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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

297 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 17/11/2019 19:01

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

OP posts:
CareOfPunts · 17/11/2019 21:36

YANBU, I’m involved in a local charity, entirely voluntary which is obv fine but a couple of years ago my fellow board members decided we should go for a meal with staff and cover their meals. I just said I would only be covering my meal, I can’t afford to treat my family for meals out so I’m not covering meals for the charity’s staff.

FizzyGreenWater · 17/11/2019 21:54

I think I'd go with the angle that these particular trainees are in a different kind of situation to the previous ones and may feel quite patronised by being paid for :)

PriscillaTheHun · 17/11/2019 21:59

Well I think it's ridiculous that you were subbing the trainees anyway. Especially to the tune of £20 each.

If people are paying for themselves then everyone pays for themselves.

I think it's time for this tradition to stop.

Peakypolly · 17/11/2019 22:00

I think it is perfectly fine to say that you assume the established tradition of treating an impoverished youngster, will not apply in these altered circumstances. I’m sure you are not alone in feeling it unnecessary to contribute.
I would also imagine the established trainees would be embarrassed to accept the gesture.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 17/11/2019 22:01

In your position I would swerve it altogether TBH and have a nice night out with partner/friends instead, just spending what you feel comfortable with. If you don’t like them anyway and it’s quite a small group, chances are you wouldn’t have a great night anyway as there won’t be many people there to “dilute” them. Then those happy to pay can continue to do so, and next year if you’re back to the usual young interns you can make a decision as to whether or not to attend and chip in again or not.

MissConductUS · 17/11/2019 22:03

I think in your situation I would just skip the night out to avoid the whole issue, but I can be a bit antisocial. 😊

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 22:14

Tell them it's Tradition that the Trainees pay , then if they agree , say "Ha Ha , kidding " Xmas Grin

They're more likely to stomp off though ....

OnlyAGirlsHorse · 17/11/2019 22:16

I think it's inappropriate to be forced into paying a work expense from your personal, taxed salary. Either it's work and can be expensed or it's your personal spending money. Yet some people at work seem to think there's a middle ground where it's appropriate to insist there's a middle ground.

You should set a new precedent before you go for the meal and explain that you cannot afford to pay for colleagues meals from personal spending. Don't bring anything about this year's trainees into it. Just say you can't spend personal salary on work costs like this. If anyone asks a follow up or seems to want details just repeat you're not comfortable discussing personal finances with colleagues. That's all they need or are entitled to know.

PlanDeRaccordement · 17/11/2019 22:18

Sorry that is ageism and discriminatory. It’s a 7year tradition for trainees regardless of age, income, performance, likeability, lady like politeness, etc.
If you are low on cash, skip the alcoholic drinks.

PlanDeRaccordement · 17/11/2019 22:23

How can you say these women are “very well established in life” because they have husbands with incomes? That’s old fashioned. Just because they have a husband who works, does not mean that they have had any career or professional life at all. They might be 20yrs behind the young trainees due to having kids young for all you know. You are making many assumptions that older and married = well established. A woman is not defined by how established her husband may be. She is a separate person.

Crazyladee · 17/11/2019 22:28

Sounds like you already made your mind up before you asked if YABU...?

alibongo5 · 17/11/2019 22:29

But OP says that one of the trainees in question was previously in a £50k job?

CareOfPunts · 17/11/2019 22:29

Yes agreed @OnlyAGirlsHorse. I would just say I wasn’t in a position to pay and then just pay the right money for my own meal plus tip on the day. I wouldn’t give a fuck. But then I’m also the person who refuses to put money into leaving presents for people I don’t like and have no qualms about it.

Sindragosan · 17/11/2019 22:33

I'd talk to your manager in advance and say you're sorry but you're unable to attend the meal as you won't be able to afford your meal plus trainees, Christmas is an expensive time of year etc. Its a better starting point than 'I don't particularly like them'.

Wolfiefan · 17/11/2019 22:36

I think I would rather not go. I can’t see any way it wouldn’t seem like you don’t like them so don’t want to pay anymore.

Havaina · 17/11/2019 22:37

Your boss is not lovely if she volunteered everyone to be contributors to the trainees' meals. Do you know if any of your colleagues feel the sadm? Might be better if she hears it from a few of you.

fourandnomore · 17/11/2019 22:42

If my Christmas night out was £35-40 and I was expected to pay £20 on top of that towards someone else’s night I simply could not go due to financial restrictions. It would not be enjoyable with that small a group either when two of them do not sound like people you’d want to have a night out with. I think I would just avoid the whole night out.

CareOfPunts · 17/11/2019 22:46

I think I would rather not go. I can’t see any way it wouldn’t seem like you don’t like them so don’t want to pay anymore.

Does it matter if people know it’s because she doesn’t like them? They’re only gong to be there a couple of months and it’s probably not only the OP who doesn’t like them. You can’t be forced into spending your own money on things you don’t want to.

cherish123 · 17/11/2019 22:55

Your boss can't tell.you to pay for someone else. They are your boss at work and that's all. Just be assertive and say to a collective group that you will pay for yourself only this year as that is all you can afford.

Haffiana · 17/11/2019 22:59

Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs,

As opposed to all the RIGHTEOUS & WORTHY reasons people do a degree, eh?

Christ, you are a real judgey pants, aren't you?

OlderthenYoungerNow · 17/11/2019 22:59

How is it £20 extra if the meal for you is between £30 and £40? Are there two of you on a team?

BrendasUmbrella · 17/11/2019 22:59

Have a quiet chat with your manager and tell her cash is tight this year so you'd appreciate it if the trainees paid for their own meal as you can't contribute.

shearwater · 17/11/2019 23:01

I'd either go and pay the extra or not go at all.

BarbaraFromOopNorth · 17/11/2019 23:17

That would annoy me. Is this a private company? Are the trainees contributing much in terms of work? If so, the company should definitely be subbing them or they should be paying for it themselves.

It's a difficult one because so many people will think it's a lovely gesture and you're a tightwad for saying no. Personally, I think I would duck out of it to avoid sitting there seething all night and hoping that Penelop and Vanessa choke on one of their pigs in blanket.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/11/2019 23:21

If the company custom is that the salaried staff pay for the trainees, then either don't participate or pay it and shut up. Whatever the personal circumstances of your trainees, in terms of the company culture, they earn less than salaried staff (and their personal circumstances are actually none of your fucking business.) Would you whine that people's actual salaries should be dependent on their personal income outside work/whether you like them or not, rather than on the job they are employed to do?