachers fault?
Schools should have a party line on this.

Why does the teacher deserve this abuse?
Er - what "abuse?"

Someone said it doesn't affect the children. It does if you're pressured (and believe me in some places there is some pressure, polite declining doesn't cut it) to spend money you'd otherwise spend on things that are needed. Alongside Xmas jumper day, charity donations, Xmas fair (not getting out of that spending less than £20 round here). Many people can't afford it. And schools should take a line to discourage it, therefore.

We didn’t have WhatsApp groups when my older 2 were in primary and I won’t be joining one when my youngest starts!

I cannot see any benefit to insisting a teacher receives an array of small gifts rather than the means to buy one larger gift of their choice.
I suppose the school could ban teachers receiving any gifts at all but this seems very intrusive and teaching dc to give as well as receive is important.
People shouldn't be shaming people either for not giving, giving or accepting gifts. These are decisions that the adults should be able to make judgement free from others.

I actually think a collection is a good idea but the amount should be entirely up individual parents to decide according to their own budget. To ask for £10 each is unfair.

teaching dc to give as well as receive is important but the parents give the money/presents, not the kids, unless they make or draw something. And can't the kids learn that lesson in their own families or with friends?

@havingtochangeusernameagain
Dc can practice giving anywhere but teachers seems a sensible area as they spend so much time with them.
I'm not interested in insisting people should gift teachers, I just think that people who don't want to do it shouldn't try and prevent others from doing so.
If people don't want to get involved they absolutely shouldn't and should not be pressured in any way to do so.

I am also a little amused at the shock some people have at the amount that 27x5 would be.

Maybe if people think that is too much money they should direct their ire onto class sizes. Smaller class sizes would mean lower monetary gift cards. A swap that I'm sure teachers would accept.

I just think that people who don't want to do it shouldn't try and prevent others from doing so.

This. I find there are a lot of highly controlling people out there.