AIBU to ditch a group of friends due to their views?

[FriendDilemmas]

I've NC for this.

Three years ago we moved to a new area about 30 miles away from where we used to live. I've never been comfortable making new friends and moving away from my hometown made this even harder.

I met a group of mums at school when DS started in reception this September. None of us knew each other before school which is ideal for me as I've always struggled trying to fit in with established groups (at work, previously at school with older DD). We hit it off and have been out together a few times and it's been great. I have been really lonely and miserable for three years having absolutely no social life or friends that I see regularly, even just for a chat.

Anyway, we all met up at one of their houses (let's call her Steph) this weekend just gone for a meal and a few drinks. We were just chatting casually and Steph brought up Brexit and politics. All three of the girls suddenly turned very nasty (well, seemed that way to me) saying how Brexit needed to be done, the borders needed closing, sick of all the immigrants, Steph's DS is in high school and she said it was like 'spot the white kid' there.

I was beyond shocked. I did not expect them to have these kinds of views and it has never come up before. I respect other people's political views and do enjoy a good debate but these comments were racist and nasty and I'm not sure I can be friends with people like this.

Spoke to DH and although equally shocked, he does not think I should just ditch them based on this. I think he has seen me so depressed and lonely and was so happy I'd found a good group of friends that I got one with that he thinks I should just let it go. But I can't. We have so many other things in common and have such a laugh together and I have literally no other friends, but I'm not sure I can forget this stuff was said.

AIBU? WWYD?

[ReanimatedSGB]

I'd be distancing myself and looking for new friends. There's no benefit in staying friends with people who have horrible opinions and are unafraid to air them.

[croprotationinthe13thcentury]

If anybody wants to understand how Brexit succeeded they should just read this thread. It was not because Farage is some kind of genius. It was because many who were on the fence over the issue got sick to the back teeth of the patronising, hectoring, self righteous tone of so many remainers. So they went and voted Brexit.

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m a remainer and happily friends with some people who voted Brexit.

But they aren’t racist and they aren’t nasty.

I would ditch them. I actually distanced myself from a large group I’d been with for years after two friends married awful racists. I decided that I couldn’t spend my time pretending it didn’t matter.

[WorldEndingFire]

I couldn't socialise with fascists. You could challenge but depends how productive you think it might be. Sleep with dogs, get fleas!

[ASmallMovie]

It’s really up to you whether you would want to still be friends with them. But if it were me I would distance myself from them.

Not 100% relevant but at my kids school - the brightest, hardest-working kids are those of first generation immigrants. An absolute asset to the school and the community.

[TulipsTulipsTulips]

I would distance myself from them. They sound horrible and you’re probably better off without people like that in your life.

[coolwalking]

what the hell is bme? Just say other parents.

[AutumnRose1]

clear no difference.

Also wondering if you’re just assuming BME (Oh how I hate that term but I know the language police demand it) will not be against uncontrolled immigration too.

[Darkbendis]

I hate racism and xenophobia. I would have ditched them, no matter who/what they had voted for.

[AutumnRose1]

clear it was tongue in cheek? Oh I’m so confused right now.

[Clearnightsky]

@AutumnRose1
Er because I was doing it cheekily to make a point?!

Which is lost...
...in space it seems...

[AutumnRose1]

clear well in fairness, I don’t know you!

And we did recently have a thread with a poster asking how to find more “diverse” friends which was depressing.

[coolwalking]

@Clearnightsky it's the fucking ridiculous assumptions and PC acronym language culture that has led us to this point in society.

Do you think that only white people are against immigration?!

[AutumnRose1]

“ it's the fucking ridiculous assumptions and PC acronym language culture that has led us to this point in society.”

Agree.

[monkeyplanet]

Do you think that these are genuine, deeply-held beliefs (ie your new friends are thoroughly racist) or are they just fairly comfortable white people who tend to believe what the Daily Mail tells them?

Not sure there is a difference between the two. Racism doesn't come in grades, and overt racism is better in some ways than the insidious kind as that becomes systematic racism

[Clearnightsky]

...and backing away!

Is there a lot of wine being consumed or is it just me?

I leave the debate to others graciously.

[Clearnightsky]

...although it was me who was attacked for saying ethnic in the first place

[coolwalking]

@Clearnightsky 'attacked'

saying 'ethnic' to describe someone is wrong. No one got your joke apologies.

[TatianaLarina]

Racist and thick. It’s lose lose.

[AutumnRose1]

clear I genuinely don’t know what your point was

I’m not trying to have a go, I just don’t know what you’re trying to say. We don’t know each other, I’m guessing you’re nit besties with the posters here, so I think it’s important to be careful of what you think might be an in joke but is actually just baffling.