To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

Oops. Quite a few ARE rotten. (No offense to the good teachers in the world)

My DD is now 19 and at Uni, not once in primary or secondary did I buy a present for a teacher or TA. a) I am a single parent so never could afford to b) they chose it as a career c) homemade cards were given yes, not once though was I asked yo give a donation but I did contribute in other ways such as going in and doing cookery sessions with the kids etc.

Best teacher gift I’ve ever seen was a ‘gin kit’ and a home made card.
Gin, couple of bottles of tonic and a bag of limes in a gift bag.
PTA rep had written ‘thanks for doing such a marvellous job with our little darlings’ on the back.

Yabu for emailing the school to grass up the rest of the parents for arranging the gift. Just don’t contribute if you don’t want to. I fail to see what’s ‘immoral’ about the others’ choice to contribute to a generous gift.

Your post is exactly what’s gone on with us too (experienced parent asking for the teacher gift cash in the whatsapp group). My DD is in small independent school, there are 17 kids in her year so the gift won’t be overly extravagant. But I have found that since my DD started this school every single week without fail I am needing to spend £10-£30 on this or that.... I can only just afford the school fees. All of the extras on top leave me with no money basically, very depressing, considering a state school now.

When I say £10-30 a week on this or that, I mean to do with school. This week there was the teacher gift £10, dd’s best friends birthday £12 (present and card) and towards the nativity outfits £15... £37 this week 😔 Dd is my first, I didn’t realise how much money all the extra bits cost during the term.

DS is in nursery, so I have all this to come! I’d probably chuck in £10 to keep the peace and save myself the hassle of buying something, but £10 isn’t too much of a stretch for us. If it was, I wouldn’t do it.

That said, I’ll probably spend about £20 on DS’s key worker this year. This is because:

• She is absolutely amazing, goes above and beyond
• She’s massively underpaid for what she does, with poor benefits. Teachers are in a better financial situation.

"When I say £10-30 a week on this or that, I mean to do with school. "

You'd feel better if you averaged out the spending over the year.

You won't be buying a nativity outfit or the teacher's xmas gift every week.

And you'd be buying birthday gifts for your dc's friends at a state school too.

For most parents, paying into a Christmas pot is time saving. However it is optional and there is no pressure if one cannot contribute.

*How can you accept this knowing that some parents will have felt shit about not being able to contribute or contributing when they couldn't really afford to but felt embarrassed?,
I'm not sure who this is addressed to because I think all the teachers who have posted have said they would be embarrassed to take it. I certainly would have been but it would also have been embarrassing to just hand it back. Not that it ever happened to me as I worked in less affluent areas but often wished parents would have spent the couple of quid they spent on chocolates on their own children instead of me.

Captain- yes I meant to the teachers who accepted, not the ones here. And after it happened once I would ask the school to stop it so it never happened again!

Well I think it’s marvellous a few clicks to PayPal £10 to kind parent doing whip round who will get vouchers for teacher and TA that’s a job off my list what’s not to like ?! I love wedding lists too for same reason. I should probably leave mumsnet

How the actual fuck is a parent arranging a whip round the teachers fault? Why does the teacher deserve this abuse?

Some of you should really consider home schooling.

If you can’t afford it, just say thank you for arranging but you’re doing something separately. On its own I don’t think £10 is too much, I give tips to people for far less time spent doing something eg cleaner. But because of the number of children it adds up to an impressive amount!

It’s not a new thing. I’ve always been given presents and given presents to the children for the 16 years I’ve been teaching.

Gift giving wasn't a thing when I was at school myself. When I started teaching in 1985 I was surprised at being given gifts of the flowers, chocolates, fridge magnets variety. I have never been given a voucher or money.

“I don’t think £10 is a lot”

Maybe it’s not to you, but Please be mindful and considerate of the fact. Not everyone is rolling in the dough like you..

You’re also a teacher.
Yet you don’t think £10 is a lot for struggling families. I find that very concerning, tbh

@ itsmecathycomehome yes, I would be buying my daughters class mates birthday presents at a state school but I won’t be spending £700 a month on school fees, so that won’t be a problem. I just never considered these extra things before. I can afford her fees with enough other compromises. But since september when she started this £10-30 a week has been consistently ongoing...

It's horrible feeling that you have to join in in this way.
Some people do gifts at xmas at ours, I dont. I've worked in a school and would rather not have lots of chocs although the thought is lovely.
We contribute at the end of year but I dont think there was a suggested amount.
I think the point is not feeling obligated really.

If you have 5 children all in school and hand over £10 to each class then your looking at £50.

We all put £10 each into the pot. There are 3 ta’s as well as a teacher and also a reading lady. They all do so much for our children that we like to treat them at Christmas to say thank you so much for helping to raise and shape my child into the amazing person that they are! All the money is divided up and cards vouchers wine chocolate etc x a teacher friend has told me one year she had 8 teacher cups 😕 they just get left in staff room! Also she said She didn’t really eat anything home baked by personal preference but said thank you to the child. Rather than waste time and effort, why not put the £10? You would have to spend more than that anyway once you had got them all a card each and a token! One of the moms does it for us every year and signs it from all of us. In the new year we get personal thank yous from the teachers and tas saying how grateful they are and what they’ve spent their vouchers on. There’s obviously no obligation to contribute. Just send a card if you like. But teachers do not want loads of cups and notebooks don’t waste your money

10? Rolling in dough 😂😂😂😂this page! Seriously?!

Put it out of your mind

The 'experienced' parent who said putting in 10-20 quid was "normal" clearly has never been anywhere near the breadline and had to resort to a Foodbank.

Teachers get paid, FGS, and this business of tips, gifst, treats for ANY employee in any sector should be stamped on.