To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

@ohprettybaby I think she decided it with the manager but thought if it came from her we would be more likely to pay than if it was the manager who said trainees don't need to pay. She obviously does not have the manager's salary though, so the extra whatever she paid would be more of a difference to her than to our boss, hence she is very bitter about it.

monalisa I didn't have the choice to cave! I literally had no more money. At that time I lived from pay check to pay check and, only took out what I could spend so there was no way I could afford the extra, so only had (through saving) however much I'd worked out my meal and drink would be.

I wasn't popular. Though I wasn't that popular before either!

The manager was "overgenerous"?! She was not, she was a complete CF! Generous is giving your own money, not other people's.

DO NOT pay, OP, they can't force you to spend your money on something you'd already been clear you wouldn't be contributing to.

hence she is very bitter about it

If she’s so bitter about it, why did she

A. Agree to pay it.
B. Agree to be the one to tell you all there had been a change of plan.

It doesn’t make sense!

I really think you should go and speak to the manager.

@Becca19962014 Such a shame as it should not be a stressful occasion to have bad memories of forever but an opportunity to have a good time. Some people are not really mindful of others unfortunately...

I feel sorry for the other lady as she probably thought everyone would reimburse and is left unhappy two of us didn't and now took it very personally.

Save your sympathy for someone who hasn’t colluded with her manager to set you up and guilt trip you into paying for a meal, after she agreed with the earlier decision. Neither her or the manager deserve any sympathy. If the manager continues to try to make you feel guilty, then ask her to reimburse your coworker. After all, I’m sure she’s paid a bloody sight more than you.

@fedup21 Manager is on hols conveniently. The once who paid thinks we should just pay for the sake of it.The other non payer wants to go to HR for advise as this is getting in the way of our work- the e-mail lady does not talk to us, we communicate via emails now- sitting right in front of each other...

the e-mail lady does not talk to us, we communicate via emails

Is this a different person to the one who paid?

I’d go to HR, too.

Definitely go to HR for advise. This shouldn’t be happening. No-one should have to pay their own money for work colleagues/trainees meals just because it’s was done last year etc! That is really bad management!

Definitely go to HR. That’s bloody ridiculous behaviour.

You definitely need to take this to HR.

Bloody hell, if that's your Manager's way of dealing with an awkward situation (i.e. pass the buck onto some other poor mug) I dread to think how they actually manage business-wise.

I think you are justified in standing your ground. However, I do feel sorry for the lady who was made a scapegoat by putting you all on the spot (as asked to, by your Manager). She's now financially down. You're all awkward with each other and conveniently, the person who caused all this is 'away on holiday'.

Suggest you break the ice with the lady who suggested you paid. This is entirely your Manager's fault and she needs to sort it out/recompense the other lady if she's so worried about 'what other people will think'. Which is a really shit way of managing a team.

I wouldn't bother going in future. Put the money towards Christmas or have a takeaway.

Don't give in just because of the uncomfortable silence. I also wouldn't be seeking advice from HR. I would be making an official complaint to HR about the manager and your colleague trying to manipulate you into paying when you'd agreed not to.

I would just tell your colleague in no uncertain terms by email that you are sticking to what was decided in the meeting. If you lose her friendship over this then she wasn't a decent friend in the first place.

So manager pulled this stunt before with the visiting ex-colleague? How can you say she’s lovely OP?!

HR needs to sort this shit out, it's getting ridiculous.

HR definitely. It's impacting on your work.

It's also ridiculous.

So the manager wants to play lady bountiful with other people’s money? How generous of her.. and stealth shaming you on the night to boot?

I’d be informing HR and copying all correspondence just in case.

Good for you and your colleague for not paying. And in future emails I would be stating for future reference I would not be contributing to trainee meals ever.

This has gone beyond ridiculous. You all came to an agreement not to pay for the trainees and the manager and her friend decided to try and shame you into it on the night - really not on. And now because you kept to your side of the bargain and paid for your own meal they are trying to intimidate you by emailing you to pay up. Definitely include HR in this. This is really bad management from a so called manager.

I remember your thread, and am sorry it worked out like this. Clearly your team leader likes to be generous with others' cash. I think you handled it well, paying your own costs on the night. Don't cave in, do go to HR. It's so unprofessional, and it's likely to continue. You shouldn't feel awkward at work.

Didn’t see your thread first time around but YWNBU to decline contributing in the first place and they have been VV unreasonable to spring it on you like this. Are the trainees aware of what’s going? They should be offering to pay their share.

Your manager sounds like an idiot to have concocted this plan, and very unprofessional to put you in the spot presenting it as a ‘fait acompli’ on the night.
Stick to your guns and just keep reiterating, I don’t know why you thought it was ok to change what we agreed, I said all along I wasn’t paying for anyone else’s meal.

Hi Passive Aggressive Colleague,

As you’ll recall, it was specifically agreed on xx date that we wouldn’t be contributing to trainee meals this year and as I was not consulted about any change to this position, I won’t be making any further payments.

Have a lovely day.

I would send the following and copy in HR:

"Dear Email Woman - To reiterate: it was agreed on X date that we would pay for ourselves at the Christmas meal this year. I therefore paid for my own meal, drinks and service charge as agreed. Had I known that an attempt to demand further money would be made on the night and subsequently, I would have chosen not to attend. I will not be contributing any further toward the cost of the bill. I trust this makes the situation clear. Please don't send any further emails on this subject as my position is final and I am now starting to feel bullied about how I choose to spend my own money."