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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

297 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 17/11/2019 19:01

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

OP posts:
fargo123 · 19/11/2019 21:24

I wouldn’t be contributing to anybody’s meal, young or old, even if I could afford it. If the company wants to treat them, let them pay but I don’t go to work to subsidise others at a work do

This, in a nutshell.

On the flip side, I'd be very uncomfortable with work colleagues paying for my meal/s, and wouldn't accept it. It should either come down to the company itself paying for everyone, or each person paying for themselves. Mixing it up so some employees are paying for fellow employees is absolutely not on.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 20/11/2019 19:05

@dottiedodah @Toomuchtrouble4me I explained a few times in this thread £20 is money I don't have lying around. We have a big unfun expenses coming up to pay off and this extra one two weeks before Christmas is not great to say the very least.

Even if we all agreed as a team 7 years ago to carry on with this, which we didn't, things happen and I don't think we should have to carry on every year regardless. It seems a few people on the team think the meal is getting very expensive, so we will be looking at a cheaper alternative.

I told my manager that subsudusing trainees is something we need to look at as a team. I get she thinks it is a nice gesture, which it is, but things change over the years and it may not be sustainable, or at least paired up with an expensive meal. One of our colleagues is retiring next year and I am not sure we should enfore it on the new person coming in to replace them- at least not sure I'd be impressed if I was told in my first year this is a 'tradition' I am expected to follow despite having no input.

Thank you very much everyone for your thoughts, writing it all down helped me get a cleared picture in my head what was bothering me in the end.

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 21/11/2019 21:03

If the company wants them to be paid for then surely it should come out of their budget or petty cash or something?
I think I wouldn't want to go at all and would just spend the cost of my meal on some extra shopping for the week.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 06/01/2020 12:07

Very late update about this, if anyone still remembers :)

Anyways, we had a chat and out of 5 people on the team 3 said they prefer everyone to pay for themselves, 1 was not coming and 1 was indifferent and only the manager thought we should all chip in for trainees. So we decided to go with majority vote everyone paying for themselves. Just to reiterate, cash is tight for a few of us and no Xmas bonuses this year.

So we do the meal, all is well, paying time comes and... guess what, the lady who was teachnically on the fence tells trainees to put wallets away, that the meal is paid for by us etc. The three of us have a bit of a WTF moment, look at each other, but then we presume that since we said everyone is paying for themselves, and were not consulted otherwise, that the manager and/or the other woman who spoke up will cover the difference. I paid my meal by card, went to the ladies, as I leave the lady approaches me to ask if I am sure I paid what I was meant to as they are £60 or so short. I said I paid for my meal and drink and service charge. I also didn't drink wine, so substracted that from my part of bill and left at that.
My partner came to pick me up, so I left soon after a bit pissed off about the change of plans without telling everyone. I presume the other two people also didn't pay more than their share for the meal, as long story short, we got an email over Christmas from that lady asking to contribute the share of the trainee's meals as she and the manager covered them out of their own pockets on the night as 'no one seemed to be bothered to pay the difference' and they were left right before Christmas with being over £30 down each on top of what they had alreay paid.

Personally, I find it a bit unfair as we had decided we won't be covering the meals of trainees from this year on (and I definitely do not want to cover costs of other people's drinks) but we were put on the spot and made to look like Scrooges. I didn't reply and got another email on Friday asking to reimburse as it's 'the right thing to do' and how it's awkward she has to aks again...

OP posts:
TheRealShatParp · 06/01/2020 12:13

This would really piss me off. Do they not remember the discussion about not paying for the trainees?

ringme · 06/01/2020 12:18

Maybe have a word face to face and remind them of that conversation. That’s their choice if they wanted to pay for the trainees meals.

Somanysocks · 06/01/2020 12:19

I would tell her that's tough, it wasn't the agreement. If she decided to change the goalpost that's her lookout.

Oh, and don't forget to say Happy New Year Smile

Luaa · 06/01/2020 12:21

3 of you were clear you didn't want to pay, if they changed their minds then that's on them. They can't force you to pay. It's a tradition that's better off scrapped anyway in my opinion.

Luaa · 06/01/2020 12:21

3 of you were clear you didn't want to pay, if they changed their minds then that's on them. They can't force you to pay. It's a tradition that's better off scrapped anyway in my opinion.

fedup21 · 06/01/2020 12:23

Anyways, we had a chat and out of 5 people on the team 3 said they prefer everyone to pay for themselves, 1 was not coming and 1 was indifferent and only the manager thought we should all chip in for trainees. So we decided to go with majority vote everyone paying for themselves.

Was your manager and this other lady there for the chat and vote?

Just reply, saying-‘I’m very confused- we all agreed on x date, to pay for ourselves.’

Tombliwho · 06/01/2020 12:27

Shock I don't think I would be able to reply politely. The "right thing" would be for her not to have gone back on what was agreed.
Please don't back down! Cheeky fuckers.

Chunkers · 06/01/2020 12:28

Please don’t pay, any of you. Get together and stick together and stick to the agreement. The ‘right thing’ would have been to not ambush you.

KatherineJaneway · 06/01/2020 12:28

Just reply and say the decision was made to pay for yourselves. If she chose to pay for the trainees then that is up to her and leave it at that.

paranoidmum2 · 06/01/2020 12:36

Well done for not paying!

I would send an email back saying what you've told us today. This is completely unacceptable! Please don't cave. Have you spoken to the other two colleagues who didn't pay?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 06/01/2020 12:41

I’d reply saying “On date x we agreed that trainees would have to pay for their own meal. I’m not sure why this changed at the meal? Either way, but I’m not in a position to pay this so I can only suggest asking the trainees to reimburse you for their meals”.

However, the trainees would also have every right to say no, given that they were told someone else was paying. If this stupid woman didn’t want to be lumbered with the bill she shouldn’t have changed the arrangements.

TheMemoryLingers · 06/01/2020 12:42

I would keep my reply very short and say :

"I explained on [x date] that, for personal reasons, I would only be paying for my own meal this year. Kind regards ..."

Sushiroller · 06/01/2020 12:47

This is insane.

I'd email woth all bar trainees on c.v...
I would reitterate i paid for my meal inc. Service.
Then remind them of the conversation where it was agreed that everyone paid for themselves and say you assumed she and the manager agreed to cover the trainees. If they need money to cover the trainees meals they should ask the trainees for the money directly.

LannieDuck · 06/01/2020 12:49

What does this lady say about the team decision to only pay for yourselves?

DarlingNikita · 06/01/2020 12:55

I would tell her that's tough, it wasn't the agreement.
Me too! But speak to the others who wanted to pay for themselves and send her this in an email from all of you. Silly mare.

fedup21 · 06/01/2020 13:00

What does this lady say about the team decision to only pay for yourselves?

This^^

Is she saying she didn’t know this was the plan?

Morgan12 · 06/01/2020 13:00

Ask her if she forgot the conversation where this was all decided? And why she took it upon herself to deviate from this?

Cheeky fucker. I'd 100% not be paying another penny.

frazzledasarock · 06/01/2020 13:00

I would respond CC’ing everyone. And say you do not have the money and that it was agreed you would pay for your own meals as otherwise you would have withdrawn as you do not have the finances to pay an extra £20 which you had made clear prior to attending the meal.

Fuck would I pay an extra £20 because one person decided she wanted to look big and generous. Fucking own it then.

DarlingNikita · 06/01/2020 13:02

say you do not have the money
You really don't need to say this. It's not her business if you have the money or not.

QueenOfTheFae · 06/01/2020 13:03

thanks for the update, I saw the title and thought.... ohh that's familiar

do what pps say - cc everyone and say "as we agreed when we met on x date...."

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 06/01/2020 13:03

The atmosphere in the office is awkward as one person caved in and paid over Christmas, so that leaves me and one other who are like No way Jose.
I replied saying we agreed not to pay and that having explained the budget being tight I am not sure why this was changed at the last minute. I feel sorry she feels that is not fair but I'm really unhappy about the way it was done.

The colleague who paid are good friends with her and said that apparently the manager and the indecisive lady who is now sending emails thought
after all it was mean not to pay for the trainees; the manager knew that if she was the one to say something we would not fork out so she asked the other lady to break the news during the evening, thinking that it would make us 'show solidarity'/make us feel bad and cough up.
I am definitely not paying that amount.

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