To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

Actually I like PuppyMonkey's even more, use that one.

Hi Passive Aggressive Colleague, As you’ll recall, it was specifically agreed on xx date that we wouldn’t be contributing to trainee meals this year and as I was not consulted about any change to this position, I won’t be making any further payments.
This is great.
I’d also be tempted to put in a bit about as this has soured what was otherwise a good night out you won’t be attending any further work related nights out.

What a terrible manager.

Did the trainees know any of this in advance? Were they suitably surprised and grateful?

Really struggling to see who, exactly, the manager thought she was going to impress? A couple of trainees that she'd never see again?

Yanbu (pre or post meal)

I'm and HR Manager and I very rarely say this on threads - but you do need to go to HR. Your manager has behaved appallingly.

I agree with including a reference to feeling bullied into any response. It's the sort of thing that will give HR the heeby-jeebies and hinder Manager and Indecisive massively in depicting themselves as poor wronged martyrs.

It’s incredibly frustrating that she thinks she can strong arm you now. You made your feelings clear. It’s really unfair to think they could ‘shame’ you into it.

You’re not paid enough for this bullshit!

A case study in being a crap manager. What a manipulative little stunt to pull.

Stick to your guns, OP. "It was agreed beforehand that we would each pay for ourselves and the bill wouldn't be split. I therefore paid for myself, including my drinks and a tip. I will not be paying anything extra. Do not message me about this again."

I agree that you should take this to HR. Your manager has no right to tell you to spend your own money on the trainees - if the company or she herself wants to pay for their meals, fair enough, but that's it.

I can't believe that someone could be so dozy, it's so obvious that this was going to cause ructions after you'd all agreed NOT to contribute.

Ironic that the people that did end up paying are now complaining about being £30 short each for Christmas, which was exactly your argument in the first place!

And to spring it on you in the meal?? That's outrageous! Definitely stick to your guns.

If it was their decision to pay for the trainees when everyone agreed you wouldn't then that was very generous of them, but they shouldn't expect you to cough up.

This is ridiculous imo.

Think this needs simplifying a bit as emotions getting in the way.

The personal situations of the trainees are irrelevant really.

But a) nobody can be "told" to pay for another person's social outing and b) it was discussed beforehand that you wouldn't cover them then someone changed the plan on the night with no consultation. It's therefore the responsibility of the person who changed the plan without agreement.

You can't demand generosity it can only be offered!

100% Take it to HR. Drop the manager in the shit - they deserve it

Also agree there's a degree of irony here...

tbh i'm shocked that you are expected to pay for a work christmas meal at all.
Why would anyone go?!

She obviously does not have the manager's salary though, so the extra she paid would be more of a difference to her than to our boss, hence she is very bitter about it

So tell her to take that up with the boss, who put her in this position - though to be fair she allowed herself to be put in it too

You said the boss likes to look as if she's being nice, but frankly she just sounds weak; far better to behave well and the rest will follow

tbh i'm shocked that you are expected to pay for a work christmas meal at all.

That would mean no public sector worker ever would have a Christmas meal!

I’m shocked you’re expected to pay AND there is so much pressure to attend/pick somewhere ‘posh’

tbh i'm shocked that you are expected to pay for a work christmas meal at all.

That would mean no public sector worker ever would have a Christmas meal!

This is why I haven't been out for a works Christmas meal in years. In fact now I would be disappointed if work offered to pay - because then I'd have to go. yes my name is Scrooge

I would definitely escalate it to HR. Take all email trails and explain exactly what’s happened.

Colleague who colluded shouldn’t end up out of pocket, altho if she is it’s down to her own stupidity and attempting to be manipulative. When she knew you had all agreed to pay for yourselves.

If you go next time I reckon you should order lobster and steak and Cristal champagne then let them all split that.

I take my team to lunch. And I flipping pay for it. Why would I expect everyone to pay for other people’s food? Don’t your company have budgets for team meals?

Privately I'd offer money to the person who paid during Christmas - as in one third of what they paid, so £7 or whatever. But would I fuck pay the email lady or the manager. In fact email lady should never have paid more than what would have been her share. If manager wanted to spilt the extra cost between 5 and only one team member was happy to do so that team member should have only paid £20 and the manager should have paid the other £80.

I'd suggest to email lady thay she asks the manager for the money tbh.

Your manager sounds ridiculous, and the opposite of generous. I’d say she’s tight.

If she wanted to pay for the extra meals she should have done so herself. What a palaver.

I’d say chuck the woman a tenner as a goodwill gesture but it won’t work to restore goodwill and your manager should really be the one to sort this sorry mess out. Inform HR there’s an issue if need be.

@Aloe6 @squeaver The trainees don't know - from their perspective it's not really their business. They are going back to leave to finish their uni course in two months time. I don't like them personally but that aside, I also don't think them finding out after the meal is fine either, as it would be even more embarassing for everyone. They got offered a meal and good for them, they should not feel bad about it now when it's all done.
I just think it's not fine for everyone to chip in because of that.
We spoke to unhappy colleague- we said we're sorry she is short of cash, but it has been agreed we would not pay. No one wants bad atmosphere in the office, but imposing paying on the spot put us in awkward position and we didn't think it was fair to expect us to cough up because they decided about it behind our backs. The lady said 'OK fine', and to leave it. The other non payer sent an e-mail to HR just to let them know about the issue just in case if it ever comes up, but that we think it's sorted, copying our manager as well.
It's all getting beyond ridiculous though as the one colleague who did feel guilt tripped and paid a share sat silently throughout the conversation and later made it seem they feel like it's not really fair they paid and the two of us got away with not paying.
So out of 6 people in the office 5 are pissed off. Happy New Year everyone.
We have a new started in a couple of weeks, there is us hoping it will blow over by then.

I would also say to email lady that this is something between her and the manager. Not your problem. You have done what was agreed.

Sounds like you have all tried to sort it maturely, even with your 'over generous' with other people's money manager being away. Very sensible to send the info to HR. I doubt this is the last you have heard of it though!