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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

297 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 17/11/2019 19:01

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

OP posts:
manicmij · 18/11/2019 18:05

Whilst some trainees may have hugh earning partners they may well have separate funds for meals out etc. You are assuming finances are shared. YABU.

sunshine11 · 18/11/2019 18:32

Why is your company not paying for them? A company gets tax relief on things like Christmas meals and, as they’re effectively getting cheap labour, it would seem like a decent gesture to pay for their meals. Heck they should be paying for everyone’s meals if they’re a half decent employer!

YANBU to not want to pay. Perhaps you’ve “just had to put new tyres on your car and can’t spare the cash. Thanks for understanding”.

Pembsgirl · 18/11/2019 18:43

I can't believe how many people on here believe that it's right to allow a colleague, and a higher paid one at that, dictate that the OP spends her own money on paying for dinner for someone else, regardless of whether they are rich or poor, young or old, or are you all sheep, scared to speak up for yourselves because of what other people will think?

Too many people are 'shamed' or 'embarrassed' into paying out money they can ill afford, so next time you suggest splitting the bill, or paying anything with someone else's money, might I suggest that you firmly clamp you mouth SHUT!!

Firmly bracing myself for the onslaught from the sheep and the wealthy, of MN!

namechange34 · 18/11/2019 18:50

For those who said you should just not go, I don't believe that would excuse you! Surely the people who did go would just ask you for your share on the next working day? That is how it has always worked in places I worked where more senior staff subsidised more junior on social occasions.

CleansUpDragonPoo · 18/11/2019 18:50

How do the rest of the team feel about this? What about a quiet word in advance, tell them what you've said here about different circumstances and suggest you - the whole team, that is, chip in to buy a round of drinks including the interns, then everyone pays their own way after that.

When inviting the interns to the do, say something like 'dinner costs x plus drinks, but first round's on us'. Would that work?

Straycats · 18/11/2019 18:54

Sad that some people have been negative and lack empathy for someone in straightened circumstances. Please ignore them, seeing your manager and explaining is completely justifiable. Do not feel guilty and when you do go, enjoy. 💐

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 19:33

Whilst some trainees may have hugh earning partners they may well have separate funds for meals out etc.

Again, so what? Why does this mean the OP should bankroll them? It’s completely irrelevant to the fact the OP doesn’t want to, and has no obligation, to pay.

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 19:35

*I can't believe how many people on here believe that it's right to allow a colleague, and a higher paid one at that, dictate that the OP spends her own money on paying for dinner for someone else, regardless of whether they are rich or poor, young or old, or are you all sheep, scared to speak up for yourselves because of what other people will think?

Too many people are 'shamed' or 'embarrassed' into paying out money they can ill afford, so next time you suggest splitting the bill, or paying anything with someone else's money, might I suggest that you firmly clamp you mouth SHUT!!*

Well said.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 18/11/2019 19:51

I can why it’s annoying but it won’t be much ££ and probably not worth making a fuss over - might turn out badly for you.

Chunkers · 18/11/2019 20:17

Even if they change to a cheaper venue I still wouldn’t want to pay for this years interns.

yuiop · 18/11/2019 20:59

^agree. Just means you're missing out on the nicer meal as a treat for yourself to still subsidise other people for no reason. You're not their boss, it's not your responsibility to treat them to meals.

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 22:30

might turn out badly for you

In what way?

LinoVentura · 19/11/2019 00:26

Please do not pay OP. It would be completely inappropriate. Tell the appropriate person immediately that you won't be contributing and then it's not hanging over you. You may well discover that many of your colleagues are of exactly the same opinion as you.

LinoVentura · 19/11/2019 00:34

I can why it’s annoying but it won’t be much ££ and probably not worth making a fuss over - might turn out badly for you.

What terrible advice.

Pembsgirl · 19/11/2019 00:56

Toomuchtrouble4me Bet you're one of those who doesn't think twice about shaming and embarrassing those around you, rather than standing up against the crowd!

BigChocFrenzy · 19/11/2019 01:04

"for the sake of £20 or so" Hmm

That is a significant amount for some and the OP has said it would be for her
Many people can't just spaff £20

"twatty"

The only twatty person is the manager who decided years ago that other people should subsidise the interns
Either the manager pays for them 100% herself, or she persuades the firm to do so

No manager should be playing Lady Bountiful using the money of those she supervises Angry

Lovebeingmama · 19/11/2019 06:23

So, the Manager decided that the trainees should put their wallet away. Maybe start a new tradition of the Manager paying for the trainees?!

SD1978 · 19/11/2019 08:48

Sorry but I think you are being a bit unreasonable- if they were younger students, would you feel differently? If this is a tradition, then the age and wealth of the students, shouldn't really have a bearing. If you juts can't afford it full stop, then talk to your manager.

SexIsAProtectedCharacteristic · 19/11/2019 08:58
  1. If this is an issue with the boss, how about she puts her hand in her pocket and pays for all the trainees?
  2. Your boss has no right to spend your money, and should accept without quibble that you can't afford to spend extra this year
  3. Stick to your guns, and go to the meal
  4. The trainees can pay for themselves, or not come
bluebella4 · 19/11/2019 09:12

Don't pay! If you can't afford it just don't pay it.

BendNSnap · 19/11/2019 09:30

I don't think YABU at all. I wouldn't be happy paying for someone else's meal if I was struggling financially. In your position I wouldn't go this year. Your manager could agree that you'll pay for your own if you go to the expensive restaurant but then manipulate it when the bill comes and put you on the spot. It'll then depend on the two women insisting on paying their own way which I doubt they will. Sorry if it's been suggested as haven't RTFT, could you go somewhere with a set menu and get everyone to pay upfront before you go. You could then say you'll go to the bar yourself for drinks and not have yours on the bill.

CareOfPunts · 19/11/2019 12:32

If this is a tradition, then the age and wealth of the students, shouldn't really have a bearing

But it only started because the students were typical students who were young and skint. And presumably nice, which is why people didn’t have qualms about paying in the first place

ToftyAC · 19/11/2019 13:03

I’m with you OP. Most younger students couldn’t afford it. These obvs can. I wouldn’t be happy in that situation either.

JaffaMum · 19/11/2019 19:56

It's your money out of your post-tax pocket to pay for something that is work related. You don't owe the trainees anything especially if they are showing such little respect to you.
If others in your team feel the same especially as they have financial burdens too coming up to christmas then collectively raise it to your manager and say financially you prefer if they can cover their own expenses as they certainly can afford it, or your manager simply picks up the bill. YANBU.

Hippee · 19/11/2019 21:04

Pembsgirl - totally agree. It's like the age old problem of splitting the bill when some people are going to be hugely subsidising others - but to quibble is seen as petty.