AIBU to ditch a group of friends due to their views?

[FriendDilemmas]

I've NC for this.

Three years ago we moved to a new area about 30 miles away from where we used to live. I've never been comfortable making new friends and moving away from my hometown made this even harder.

I met a group of mums at school when DS started in reception this September. None of us knew each other before school which is ideal for me as I've always struggled trying to fit in with established groups (at work, previously at school with older DD). We hit it off and have been out together a few times and it's been great. I have been really lonely and miserable for three years having absolutely no social life or friends that I see regularly, even just for a chat.

Anyway, we all met up at one of their houses (let's call her Steph) this weekend just gone for a meal and a few drinks. We were just chatting casually and Steph brought up Brexit and politics. All three of the girls suddenly turned very nasty (well, seemed that way to me) saying how Brexit needed to be done, the borders needed closing, sick of all the immigrants, Steph's DS is in high school and she said it was like 'spot the white kid' there.

I was beyond shocked. I did not expect them to have these kinds of views and it has never come up before. I respect other people's political views and do enjoy a good debate but these comments were racist and nasty and I'm not sure I can be friends with people like this.

Spoke to DH and although equally shocked, he does not think I should just ditch them based on this. I think he has seen me so depressed and lonely and was so happy I'd found a good group of friends that I got one with that he thinks I should just let it go. But I can't. We have so many other things in common and have such a laugh together and I have literally no other friends, but I'm not sure I can forget this stuff was said.

AIBU? WWYD?

@Livelovebehappy not all “Brexiteers” are racist, but I’m pretty sure that all racists are “Brexiteers”.

OP it’s a difficult one. I wouldn’t ditch them yet if you enjoy hanging out with them. I’d take the opportunity to challenge their views, the racist ones not the Brexit ones. They may actually not really how racist they’re being. You may help them to improve! (or I may be living in a dream world!)

@Livelovebehappy
Brexiteers not necessarily all racists but all racists are Brexiteers!

and heeeeeeeeeere come the mental gymnasts. Racism a fucking 'opinion' indeed

I’ll be your friend OP. You sounds like my kinda gal

Living in France I got some very good advice.
Just because you're in a different country do not make friends with Brits if you wouldn't want them as friends in the UK.
You're in the same position , if you wouldn't choose them as friends normally then don't have them as friends because there is no one else.
Join a group which may interest you and make like minded friends.

which then of course turns into yet another ‘Brexiteers are racists’ threads.

Sadly many, many that I know are, dumping them is much harder for me though because they're family.

I bet if you called them out on it they would be outraged at the suggestion that they might be racist. I've yet to meet a racist who thinks their views are racist, they just always think they're right.

@croprotationinthe13thcentury
This is more than different politics.
This is vile racism.

I don’t know why you’d even have to ask. Why would anybody with basic morals want to be friends with such rampaging racists. Ditch them.

People are fucking sick of having to be all liberal and dancing around it. You're movement has an extreme problem with racism brexiters- fucking deal with it, dont just shoot the messenger

Because sensible debate about immigration (regardless of skin colour) was branded racist from the off, we now find ourselves in this situation.

Going to a school with hardly any white kids isn't what 'multiculturalism' is about. Because multiculturalism doesn't actually work there will always be self segregation. It works both ways. Would I want to be friends with people who hold religious beliefs that are homophobic and sexist? No

That people with political views you don't condone can still be decent, nice people is just par for the course as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather non-judgmentally listen to people's concerns and propose counter arguments than judgmentally decide to ostracise, as to do so could sound like you don't actually have any counter arguments.

I would challenge their views. Otherwise they'll probably assume that you agree with them.

Ah yes, saying immigrants uniforms will smell of curry is sensiblle debate

Ok so Trump and Putin have affirmed that multiculturalism doesn't work, so we have to accept it doesn't. I live in a very multi cultural and multi racial area, and my kids to schools that have a multitude of races/religions/backgrounds/cultures, and what do you think their world is falling apart? No it isn't. And yes, it works absolutely fine. Now move along with that stupid non-argument that multiculturalism 'doesn't work'.

I am sorry what??!
i don't like extreme views and personally do not have a problem with immigrant but i do take umbrage at people speaking in their own language constantly, where i live it is incessant, but when i've spoken to some people asking for the time or when a bus is due they converse in reasonable english before turning to their friend and talking in their own language again.
What?
My DC are bilingual.
I speak to them in my native language and all the comments from teachers and friends are nothing but positive.
English is their dominant language simply because they are more exposed to it.
To help them know two languages is amazing.
I have however encountered people with a bit of a attitude. I guess these people think like you.
So excuse me but people in a bus stop need to be chatting in English amongst themselves?? Why? So you can listen?
Are you jealous or simply nosy?
I can’t believe you think that, let alone type it and try to defend it!
I can’t get over this but i do take umbrage at people speaking in their own language constantly,
So you can speak your language but others can’t???

You are deluded if you think that you don’t have a problem with immigration.

And FYI my children and I are British, we just happen to speak 2 languages. Lucky us.

Wow! The only time I speak English is to English people. What a horrible “umbrage” to have.

This country must be one of the very few places in the world where speaking more than one language is seen as a negative thing.

Surely, if you don't like their views, then you can at least disagree with them, gently, in a way that may influence them. No need to be confrontational. You'll have more success if you go in quietly. For example, by raising questions (such as, is it the colour or cultural differences/language barriers that concern you most?, But why is that? Questions are a great way of getting someone to reflect on their own views (rather than being told that their views are wrong). I wouldn't split from the group. They are still your friends, even if they believe in different things.

I would ditch then, no question. Already have binned off several Brexits, especially the bigoted ones. Don't want anything to do with them, tbh. Only positive of Brexit for me, finding out what they were really like. Don't need to condone that ever.

I wouldn't end a friendship for different political views (eg I can agree to disagree with friends who have different feelings on Brexit or immigration policy).

I would begin to distance myself from people who held bigoted and racist views (eg clear prejudice by skin colour, spouting Britain first style crap about all these so call illegal asylum seekers who are filling schools and immigrants who stop you getting a GP appointment, Muslims want to ban the poppy etc).

@littlepaddypaws
I think you'll find people will usually speak to each other in their first language and their conversation is none of your business.

My grandson is bilingual Welsh/English.
He lives in Wales so when he's speaking Welsh he's speaking in his native language.

English speakers are so entitled. The amount of times my family comment on people in Wales speaking Welsh.

I live in France my dh and I speak to each other in English. Is that wrong?

Wish I could speak another language to my children. Such an advantage to life that you are lucky enough to be able to give them.