To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

[thetoddleratemyhomework]

Also, if the guilt trip colleague raises her unhappiness with you, you could just say that if she feels that she was bullied into paying for a meal that she didn't agree to pay for in advance then this is something she needs to raise with HR.

[BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs]

It's all getting beyond ridiculous though as the one colleague who did feel guilt tripped and paid a share sat silently throughout the conversation and later made it seem they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying.

She should grown a backbone then. It is fair because she agreed to it. You shouldn't be out of pocket because she didn't want to stand her ground, that's ridiculous.

Hopefully this is the end of it for you Op. I'm glad you had someone else on side and it didn't end up as you vs the rest of the office!

[justilou1]

HR should definitely be informed that manager is muscling her team into paying for things with their own money in such a manner. This creates such a high level of resentment and serves to highlight the disparity in pay levels, lifestyles, etc. Manager lacks empathy and should be hauled over the coals for putting people on the spot like this. Staff who contributed should have their money refunded at manager’s expense, too. She created the monster - she should put it back in the cage.

[Equanimitas]

It's all getting beyond ridiculous though as the one colleague who did feel guilt tripped and paid a share sat silently throughout the conversation and later made it seem they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying

She should go back to whoever she gave the money to and ask for it back then. If she doesn't want to do that, it's hardly your fault. Even if you had agreed to pay up, she wouldn't be getting her money back.

[thetoddleratemyhomework]

Good for you for standing your ground! You really shouldn't be having to pay when they changed the goal posts to put pressure on you. What a terrible manager you have. I hope she apologises to you after she gets back from holidays.

[CallmeAngelina]

they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying
You didn't "get away with" anything! Two colleagues changed the goalposts on an agreement you had all made and you refused to go along with it. Fair play to you. It was never your debt to settle.

[MoreSweetcorn]

Back in the day when I was a band 2 on a night out, with mostly consultants (I had a great rapport with them) and my somewhat boyfriend was on his leaving do, they covered my meal and his.

But, this was unexpected. I had my cash out. I also hadn't drunk my weight in nice wines, unlike your trainee.

[Retroflex]

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile you said "she is also very concerned about 'what will people say'"

what do you think her reaction would be if you were to say that because of how this/last years night out, re:payment of trainee meals was handed, you are not comfortable having a Christmas night out which includes the trainees?

I'm pretty sure that she'd rather have you all there paying for your bill separately, than having a "them and us" situation.

Of course you don't have to follow through with not having them, the threat maybe enough, but if its not, then I would absolutely organise something for your full-time colleagues only.

[ClappyFlappy]

t's sorted, copying our manager as well.
It's all getting beyond ridiculous though as the one colleague who did feel guilt tripped and paid a share sat silently throughout the conversation and later made it seem they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying

Tough shit, it’s not your fault you stood up for yourself and they’re a mug.

[CallmeAngelina]

Doesn't sound to me as if your manager is really up to the job.

[GreenTulips]

Communication should be a big thing in managing teams. Your manager clearly disagreed and hoped to side swipe the payment for the trainees.

I’ve never heard of trainees being paid for, as we all go out socially as equals. Your manager has a lot to answer for really.

[Wattagoose90]

The only suitable resolution for this situation is for the manager to reimburse every individual that contributed to the trainees meals and to issue a team wide apology.

I sincerely hope the email to HR detailed the sneaky conversation she had with the colleague that piped up!

[AlwaysCheddar]

Glad you’re not backing down as your manager is a CF!!

[CrimsonCattery]

Yeah HR would be a good heads up.

[Somanysocks]

Can't she take it out of petty cash? Because it does seem like she is being petty.

[Babynamechangerr]

What a ridiculous situation, the minute your colleague said 'put your wallets away trainees' she was really taking responsibility for paying it given thst you'd all previously agreed that. Unless your manager had agreed to cover the costs with this woman then she should have put her foot down and told her that she shouldn't have said that on everyone's behalf so up to her to shoulder the cost.

If you're still working there next year I would find a restaurant that will take payment for food orders in advance (I did this over Christmas at a restaurant with a large group and made life so easy as just bought drinks at the bar and there was no bill it the end, just left a few coins for a tip) and make it very clear everyone is paying for thoet own food and drinks.

Whilst I think treating the trainees is nice it should either come from petty cash or the manager covers it.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

@NorthernLightss We did pop an email to HR to let them know just in case the colleague complains or manager is unhappy when they come back from holiday, or if it comes up at any point of future, just to cover our backs.

[CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt]

Appalling behaviour from your manager - wow! Well done for dealing with this and staying firm.

[NorthernLightss]

Will you also contact HR to confirm what happened? It might be worth putting it on record now in case any colleagues harbour resentment and cause problems later. People's memories tend to become a bit jumbled and this could end up a case of he said /she said.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

@frazzledasarock It's not a company meal as such, we organise it as a team and some team's don't even go out at all. My manager manages three other teams and two do nothing for Xmas and one goes skating or something, but it's all by private agreement, the company does not organise anything this time of year.

[NoSquirrels]

X-post! Hope it blows over, OP.

[NoSquirrels]

I’d go with the suggested

As you’ll recall, it was specifically agreed on xx date that we wouldn’t be contributing to trainee meals this year and as I was not consulted about any change to this position, I won’t be making any further payments

But add in:

I’m sorry this situation seems to be impacting on our team and hope we can put it behind us. If it was a miscommunication from manager about the change of plans perhaps it would be best for us to bring this up with manager on her return to work?

Leaves you with the HR option whilst clearly asking to get on with your job in the meantime.

[BloggersBlog]

Sounds like you have all tried to sort it maturely, even with your 'over generous' with other people's money manager being away. Very sensible to send the info to HR. I doubt this is the last you have heard of it though!

[sonjadog]

I would also say to email lady that this is something between her and the manager. Not your problem. You have done what was agreed.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

@Aloe6 @squeaver The trainees don't know - from their perspective it's not really their business. They are going back to leave to finish their uni course in two months time. I don't like them personally but that aside, I also don't think them finding out after the meal is fine either, as it would be even more embarassing for everyone. They got offered a meal and good for them, they should not feel bad about it now when it's all done.
I just think it's not fine for everyone to chip in because of that.
We spoke to unhappy colleague- we said we're sorry she is short of cash, but it has been agreed we would not pay. No one wants bad atmosphere in the office, but imposing paying on the spot put us in awkward position and we didn't think it was fair to expect us to cough up because they decided about it behind our backs. The lady said 'OK fine', and to leave it. The other non payer sent an e-mail to HR just to let them know about the issue just in case if it ever comes up, but that we think it's sorted, copying our manager as well.
It's all getting beyond ridiculous though as the one colleague who did feel guilt tripped and paid a share sat silently throughout the conversation and later made it seem they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying.
So out of 6 people in the office 5 are pissed off. Happy New Year everyone.
We have a new started in a couple of weeks, there is us hoping it will blow over by then.