Ex and DDs hair

[Brushmyhair]

Ex has the children a few nights a week and EOW, we live in the same area 10mins walk. Everything’s fine, and we get on well. The problem is DDs hair, she has very long straight/wavy hair all the way down to her bottom, I brush her hair twice a day. Once in the morning before school, and at bedtime I brush it and plait her hair into one long plait. If I don’t do this, her hair gets really tangled and she cries when I brush it. On the weekends when she’s at her dads, he doesn’t brush her hair all weekend so when he drops her off Sunday night her hair is all tangled/sticky borderline matted and I spend a good 20 mins brushing it which DD hates.

And he takes her to school with unbrushed hair, she literally just looks like she just woke up when I pick her up. This weekend they stayed at his house, and he sent me videos/pics of the children playing, and there was DD with her unbrushed tangled hair, looking like she just woke up and his girlfriends daughter in the background playing with brushed hair in a ponytail.

I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but it hurts to see DD so scruffy compared to her daughter. It’s funny because in the beginning when they just moved in together, she used to brush DDs hair and DD used to come home with hair in beautiful hairstyles and different hair accessories, but I guess the novelty of them living together has worn off and she doesn’t want to make an effort with my DC anymore. Again this is not her responsibility, but I also wonder why she stopped brushing her hair.

I’ve spoken to ex about this several times, he just says yeah yeah and ‘forgets’. Should I just leave it and brush her hair when she gets home until she’s old enough to do it herself? What would you do?

DD just turned 6 btw.

Men can do hair- if they want. I've known many men of the long haired variety and they cope fine. Dh can French plait Dd, but can't fishtail or Elsa plait, so I'm still winning

Remind him nuts love loose hair...

Nits even!!

Have her hair cut to a more manageable length. My just turned 5 year old attempts to brush her own hair, does an ok job and then I put it up in a ponytail.
If it was shorter she could try brushing it herself and then asking for it to be put up for school.

I personally don't think you are being unreasonable at all. When she is at his house he should be doing all he can to look after her and that includes washing and brushing her hair. At just turned 6 years old I definitely was not doing my own hair and wouldn't have really thought about it if my mum hadn't done it for me. I would try talking to your ex again or even his girlfriend if you're able to. Or like someone else suggested maybe putting your daughters hair in french braids when she goes so that it will stay neat.

How old is she? When I had curly bottom length hair (Indian so it’s fairly common) mum taught me how to plait my own hair (my hair was too thick for any bobbles etc). I was doing it myself by the time I was 6/7. If she’s younger then your ex needs to do it - just tell him that her teacher has questioned it and asked if everything’s ok between dd and her dad. That might put the fear of God in him a bit lol

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 6yr old to do her own hair.... My 7yr old can plait, do a low and high ponytail, brush her hair. The joys of allowing YouTube screen time, they learn things a lot quicker

Could you leave it in a plait when you send her off to her Dad's and leave it like that for the weekend?

If not she needs to ask him for help

At this age it doesn’t need to be perfect just not tangled and knotty.

dd when young had very long hair - I use to divide it into 4 section 2 each side front & back & plait it tightly than join them up into pony tail - basically plait dd hair very tightly before she goes to dd - it will untidy but it should stay roughly plaited so not get tangled

What a ridiculous suggestion GrumpyHoonMain! Don't drag her teacher into it! Or pretend to.
The OP and her ex need to sort this out between themselves. I too echo previous posters' suggestions to cut her hair somewhat shorter so it's more manageable.

This makes me sad.

My DD had bottom-length hair when she was 6, and it was a bugger to deal with. But it's what parents have to do.

XH was a complete nightmare. But even he went with whatever our DD was doing at that age (she's DC5, so not a PFB).

A child shouldn't have to cut their hair to a length that suits separated parents.

I can't really imagine why the GF wouldn't brush and look after a little girl's hair, if the girl's father can't/won't.

It isn't the child's fault that her parents split up. PP saying she should cut her hair makes it somehow her fault. This is disgraceful.

(I am divorced, btw, so no Disney expectations of families).

Another vote for French plaiting when she goes, just make it known that the plaits are not to be taken out. I did this when my daughter went on a 2 day residential when she was 9. She could still have a shower by lowering the head, but meant she didn't have to worry about washing and drying her hair. Stayed in the 2 days.

This is sad. Of course he should be brushing her hair, it's all part of looking after her. I'd mention it again.

A child shouldn't have to cut their hair to a length that suits separated parents.

At 6 years old, a child absolutely has to have their hair cut to a length which suits their parents, separated or not.

Shocked at the replies on here. I’m sure most 6 year olds can’t brush their own hair, doesn’t mean they should all have their hair chopped off 😕.

He should be brushing her hair.

OP, I feel your pain, I rarely leave my dc with their dad overnight, dd2 has special needs and very thick wavy hair, ex will not brush it. Last month I left them with him for 2 nights and I had to text him every day to remind him to brush her hair.

I have also been step mum and have done dad’s hair. I wouldn’t have a child staying in my house and leave them with tangled hair as I know how painful it will be when it eventually gets brushed. I always used to brush dad’s hair when she was staying with us.

Bridgetreilly, I really strongly disagree. My DD's bottom-length hair was a bit of a PITA, but so what? It would have suited me for her to have her head shaved. Maybe that's what everyone should do.

DC4 solved the problem by chopping all her hair off.

I don’t think many men would manage a little girl’s hair that long.
Why would men find it harder than women?

I also wonder why she stopped brushing her hair.

I think the bigger question is why didn't your DH start brushing her hair?

It does sound like it's high maintenance. She can have long hair that's still shorter than bum length and more manageable. This might well be more pleasant and manageable for her, whatever her dad decides to do.

I loved the hair-washing and drying and brushing ritual, btw. It was a lovely, close moment. If DD had been my SD, I would have thought the same.

he is a cunt
he's doing it to spite you

I can't really imagine why the GF wouldn't brush and look after a little girl's hair, if the girl's father can't/won't

If the girl's father can't or won't, the resident woman should pick up his parenting slack? How far might that go? How many parts of parenting could he decide to give up on, given that he has a convenient live-in female nearby?

And let's not pussyfoot around, it's 'won't'.

If he had no arms, 'can't' brush her hair might be a fair point, but there's no mention of that in the OP.

OP - does your DD have hair that long for a reason?

I'd cut it into a bob so she can just brush it herself.

Are you on good terms with your ex H? It might be that you just need to spend a little time explaining how to do her hair. He is probably not doing it because he doesn’t know how. Make sure he knows to get a detangle spray and a tangle teaser brush and talk him through putting a bobble in for a simple ponytail. Having said all that my 6 year old loves to have her hair out and wild at the weekends so it might be choice on her part too