To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

I am so laughing I agree with you lollapoloser, in business buying presents is seen as bribery and a big no no. I am unsure why it is different for public sector. Regarding the comment about salaries when looking at the salary expenditure of our local school all be it a village school the average salary will outweigh the salary of most of the parents especially when you factor in the amount of class preparation time they have during school time (in one year of my child's primary education it was a day and a half and often more) and the children are taught by the teaching assistant (who is on considerably less) which is questionable when you realise your youngest child is doing the same as what your eldest child did 10 years earlier so unsure what they are preparing other than copies of the same work sheets that were used for the last 10years 😂 I cannot recall my teachers being bought or expecting Xmas gifts but I was a 80s child. In my mind this gift giving has been escalated somewhere by parents no doubt in more affluent London that believe by sweetening the teacher it will make their child have preferential treatment what is even funnier is all the parents that buy into it as thas says in Yorkshire don't be a sheep be the Shepherd 😂😅🤣

I hate buying teachers gifts and don’t do it anymore but if money is being put in it should be £1 per child. Any more is just ridiculous.

I have bought DS2s teachers bottles of gin for Christmas. He is doing A levels so not many teachers to buy for. Also they have been amazing with him.
If he was at private school we would be forking out at least £1300 per month and the standard of teaching he is currently receiving in his ordinary comp is above and beyond the standards at our local private school.
We are very grateful.
I do think to ask the whole class to contribute to a group gift is quite crass though. No one knows the financial situation of those families.

£10 between ta and teacher is not much, just do it

£20 per child seems very steep. At my children's school it's usually £5 per child but sometimes £10 at the end of the year or when the teachers have done a job share.

I felt like you a while back so I told them on the what’s app group I’d do the £10
But I said I’d be giving a gift from my child (usually something we had made like a bought pot plant that my daughter had dl decorated - I know it’s not always the most beautiful thing! But as a primary teacher I love made gifts!!)
But at the same time teachers don’t expect anything!! And shouldn’t!
It’s nice in a way that your cohort appreciate the teachers so very much to spend so much! However it’s not about the money!!

I'm a primary school teacher and honestly, the thing I value the most? A card, written by the child. I've kept every card I've been given since I started teaching.

I would hate for any parent to feel as though they HAD to contribute, and it worries me that parents will, at their detriment. I would rather that £20 they contributed go on their kids, or a bottle of wine or a takeaway for themselves.

I wonder if I would feel differently if I worked in a school with a different catchment area, as mine is a challenging one, but then I think, I used to work in an independent prep, and it wasn't uncommon for gifts to be worth about £50 from individual parents and I remember feeling quite overwhelmed... thankful of course, and I appreciated everything, but I cherish the cards, not the Ted Baker scarf if you get me?!

I can’t even afford to spend a tenner on a family member. I hope no one would look down upon me for not contributing, or worse, suggesting I don’t appreciate the teacher’s hard work. Being broke doesn’t mean you’re oblivious to the efforts of the teacher.

For those suggesting £10 isn’t much, you mean to say that £10 isn’t much to YOU. Don’t judge others by your own circumstances.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery

Ah now come on...

This is something you will need to budget for.

I'm getting the rage at the "it's not much" brigade
how about thinking outside the confines of your own narrow, privileged existence for a moment?

teachers who don't want people to feel pressured - why don't you do something about it and request it stops?

As a teacher, I like a homemade card with a message.
Wine is nice - or chocolates for the staffroom. We usually pool gifts - some teachers like soapy things, others candles, we share out the bottles and weird Knick knacks go to the charity shop.
But no gift is equally fine.

(Agree with Gmom )

I'm annoyed at the teachers who are accepting these gifts.

Surely they can tell how much must have been spent and as the teachers posting here are saying, should put a stop to it as they wouldn't want parents feeling stressed about the money?

Christ, no one I know has ever bought their childs teacher a gift. I didn’t know this was even a thing. When I was at school the teacher never got gifts either, the child who would have brought one in would have been teased mercilessly for being an arse licker or something.

It read all the thread but I don’t see the dilemma. Lots of parents will like being able to contribute to a group present and some parents won’t. Just do what you want and don’t worry about it. I’d have no hesitation in not contributing if I didn’t want to. If you feel you need to discuss it then tell the others you want to sort out your own present. No one should care and if they do then so what.

I wouldn’t give this a moments thought. 🤷🏻‍♀️

*not read the whole of the thread

To be honest it is over the top and not necessary. I'm sure the teacher will be amazed and perhaps a bit baffled /bewildered by it. Knowing most teachers, they dont mind if they don't get presents.

I've organised a couple of these for my kids teachers. I heard another class was doing it and I thought it was a great idea. Having been a teacher, the personal, handmade gifts are amazing, and I've kept them. I've got letters and cards and plants and stuff that I've been given over a couple of decades of teaching. The generic gifts of chocolate, wine and toiletries I didn't appreciate quite as much - don't want to sound ungrateful, because it really is touching to get anything at all, but there's only so much of those things I want over Christmas.

So I thought it was a great idea for the teachers to get a voucher to buy themselves something they really like, or stuff for the classroom, rather than have 30 bottles of wine. I suggested £5, and about half the parents put in. The other half said they wanted to make something personal or they'd already sorted a gift out, which is fair enough. I wouldn't have thought any of the parents except me knew who had or who hadn't put in.

I am laughing at GMom and Maths anxiety posts they are part of the herd be the Shepherd lady be that Shepherd, parents today are worse than peers in the playground and as for voting Labour whose ever post that was I will be grateful for the four day weeks due to power cuts but as most people are probably younger than me they won't know about those lovely labour times 😂😅🤣 I guess at least he looks like a scruffy teacher maybe you can club in and send him a gift 😂😅🤣

@Kolo theres one support teacher who has worked especially hard with my son who has sen and undergoing diagnosis for autism, don't think he'd still be in school if it wasn't for all her help keeping him calm and just thinking now of getting him to decorate a bauble for her tree as a special thankyou for all her support. What do you think?

I’d chip in £3/£4 id only buy a box of choc for them. £10 is a lot especially when people have so much to buy for presents for loads of people/food/wrapping etc I think it’s wrong they’ve put it on a what’s app group so everyone can see who’s replied

Why are you annoyed at a teacher accepting a Christmas present? If you don’t want to give your child’s present, just don’t buy them one. It’s really simple. I wouldn’t treat your child any differently. I have been given home made gifts I’ve treasured, I’ve had people email the head saying they appreciate the extra work I do for the class (always appreciated) and some lovely expensive wine and chocolates. All are welcome, none are expected. I work in an affluent area. No teacher wants any parent to feel pressurised. But again, I would be pissed off with a whip around and been told to....buy glue for my class. That’s the government’s job to properly fund schools. Don’t vote Conservative as they don’t fund schools- certainly not my classroom as I have 33 kids, many with complex needs and a TA mornings only. Buy me a present if you want or don’t, but please vote Labour so my class size will go down, I have a well resourced class and we would not be short staffed.

£5 quite enough. The sum would still be acceptable.

As a teacher, a lovely letter or card to thank me for the ways I have made their child happy, confident and what ever else means far more to me than a class collection whereby one or two parents have declared the suggested amount.
I still treasure such and it encourages me to continue to be as good a teacher as I can be knowing I am on the right lines, cements my relationship with the families and means far more to me than a £75 token for John Lewis. Just my feeling.

£20 per child with a class of 30? Even £10 per child is a large 'tip' for being great at your job. How can you accept this knowing that some parents will have felt shit about not being able to contribute or contributing when they couldn't really afford to but felt embarrassed?