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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to contribute to trainees' meals.

297 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 17/11/2019 19:01

I do realise it's petty, but have had a bad day, so thought may as well vent somewhere.

My company usually gets a couple of trainees every year for a couple of months- we have some sort of agreement with universities who send us students who need to do a placement as a part of their degree, or who just look for work experience. These are paid, not sure about the amount, definitely not anything like a regular salary, but they also get limited responsibilities and workload as most work PT. Usually they are young-ish people in the last year of their degrees. They are then attached to one or possibly two, occcasionally three teams, depending on what they need for their course.

Every year we go for a Christmas meal with my office. Some time ago one of my colleagues proposed we chip in to cover for the meal(s) of trainee(s) if any are placed on our team, and of course they get invited to come to the dinner and it became a bit of a tradition. It's never been an issue as they have been some really nice, helpful people and not earning much, so no one objected.

This year we have two trainees. They are both mature students, and both a lot better off than anyone on the team really except maybe for the team leader. Both are doing the degree because they seemed bored with their previous jobs, which in itself is not an issue, and both have high earning husbands. We're a bit strapped for cash at home at the moment, and I don't really want to pay for a meal for someone who, well, does not really struggle financially unlike some of our previous trainees. Plus, they are not actually really nice, don't want to get in a lot of detail but again, don't really feel like paying for a meal for someone who has been unpleasant and patronising. I feel I probably should mention it to our team lead who organised this years meal, not to look awkward on the day, although it's probably going to be awkward anyways as she seems to get on pretty well with them :/

OP posts:
CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 10:01

And even if they do find out that other people have had their meals paid for in the past, so fucking what. It still doesn’t oblige colleagues to bankroll them out of their own salary.

I honestly wouldn’t pay, would say why and wouldn’t give a shit. Seriously what is going to happen if OP just says “no”?

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 10:04

And I don’t see why if you otherwise want to go you should not attend just because of this OP.

IHaveNayIdea · 18/11/2019 10:06

It makes no difference how old they are/how much money they have or how helpful they have been. You don't have to justify not paying for their meal OP. People are getting caught up in irrelevant bollocks.

You can't afford to do it. So don't. Say to your team leader, "Are we set on paying for the trainee meals this year? If so I can't afford to do this and would need to consider whether I come or not in order not to create bad feeling if everybody else contributes. Let me know, thanks" and that's it. It needs no further discussion.

If the rest of the team all want to contribute then I wouldn't feel comfortable going. If they decide not to then all good.

Hotchox · 18/11/2019 10:07

At the point where I was handing the money over I'd be very tempted to make a passive aggressive comment about how I won't now be taking the kids out at the weekend, cos I now don't have £20.

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 10:08

Also I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for me. I’d be bloody mortified to think that colleagues were paying for me out of their own pocket, even more so if they were strapped for cash and I could easily afford to go. I suppose we know who the “takers” are ok this thread.

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 10:08

*on

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 18/11/2019 10:09

YANBU but I would position it as "I can't afford to contribute this year" when you talk to your boss, rather than "they don't deserve it".

SaveTheTreesPlease · 18/11/2019 10:12

I wouldn’t pay either OP- not for colleagues who are better off than me! In their position I’d also be mortified that people were offering to do this and would jolly well pay for myself! £20 is not an insignificant amount of money for a lot of people and I think you’d be well within your rights to tell that organiser that unfortunately you won’t be able to contribute the extra £ this year. No need to apologise or explain further.

Boysey45 · 18/11/2019 10:13

It really boils down to if you are unable to afford it or don't want to pay then don't and tell the manager. Really its for the students to pay for themselves.I'd be mortified if I thought other people were paying for me and were struggling as a result of this. I've been a student and done placements etc and no one has stumped up for me.
You don't have to give any reason to the manager just say you are not able to contribute this year.

EleanorReally · 18/11/2019 10:15

And they may feel patronised.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 18/11/2019 10:18

You don't have to justify not paying for their meal OP. People are getting caught up in irrelevant bollocks.

This sums it up for me.

'Tradition' is a red herring. It isn't a workplace policy. It isn't enforceable in any way. It is a goodwill gesture extended to the trainees by individuals in a personal capacity, like a leaving present. It's a nice gesture but you aren't obligated to make it. Yes, it's tricky to manage the politics and could be a bit awkward to pull out, but the workplace can't force you to pay your own money to cover other people, so if you don't want to pay it, or can't afford it, then you simply need to say so.

VaggieMight · 18/11/2019 10:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

DryHeaving · 18/11/2019 10:45

It's your money, not your managers
If I wanted to treat someone it would be somebody of my choosing. I probably wouldn't go, saves all the hassle. Let your manager sort it out

Looking4wards · 18/11/2019 10:45

then it's not for you to pass judgement on their performance by refusing to contribute.

But it's not for the manager to decide how the OP gets to spend her money. She's quite within her rights to decide who and what she will or won't pay for. Now if it was company money that'd be entirely different.

Original poster
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 18/11/2019 10:47

@OneDay10 Why do you (wrongly) assume 'my' dislike for the trainees is a widely known thing (or that I am the only person who is not massively fond of them)? This is actually the only place I have mentioned it. Especially as, ironically, it is their dislike for the placementand and by proxy for the team above them that is part of the issue.
@whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe I would never tacke it from my personal feeling side.
@Hotchox Haha, yeah may as well. "Well, there goes our food for the weekend, glad there are some potatoes still left" :)

OP posts:
Havaina · 18/11/2019 10:48

VaggieMight

The company should pay really, but if the team has started a tradition of paying for the interns as a thank you then it's not for you to pass judgement on their performance by refusing to contribute. If they are so bad they're not even worth thanking surely it would have been picked up by their manager?

The ‘team’ didn’t start a tradition Hmm

The manager announced that staff would cover trainees’ meals.

Hippee · 18/11/2019 10:48

It's a shame if you have to miss out. I'm another who would feel quite uncomfortable being paid for, if I was one of the trainees.

dinosaurusrun · 18/11/2019 10:54

@Bluntness100 why would you think someone was a twat because finances are tight and they aren't able to pay half the cost again for someone else's meal? Some people live off really tight budgets and £20 plus the rest if the other colleagues don't turn up is a lot to some.

The fact that they're not very pleasant is irrelevant really.

Original poster
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 18/11/2019 10:55

@VaggieMight Tey have not been picked by anyone, they have been sent over by their university. They are nice to the manager as they see him as equals, and the rest of us as people who should work under them, not the opposite.
As a part of their training they worked on one of my projects and been really unprofessional, so yeah, I think I have a right to say they are that bad as seen them in action, and I hardly feel thankful for their contribution. They would not be pulling off the same stunt when working with people higher up on the ladder.
Also, it's not a 'tradition' that was started by the team, it was started by our team lead, but at the time everyone's circumstances were different and the trainee working with us a lovely person who worked their butt off and was extremely helpful, so it felt right. All of this changed this year, which made me think it's not really something I feel I want to be signing up for.

Anyways, will be seeing my manager at lunch, so hopefully will get round to talking to them about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 18/11/2019 11:03

The above was as a side note really, if it was a fiver, I may have just got on with the meal without much problem, but it will be much more than that so yeah, not really happy with paying so much.

OP posts:
QueSera · 18/11/2019 11:04

I agree with you OP, I don't think you should pay. It's one thing if the trainee is a young person starting out in life with very few resources, but another if they've already been in the workforce and have a weatlhy lifestyle.
Maybe make it a year-by-year decision, rather than a tradition set in stone.
Alternatively, if everyone decides to pay, I would choose a cheaper restaurant.

CareOfPunts · 18/11/2019 11:09

I wouldn’t care if someone thought I was a twat for not contributing. Most people have the sense to know that Christmas is a time a lot of people are strapped anyway. I’d rather be thought a “twat” and hang on to my own money than be £20 lighter and paying for someone better off than me and that I didn’t even like to have their dinner.

daisychain01 · 18/11/2019 11:11

On a matter of principle, your employer should not enforce individuals to put their hands in their pockets and pay from their hard earned wages. Not least of all because the interns will only contribute 2 months' worth of effort to the organisation. It's madness.

What's the betting the decision was initiated at a more senior level, by people on high enough salary not to need to worry about paying a bit extra. If the decision was made at team leader level, then they have even less authority or right to dictate such a stupid non-rule.

YANBU OP, I would not get into a debate about the whys and wherefores, keep it high level, and say sorry but you can't afford it (and think the MN "No is a complete sentence") If you start to debate the financial status of the latest interns compared to last year, it will just add fuel to the fire. Pointless

HuloBeraal · 18/11/2019 11:14

Look how they worked and how much money they have or their life circumstances are irrelevant. You get good trainees and bad trainees. My niece (only daughter of v wealthy parents) had an allowance of 2K a month on her internship and her parents covered everything else (rent etc). She was just 22 but had more disposable income than most adults.
You can tell your boss you can’t afford to pay, full stop. But it can’t be ‘I would pay for a SAHM (why? what if the husband of the SAHM was a wealthy CEO?) but not these particular women. That’s pretty unprofessional.
If you don’t like the idea of paying for your trainees just say so.

HuloBeraal · 18/11/2019 11:15

You can’t make it a year by year decision. What if one year one trainee is the daughter of a Russian oligarch and the other is a former Syrian refugee from a poor family? Are you going to say ‘hey you deserve your Christmas meal paid for, but YOU need to pay for it.’ How patronising for everyone.