AIBU to ditch a group of friends due to their views?

[FriendDilemmas]

I've NC for this.

Three years ago we moved to a new area about 30 miles away from where we used to live. I've never been comfortable making new friends and moving away from my hometown made this even harder.

I met a group of mums at school when DS started in reception this September. None of us knew each other before school which is ideal for me as I've always struggled trying to fit in with established groups (at work, previously at school with older DD). We hit it off and have been out together a few times and it's been great. I have been really lonely and miserable for three years having absolutely no social life or friends that I see regularly, even just for a chat.

Anyway, we all met up at one of their houses (let's call her Steph) this weekend just gone for a meal and a few drinks. We were just chatting casually and Steph brought up Brexit and politics. All three of the girls suddenly turned very nasty (well, seemed that way to me) saying how Brexit needed to be done, the borders needed closing, sick of all the immigrants, Steph's DS is in high school and she said it was like 'spot the white kid' there.

I was beyond shocked. I did not expect them to have these kinds of views and it has never come up before. I respect other people's political views and do enjoy a good debate but these comments were racist and nasty and I'm not sure I can be friends with people like this.

Spoke to DH and although equally shocked, he does not think I should just ditch them based on this. I think he has seen me so depressed and lonely and was so happy I'd found a good group of friends that I got one with that he thinks I should just let it go. But I can't. We have so many other things in common and have such a laugh together and I have literally no other friends, but I'm not sure I can forget this stuff was said.

AIBU? WWYD?

I've just read your updates. Yep I'd ditch them, that's pretty horrible

Your latest update is making me wonder why you are even questioning ditching these morons - it should be a no brainer! What would horrify me the most is that they obviously think that you think like that too so they didn’t even try to moderate their views!

Oh, so it’s not really about Brexit! Ignore me.

Of course YANBU. I sometimes have to listen to this kind of thing from family and, partly as a result, I absolutely draw the line at friends.

Sorry it will leave you (temporarily I hope) with no friends but I think you're better off starting over than putting up with their racist views. I admire saraclara's approach but she has many years of investment in her friendships, in your place I would move on.

Different political views is one thing. I have Labour friends and Tory friends. Remainers and Leavers. Nationalists and unionists.

Racism is a different matter entirely. I could not be friends with a racist. Ever.

Is this for real or are you a troll trying to brand all brexiteers as foaming at the mouth racists

Unfortunately it is for real. I wish it wasn't.

I think I will take the advice on this thread and ditch them. I keep going over it in my head and the more I think about it the worse it is.

I wish I had called them out at the time and I feel like a huge coward for not doing it. I was just so shocked.

I don't want to be associated with people like this, and more to the point, I don't want my DC around them.

It's not 'about' Brexit but it somehow is. In my experience, the debate about Brexit and about immigration in general has meant that many people are confusing the 'controlled immigration' policies with 'send them all back to where they came from'. It's unfortunate and I'm sure it's a minority, but it's a reality that many immigrants of different racial profiles are experiencing. There is a rational behind a better controlled immigration, but the discourse from many media outputs who insist on blaming immigrants for waiting list in the NHS, shortage of school places, increase in crime etc, instead of looking at the impact of budget cuts and austerity is having a huge negative impact on immigrants who are here perfectly legally and legitimately.

They may be wrong but honestly if this is your biggest problem - with these friends or in life in general - then... aren't you lucky?

Lucky to live in a society in which racists feel their views are acceptable and can be freely expressed? That's not being lucky. It's a tragedy.

In a way I prefer if racists can express their views, so I can confront them or ditch them.

I would be extremely unhappy about what they said too.

Just a thought though ... I would be a bit careful and back away quietly ... or if challenging their views I'd do it subtly as someone else suggested along the lines of Oh that hasn't been my experience ... as I would be worried that openly challenging then might affect your DC's friendships or lead to them being bullied.

I do have principles, honest, but not at the expense of my kids, who have less freedom to get away from people for unpleasant views or behaviour!

After reading your 1st post I was going to say if they were your only friends I’d probably stick it out but challenge them if it arose again, but after you updates on other things they’ve said I would be binning them off and finding some new friends!

I find it hard to make friends, shy etc, but would rather have no friends than be friends with people like them.

I personally wouldn’t sacrifice what sounds like a really good friendship circle over a political view.

Racism is NOT a "political view", @MellowBird85

there’s nothing wrong with different opinions!

There's plenty wrong with holding an opinion that Britain should be only for whites.

I’d find such racism hard to take and I wouldn’t want to have to deal with it, or expose my DC to it more than necessary.

*Also comments about the polish parents constantly talking 'jibberish' to their kids (Polish, obviously). So wasn't just aimed at the Muslim families. Generally anyone who is not white British.

It really was awful. Probably shouldn't have mentioned Brexit as that wasn't really the point, it was the start of the conversation*

I find this really odd. You're describing these people being racist and nasty but then asking if you should stay friends with them? Why do you need to ask based on what you have written? Sorry but it just seems a strange thread

I would never cut ties with someone with different political views, quite the opposite, I really value having different view points to discuss. This isn’t a political view though. It’s bigotry and pure ignorance. This has absolutely nothing to do with brexit (the EU is white majority after all), they’re just using brexit as an excuse to express their racism.

I’m always a bit suspicious with threads like this. The actual racist bits of the conversation were drip fed later in the thread, and I just don’t get why the important bits weren’t included at the beginning. It was kind of started off as a Brexit thing, but then racist stuff brought in which is trying to link up the two.

.... which then of course turns into yet another ‘Brexiteers are racists’ threads.

Mmm. Ok so actually you don’t like them. Where’s the issue?

I think this is becoming increasingly common, I've started distancing myself from a friend who is very much Pro Brexit, which does seem to go hand in hand with racist views.
The final straw was her referring to her husbands part Italian heritage, well he's 'half s*' isn't he' . She doesn't like him much .
There might be a minority of Brexit voters that are not racist, but I'm yet to meet one.

Racist. Ditch