To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

the manager knew that if she was the one to say something we would not fork out so she asked the other lady to break the news during the evening, thinking that it would make us 'show solidarity'/make us feel bad and cough up

How very childish of her; if they wanted to change things it was up to them to raise the subject like normal adults, and the fact they didn't creates no responsibility on you

Personally I'd still refuse, telling them that in future it would be better to discuss these things openly

the manager knew that if she was the one to say something we would not fork out so she asked the other lady to break the news during the evening
Shame on your manager. Keep notes of all this in case you need to make a case for bullying.

This happened to me one year and I had no way to pay. Ended up embarrassed, upset and very unpopular!. I'd delibrately ordered cheapest food and drink only to be presented with a massive bill as it was decided it was only fair we paid for those on lower salary - I was band 3 and just out of uni with a lot of debt (as parents refused to help out); and all the others had three courses, plus ordering bottles for the table (there were six of us) like they printed money.

I'd been clear if it was a split the bill thing I'd not go. I'd no choice but to not pay (literally no money to do so as I strictly budgeted even then) and it caused a lot of bad feeling as others had to pay more.

I emailed the passive agressive emailer in our group (twice a week, every week to everyone) who said I was being very unfair (copying in everyone else) stating "this was not the agreement, I paid my bill as agreed" in the end I lost my temper and they backed off. Not my finest moment, but they refused to accept I couldn't pay, it went on for weeks.

I would be mentioning unions If this is brought up again. This is bullying tactics, not agreement.

Honestly I would be looking for a new job. Your manager is an idiot. She got her mate to break the news at the meal? What a spineless and useless manager.

I would have no respect for them professionally at this point.

Don't back down. Just repeat. You all agreed. It was massively unfair to change the rules at the meal.

Sounds like the manager worked on her after the initial discussion and persuaded her this was the “right” thing to do, and they thought if you were presented with a fait accompli, you would be too embarrassed to stick to the original plan.

Fuck that.

No one has the right to unilaterally decide how to spend your money. Absolute CFery!

As pp say, remind her of the agreement. You could add in that you hadn’t budgeted for the additional expense and would simply not have gone to the meal if this had been the group decision beforehand. And you could also add in that you feel this has all been very manipulative, if you feel like opening that can of worms!

the manager knew that if she was the one to say something we would not fork out so she asked the other lady to break the news during the evening, thinking that it would make us 'show solidarity'/make us feel bad and cough up.

Well, that backfired, didn’t it, as the news came from the other lady but you still didn’t cough up!

I would go and speak to the manager directly today. I’m presuming managers are on a higher salary. If they want grandiose gestures for their interns, they need to be prepared to pay for them themselves, surely?

Total cross post with your update!!

I remember this thread and so dared how it went. I'm so glad that you stuck to your guns and didn't cave. Well done. Maybe next time, they'll stop telling the apprentices that Christmas dinner is subsidized by the team!

X-post then the manager needs to pay. It was underhanded and manipulative for her to get a colleague to appear to change what was agreed because you'd supposedly feel sorry for them.

Still don't pay.

'So dared' was meant to be 'wondered'

This is the poorest management I have ever heard of!

Stay firm, OP. You are 100% in the right!

What the actual fuck???

So they basically tried to manipulate you into paying? It's so so disrespectful.

Not a snowball's chance in hell I'd pay
And next year I'd have plans at Christmas as I'd never want to break bread with those arseholes again.

When I became a manager I never allowed this splitting the bill nonsense. People complained in front of others but honestly in private most people were grateful for it and just wanted to pay for what they had.

the manager and the indecisive lady who is now sending emails thought after all it was mean not to pay for the trainees

So your manager and the indecisive lady decided to pay for the trainees. Their decision, they pay.

I’d just ignore her and delete any more emails. It’s no more than a minor annoyance at this point, she can’t make you pay. Personally I wouldn’t give a stuff about being thought mean.

We are behind you op, Stand firm, how awkward

I wouldn’t delete those emails, but I would respond asking them both to stop contacting you regarding this issue as you had all agreed to pay your own way and the insistence that you should now pay and the constant discussions around this issue, is starting to feel like bullying. Let’s face it, they’re still going to treat you as if you’re the one that was unreasonable even if you do pay at this stage, so the atmosphere can’t get any worse and the suggestion that they’re bullying you might get them to back off.

Your manager has behaved appallingly! If your manager pushes it further or makes you feel uncomfortable about it in any way then you should put in a grievance with HR.

What a shocking manager! How can she tell you how to spend your own money and how dare she guilt trip you into paying afterwards?

I wouldn't have paid for them on the basis that they were rude and patronising. I think now it should be a company decision to pay for any interns themselves.

The lady who was on the fence about whether to cover the cost of the trainees' meals was the one who decided that the trainees' shouldn't pay. Let her stand the cost. It'll be a lesson learned and she, presumably, won't make the same mistake again.

Just remind her of the meeting where the majority voted to only cover their own costs. How dare she decide for all of you.

the manager knew that if she was the one to say something we would not fork out so she asked the other lady to break the news during the evening, thinking that it would make us 'show solidarity'/make us feel bad and cough up.

That's absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Trying to guilt and embarrass you into paying after you made it clear you weren't willing to, and that paying for yourselves had been agreed with the team?!

Good on you for not caving. As pps have said, keep the emails in case you need them in future.

Our manager is a nice person, but I also came to a conclusion that she is also very concerned about 'what will people say' and want people to think she manages the team well. As in- people on the outside to think she treats us well and that we're such a fab team. So she wanted to take good care of the trainees without thinking what the actual team decided. She did think it was unreasonable to not pay for the meals, but obviously not wanted to just offer to pay herself. To make things worse the two trainees ended up drinking a fair share of the (expensive, as turned out the manager and one of them are connoisseurs) wine, so their part of the bill was larger than it usually is. Unfortunately no one thought to have said that maybe drinks should have been paid separately, but too late now.

This happened in the past once when one of our team (person A) were friends with someone who used to work with us (B), who ten moved to a different country and came back to visit family, and the manager asked A to invite B to a meal for old time's sake, but then expected A to split B's meal costs as they invited them?

Manager probably thought she was being sneaky this time round. I feel sorry for the other lady as she probably thought everyone would reimburse and is left unhappy two of us didn't and now took it very personally. No reply from her why/how she thought it was fine to do this in first place, so now we have a nice awkward silence at our desks.

So yeah, watch and learn people, if you ever have an overgenerous manager look out for that.

@Becca19962014 Sorry to hear that, I had that too in one of my previous workplaces, where someone ordered a shed loads of tiny starters most people did not get to eat as they were so small, but pricey, and everyone had to pay some ridiculous sum of money for the meal. So not fair and glad you also didn't cave in.

Beell since the manager changed the plan she should pay up. However the other woman was stupid to go along with her given there had been a majority vote not to pay for the trainees dinner/drinks. Don't give in, let them suck up the cost and it will damn well teach them not to try and scam you again.

Beell??? Should say Well