Ex and DDs hair

[Brushmyhair]

Ex has the children a few nights a week and EOW, we live in the same area 10mins walk. Everything’s fine, and we get on well. The problem is DDs hair, she has very long straight/wavy hair all the way down to her bottom, I brush her hair twice a day. Once in the morning before school, and at bedtime I brush it and plait her hair into one long plait. If I don’t do this, her hair gets really tangled and she cries when I brush it. On the weekends when she’s at her dads, he doesn’t brush her hair all weekend so when he drops her off Sunday night her hair is all tangled/sticky borderline matted and I spend a good 20 mins brushing it which DD hates.

And he takes her to school with unbrushed hair, she literally just looks like she just woke up when I pick her up. This weekend they stayed at his house, and he sent me videos/pics of the children playing, and there was DD with her unbrushed tangled hair, looking like she just woke up and his girlfriends daughter in the background playing with brushed hair in a ponytail.

I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but it hurts to see DD so scruffy compared to her daughter. It’s funny because in the beginning when they just moved in together, she used to brush DDs hair and DD used to come home with hair in beautiful hairstyles and different hair accessories, but I guess the novelty of them living together has worn off and she doesn’t want to make an effort with my DC anymore. Again this is not her responsibility, but I also wonder why she stopped brushing her hair.

I’ve spoken to ex about this several times, he just says yeah yeah and ‘forgets’. Should I just leave it and brush her hair when she gets home until she’s old enough to do it herself? What would you do?

DD just turned 6 btw.

A 6 yo should be able to brush her hair! Not style it, but brush it. And if they aren’t able to / can’t be arsed then the parents wouldn’t be U to say they have to be cut at a more reasonable length.

Also, «I know it is not the GF’s responsability but...» no, stop there, not her responsability full stop. Take it up with your ex and with your DD.

As for boys with long hair, I see it all the time. And yes, that includes bum length. Several of the boys in my son's class have longer hair than several of the girls. Don't gender lengths of hair, that's so gross.

As for 'suffering' the detangling. There's not much to suffer if you look after it properly. DH and I brush our kids' hair twice a day, use plenty of conditioner, wash it every three days. We rarely have a tangle problem to 'suffer' through.

Don't gender lengths of hair, that's so gross

It’s a fact. You see little girls with very long hair a lot more often than you see little boys with long hair. I don’t differentiate. I think long hair on any chIld is ridiculous

Love mumsnet and girls hair.. according to this place all little girls should have chin length bobs they can brush and style themselves from age 4, but boys should have long hair (fuck the system yaaahh) that mum and dad should wash and blow dry for them until they’re 15

@Damntheman you see bum length hair on young boys all the time? Where? Unless you’re from a religious community that doesn’t cut hair, I’d say that’s bollocks.

Scandinavia Derbee, where apparently people don't assign gender to lengths of hair. Something I'm quite glad for!

People are not blaming the 6 year old, they are blaming the mother who has allowed her hair to grow to an impractical, unruly and potentially unsafe length

Unsafe? I clearly missed the part of the OP where DD was working in the weaving mill.

Long hair on any child 😂

So children can’t have long hair because it makes them a snowflake and their parents out of control.

Absolutely barmy train of thought.

Also get a tangle teaser and a bottle of kiddies detangler and show your dd how to spray it in and brush hair over one shoulder (much easier than trying to reach down back) then she can show her feckless dad she can do it herself and make him feel bad

@Ilovetolurk how safe is riding a bike with bum length hair or longer?

Luckily we have hair bobbles for that very eventuality @Derbee

Which the xdh cba to avail himself of

Such strong views on this thread about other people’s choice of hairstyle. PTSD from childhood nits?

@MustardScreams I think I’ll just let you have the last word, as you clearly are purposely obtuse or accidentally stupid. But neither is going to be conducive to not derailing this thread.

I’ll be surprised if the OP comes back to this thread.

Strong views on children understanding a bit of responsibility. Not letting them have longer hair than they are capable of looking after.

Never had very long hair as a child, but the thoughtful people brushing children’s bottom length hair like little dolls is creepy as fuck to me.

But each to their own.

If I go away my DH doesn't brush DD's hair. It wouldn't occur to him! My DD has long hair (not to her bottom though!) and she takes care of it herself. It sounds like your daughter might cope better with shorter hair.

@Derbee you don’t need to personally attack me. I’m just quoting the exact things you have said.

If you’re resulting to calling people stupid then you’ve already lost the debate. It’s just not necessary. You have no idea what’s going on in my life right now, and I am as entitled to my opinion as you are.

I have very similar issues with my girls when they go to their dads. They were coming home rocking the "dragged thru a hedge" look and having to deal with the aftermath so I can feel your pain. If they are staying overnight I now just make sure their hair is in french plaits with hairspray/gel to avoid the problems, And they get super "curly" hair when they get home. So win win.

Can't believe some on the comments you're getting op. Her dad should be brushing her hair. If he's not, he's not looking after her properly. It'd make me wonder what else he's not doing? Is he making sure her teeth are brushed? That she's washed/bathed?

A 6 year old should not have to do their own hair, that's a parents job. If a parent won't do it and therefore look after the child properly, I personally wouldn't let the child stay with that parent.

@derbee What’s creepy about brushing a child’s hair ?! Do you have kids ? What do you do, shave their heads so you don’t have to ‘treat them like little dolls’ ?or is there a certain length of hair where it becomes creepy and before that it’s ok?! Are you quite sure you don’t have hang ups from childhood and having your mum cut your hair with the kitchen scissors or something? I hate the rhetoric of never letting a child dress up in a sparkly dress or wear a hair clip (in their long hair!) or bit of glitter on their cheeks for a party because it’s somehow creepy or whatever. They’re kids and it’s fun, it’s adults that put our own hang ups on it. Reminds me of a friend who won’t let her dd wear a swimming costume only one of those sun suits. Because showing thighs is ‘too grown up’. Weird !

Passing the wrong idea that boys can't have long hair on to children is likely causing deep upset to boys to have to hear the they have girl hair. Honestly it's ridiculous just let the kids be. Tie hair up for sporting activities, it's fine. Perfectly safe and manageable.

Her hair is too long, it needs a least a few inches taken off? This will make it more manageable as the ends will be healthier and so less likely to tangle/get matted. It’s better for her so she doesn’t have to sit through painful detangling sessions, I’m mean she’s literally crying with pain so why would you keep it this extreme length? It sounds like her having bottom length long hair is for your wants rather than hers to be frank. How is it getting sticky?

My hair used to be basically bottom length when I started primary school and my mum used to be really rough when detangling it - it genuinely hurt to the point that tears would form. Getting it cut was such a good decision, it was still long but not ridiculously so.

You probably need to buy products to get her hair to stay tangle free for longer, eg serum; detangling spray

I find it quite funny that people saying a child shouldn't get total say over the length of their hair if they're resistant to maintaining it are the ones with "strong views".

I think being so ridiculously precious over hair that you view it as a shocking violation for a parent to say "you know what I know you like it but this is really impractical, you can have it long when you're ready to look after it (or at least sit still while I do)," is what I would describe as a strong view.

It's hair for God's sake. The poor dear is not being abused. As others have said, "you can have the impractical thing you really want but only if you take responsibility for it yourself" is a totally normal part of growing up.

It sounds like the father/girlfriend aren't brushing the hair because the child cries/whinges that it hurts. I wouldn't either. Maybe I'm a bit strict, but my Dd would have only two options here; either stop whinging when it's brushed, or have it cut so it doesn't hurt. I wouldn't tolerate a child refusing to have it cut, but then also making a fuss when you're trying to help brush it. One or the other.

To be fair my lovely dh and doting PILs are the same about hair. I just do two french plaits and they stayed in for an entire long weekend once which included swimming!

This thread is insane Leaving aside the truly bizarre fetish comments etc though...

"I don’t think many men would manage a little girl’s hair that long"

What, does the weight of their penis make them unable to raise a hairbrush?! Fuck me.

I've said this on here before (ironically in the context of everyone thinking he was the fucking dogs bollocks for doing this simply because he was a man ) that DH learned to plait/braid from the Internet.

DDs wanted long hair (fair enough) and could brush it themselves etc but there was always bloody nits at school, so like a competent parent DH learnt a new skill and managed to look after his children in a responsible manner. They used to have Princess Leia hair, they loved it and I used to have arse length, very thick and heavy hair which DH was able to braid/French pleat/chignon for me and could even do halo plaits.

It always annoyed me how people acted like he had split the fucking atom for doing this, and this thread shows exactly why. Why can't we set the bar equally for competent and responsible parenting? If DH wasn't able to use a fucking hairbrush I wouldn't have had bloody children with him.