What I wanted to say, what I actually said...

[YouthGoneMild]

As I’ve got older I’ve got better at biting my tongue, but sometimes what I wanted to say (versus what I actually said) bubbles angrily in me and today is one of those days!

So feel free to join me in letting out that you actually wanted to say and what you actually said. I guess this is lighthearted, so don’t go too deep, ok?

I’ll go first before I exploded:

What I said “I’m sure the school are trying their hardest and the staff are very stretched”

What I wanted to say “Your sense of entitlement makes me want to scream. I’m sure the teacher has better things to worry about than one sodding missing Smiggle pen and you’re a total knob for trying to speak to the Head about it!!!”’

What I said: “Yes, I guess it is our turn to go to your Father’s for Christmas as we’ve not spent it with him for 5 years”.

What I wanted to say “I’d rather eat Xmas
dinner at McDonalds than sit in the company of that drunken, arrogant snob. At least there no one will get so drunk that they wet themselves” (past Xmas nightmare visit)

Ooooh that felt good!!

What I said to DP, with a smile: "Yes, fine".

What I wanted to say to DP: "fuck off to the far side of fuck, and then fuck off again some more".

What I say... nothing at all

What I want to say... fuck off FIL with your fucking bullshit. You’re not fucking clever, we can all see clear as day your attempt to manipulate your children and their spouses. Maybe if you weren’t such an epic thundercunt we might want to spend time with you.

What I said:

“Ok, you need to leave my classroom now”

What I wanted to say:

“How DARE you tell me I’m a “fucking shit teacher” when you spend the entire lesson trying to talk, refusing to follow the reading and making paper fucking spliffs out of the resources I specifically created TO HELP YOU”

To be fair I think my slightly raised eyebrow conveyed most of that.

What I wanted to say "you are patronising, selfish, opinionated and vile" what I said was "I hope things are okay with you"

What I said : nothing
What I wanted to say: I'm off you evil witch. Thanks for making me do all the work yet again, so I finish late on my very last day here in a job I loved until you decided to bully me out. I see you have even stayed late yourself fiddling with irrelevant emails which is all you ever do. Any skill you ever had has up and left.

SleightOfMind - I'm crying with laughter too, and so is my DH, since I finally managed to read it out. It's the laughter of recognition too, as I've often said something irrelevant when startled out of a daydream, er I mean out of thinking deeply.

Oh I've a bad one.

When hearing my daughter was dating a complete and utter knob - I meant to say, "Oh ok."

I did say, "FFS don't get pregnant by him."

@loubieloo4 but surely DH’s inheritance would be split between the DC’s?!!! Absolutely terrible and sending hugs at such a terrible time for you all x

What I said yesterday
" Ok, DD , Sophie can come to play"
What I wanted to say
" No. Sophie can not come to play EVER.
She is a little shit.

@Anotherusernam3

Nope! Dh won't be here so doesn't need it 🤬
Small minded idiots

What I said "I'd like to apply for the position"

What I wanted to say (and should have said) "You're advertising my job with a few added bits and a different title"

Today at work
What I said
" Yeh, no bother. I'll cover friday, I've nothing on."
What I wanted to say
" You only fucking speak to me when you want me to cover a shift you po faced arse-wipe. I'd rather spend the day sitting on my own in a dark room eating shit than spend a minute longer than I have to in the company of all you two-faced wonders.

To the manager of the shop I'm doing cover work at who keeps complaining about takings dropping since the coffee shop was removed 6 months ago.

What I said- Well the weather isn't helping at all is it.

What I wanted to say- If you got off your arse and actually changed the stock in the shop every 4 or 8 weeks like you are meant to, instead of leaving the same books on the shelves for months on end, then maybe the takings wouldn't be down so much. I changed the books as I was meant to and no way did money drop as much as it has since you came back from sick leave.

What I wanted to say to the aggressive, acquisitive dick I bumped but did no damage to:

"£2000 is at least four times the value of your crap, rust bucket that you've tied together with string. I've got photos... KFO."

"Do contact my insurance company as I prefer not to deal direct."

what i said - nothing

what i meant - "i would like to rip your clothes off and have hot sex with you in your examination room"

Not to be that person but my son is 5 month old and in 9-12 month clothes so he would actually need a 12-18 months 🙈 for Christmas #giantgenes

@VeniceQueen2004, I love it - I can feel the vitriol from here!

This is such a cathartic post. Please can we keep this ongoing? It's family away, bottle of dry white, and highly skilled deep tissue massage.

I bought a new van for our dog walking business. Obviously had to set up insurance in the dealership before we could drive it away. My insurers asked me over the phone 'so what's the registration number?' and I start to read it out. Me 'M for Mother' Insurance agent 'Yes'. Me 'F for ....' and I utterly couldn't think of any other word at all that wasn't a line out of a Quentin Tarantino movie. Since then I have memorised Mike Foxtrot....

Today on the bus DD wanted out of her buggy. It was a short journey, it's always a hassle getting her back in, so I said no. Nosy random (probably crazy) woman 'why don't you let her out?'
What I said: Ach, it's only a short journey, she's such a wee monkey [laugh].
What I wanted to say: Oh dfod.

What I said: ‘Hi, [boss’s name].’
What I thought: ‘WTAF have you done now, making us all look like a bunch of clowns, and how the heck do we find a constructive way out of this mess?’

What I said. “ it’s a big change for you,” and other sympathetic sounding stuff

What I wanted to say “giving birth is nothing like being bereaved you insensitive self absorbed cow”

When someone told me they felt bereaved after giving birth, a couple of months after my brother had died.

A nice one...

What I wanted to say :

"I think you fancy me"

What I said :

"What? What?!.... If you've got something to say, say it"

I always say the wrong thing.... or bite my tongue and say "that's ok" instead of "NO.F*CK OFF.DO/PAY FOR IT YOURSELF"....

A funny foot in mouth was a few years ago, I bought my terminally ill mother amongst other things a bottle of perfume for her 60th birthday...
Maudlin Mother's says "Oh that's beautiful OJ but I will never get through all the perfume before I die" ....
I should have said "Oh don't be silly mummy" or "You're worth it" or both....
My actual response.... " I know, that's why I only got you the small bottle"

You could hear the intake of breath from everyone....luckily my mother saw the funny side
It still makes me chuckle and she's been dead seven years