What I wanted to say, what I actually said...

[YouthGoneMild]

As I’ve got older I’ve got better at biting my tongue, but sometimes what I wanted to say (versus what I actually said) bubbles angrily in me and today is one of those days!

So feel free to join me in letting out that you actually wanted to say and what you actually said. I guess this is lighthearted, so don’t go too deep, ok?

I’ll go first before I exploded:

What I said “I’m sure the school are trying their hardest and the staff are very stretched”

What I wanted to say “Your sense of entitlement makes me want to scream. I’m sure the teacher has better things to worry about than one sodding missing Smiggle pen and you’re a total knob for trying to speak to the Head about it!!!”’

What I said: “Yes, I guess it is our turn to go to your Father’s for Christmas as we’ve not spent it with him for 5 years”.

What I wanted to say “I’d rather eat Xmas
dinner at McDonalds than sit in the company of that drunken, arrogant snob. At least there no one will get so drunk that they wet themselves” (past Xmas nightmare visit)

Ooooh that felt good!!

What I said, "I'm really sorry you're struggling to pay the school fees this term."

What I wanted to say, "Stop buying £275 trainers and you might find finances a little less worrying."

@loubieloo4 how utterly callous of your pil. Astonishing.

So so sorry about your dh.

What I wanted to say was : " are you fucking joking? You think you can turn up here yet again with an Aldi Xmas pud you bought last January in the sales and think that's your contribution to Xmas covered? You have final salary pensions and go on holiday constantly while we work bloody hard to feed the kids and give everyone a decent Christmas while you scour the shops for the cheapest fucking gift you can get away with, don't be so bloody TIGHT'
What I actually said was' shall I buy gifts in advance for you and you can pay me back? I'm not sure £20 will cover it though I'm afraid'

Wanted to say '
'Your an idiot and should grow up'
What I did say; ' oh dear , sorry to hear that'
It's always the same and yes I need a backbone and I'm a coward.

Occasionally an ill thought out remark works best! One Parents' Evening we were at the end when a very harrassed looking man threw himself into the seat and apologised, he'd been delayed at work but could he have a few minutes about his son. I said 'There's nothing wrong with him that a good kick uo the arse won't cure', he beamed and said 'That's the most honest school report I've ever had!' Of course I should have produced the usual school report platitudes but I was knackered.
The boy came next day 'I can't believe you said that to my Dad!' but he improved exponentially and left with good grades.

What I said: I’m sure you can put that through expenses. Talk to your line manager.
What I wanted to say: You fucking nob. If a website asks for your card details before you can sign up for a free trial, stay the fuck away from it.
This morning £140 came out of the account because the utter dick head I married signed up for a PDF editor free 30 day trial and forgot to cancel it.
I only cancelled an annual subscription of £90 this summer that he had signed up for 10 years ago for an anti virus thing which is totally useless as we have an Apple Mac.
Last January £300 came out of our account because he’d signed up to the premium Linked In free trial.
Dick head.

What I actually said: "No problem. "

What I wanted to say: "Get off your phone & pay enough attention to your child to realise that he's blocking the gate & not allowing anyone through unless they guess his obscure nonsense password. It is a problem & you thanking us for "playing along" actually just makes me angrier because it shows you're aware of what he's doing but don't care about inconveniencing other people enough to do anything about it."

What I wanted to say :

WHAT PART OF MY KNACKERED, DRAWN, MONDAY MORNING MISERY FACE IS INVITING SMALL TALK, KAREN?!

What I said :

Yes it is a shame Michelle left Strictly

Manager asked if I will be going to the work's Christmas meal and party.

What I said: "No, I won't be able to get child care."

What I wanted to say: "Absolutely fucking not, what a fucking ridiculous idea. Why would I spend money, that was hard earned in this crap job, on a shitty pub roast, to spend time with people I already spend every waking hour with, most who are bat shit crazy and can't stand. What are fucking thinking?"

What I said "Yeah, I know it's tough when money's tight with kids, and everyone deserves a little treat"
When I wanted to say
"Stop behaving like the world owes you, money's going to be tight if you insist on a big flash car, three fucking horses and your nails and hair done every 3 weeks while only working part time. Stop comparing yourself to me when you have a partner earning a decent wage and literally work half of what I do! I still have less than you and I don't want to hear how fucking skint you are'"

What I say ‘x is obviously a really popular girl and she is really bright, but she is chatty and easily distracted which means she isn’t achieving the grades she’s capable of’

What I mean ‘x is rude, and lazy. She talks non stop and if she passes her GCSE is will be an absolute fucking miracle.

I said "oh, you're doing to divorce him then?"
I wanted to say "HOORAY!!

I'm so happy for my Mum

@Tunnocks34 I know that your comment was light hearted (and I don't mean to derail the thread) but if X is like that in all her classes and in her home life then that is classic inattentive ADHD which is missed in many girls due to the lack of characteristic hyperactivity that everyone looks for.

Yes, that would be lovely vs why don't you fuck off

"DH, startled, shouts ‘Chomp!’"

That's such a bizarre reaction to "Good Morning", startled or not.

When I have been asked to dinner with people I don't like but have to go.
I say yes that would be lovley
What I want to say is I'd rather shit in my hands and clap

@Kira1988 that is an amazing expression which I’m gong to say to DP next time he mentions Xmas at his Dad’s!!

While talking to the cashier in HSBC the bank today when she refused to let me pay in a cheque because it was written in purple ink and their newly-installed computer scanners can't cope with reading purple (I kid you not) - what I actually said:

"Yes I understand that there isn't anything you can do about it, but it is such a nuisance, I'll have to get the customer to send us another cheque now".

What I wanted to say:

"It's about time that your fuckwitted computer programmers got their stupid fucking heads together and realised that their stupid fucking idea is never going to fucking work and they need to get their stupid fucking arses in gear and program the fucking thing properly."

When faced with mystified employee who forcefully told me "my bank said they would transfer everything over for me, so they must have contacted you to tell you where to pay my salary into! Why did you pay my salary into my old bank a/c when you must have known I'd closed it?!"

Actually said: I think perhaps the bank person was confused in what they told you. They can transfer over all your outgoing payments from your old a/c to your new one, but they have no control over incoming payments. You may find there are quite a few people you need to tell...

Wanted to say: I am not bloody psychic, use your brain!

I have bad joints....what I'd like t say is you weight 24 stone that's what is causing your pain

On answering the phone to one of my in laws today after they started the conversation with "Is that Elbie?"
What I said " This is Elbowed. How can I help?"
What I wanted to say "No. It is not fucking Elbie, it is Elbowed you ignoramous. Why can't you call me by my actual name like the rest of the universe? What makes you so bloody special that you get to choose my name?I fucking hate it and it makes me want to chop you into small pieces with a penknife and bury you under the patio."

oh ^Venicequeen^ I have just howled at that along with the mental picture of his nut sack on his head

What I want to say is "Wtf, can't you see I'm talking to x?!" What I actually say is "Sweetie, wait a moment, I'm talking to x" when I'm interrupted mid-sentence by a kid with no social skills for the 5th time that lesson (and this is secondary!!!)

Dh has one from a meeting we were both in

What he said, - “that’s the first time I’ve heard that”

What he wanted to,say. - “ you’ve got to be fucking joking me, you evil bitch, I can’t believe you’ve just said that”

What I said - nothing,(was in shock)

What I wanted to say “wtf, someones just pulled a fast one on us”

I hate the cheque paying in machines too.
You are told to use them by staff who have been told to to this when they know that most customers would rather use them to pay the money or cheques into the accounts all so the banks can then do away with their jobs!
The machines are pretty useless, take forever and sometimes stop working and wind me up even when I'm not using one. Keep people's jobs instead.
I'm sure the staff would rather say ' use me instead of the machine!' But they are not allowed to.