Ex and DDs hair

[Brushmyhair]

Ex has the children a few nights a week and EOW, we live in the same area 10mins walk. Everything’s fine, and we get on well. The problem is DDs hair, she has very long straight/wavy hair all the way down to her bottom, I brush her hair twice a day. Once in the morning before school, and at bedtime I brush it and plait her hair into one long plait. If I don’t do this, her hair gets really tangled and she cries when I brush it. On the weekends when she’s at her dads, he doesn’t brush her hair all weekend so when he drops her off Sunday night her hair is all tangled/sticky borderline matted and I spend a good 20 mins brushing it which DD hates.

And he takes her to school with unbrushed hair, she literally just looks like she just woke up when I pick her up. This weekend they stayed at his house, and he sent me videos/pics of the children playing, and there was DD with her unbrushed tangled hair, looking like she just woke up and his girlfriends daughter in the background playing with brushed hair in a ponytail.

I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but it hurts to see DD so scruffy compared to her daughter. It’s funny because in the beginning when they just moved in together, she used to brush DDs hair and DD used to come home with hair in beautiful hairstyles and different hair accessories, but I guess the novelty of them living together has worn off and she doesn’t want to make an effort with my DC anymore. Again this is not her responsibility, but I also wonder why she stopped brushing her hair.

I’ve spoken to ex about this several times, he just says yeah yeah and ‘forgets’. Should I just leave it and brush her hair when she gets home until she’s old enough to do it herself? What would you do?

DD just turned 6 btw.

I had one with long, long hair, mercifully not curly or frizzy, but at 6 she managed it well enough to make a pretty decent plait herself

Bloody hell - I’m 55 and stop can’t plait my hair

I'm saying she should cut her hair but not because her dad can't be bothered to brush it but because it's a pain, completely impractical and just the start of the shit she has to put up because she was born a girl. Later down the line it'll be spending lots of time and money on makeup, long nails that make doing anything difficult, shoes she can't walk in, clothes that don't keep her warm and dry

Talk about stereotyping! I have long hair (never cut). I don't wear makeup. I have short clean nails (essential in a busy clinical job). I wear shoes I can do a 24 hr shift in, and appropriate clothes. I'm perfectly capable of deciding what I want to wear on different occasions, as are other family members- male and female.

I find this ridiculous. Surely the focus should be on the fact that her dad is refusing basic care of brushing her hair!

Anyway, my DD also 6 has long her to just above her bum, she brushes it herself everyday, twice a day. The trick is to pull all
hair round to the shoulder and brush, then repeat on the other side. Then tip head upside down and brush. Flip hair back again and neaten up. Takes her 15mins but she’s happy to do it.